H - E - Double Hockey Sticks

Writing this blog has been one of the best, most therapeutic things I could have done for myself in 2014. Through it I have forced myself to face many harsh realities and received numerous unexpected blessings. I've been able to share "my story" with the world and expose others to a slight glimpse of the agony and pain associated with grief. In doing so, I not only learned about myself; I learned a lot about people.

I'm not the only one hurting.

A lot of people have the desire to be validated and understood.

Most people want to be there for those who are suffering but just don't know how.

Many people are suffering from things worse* than me.

The woman who is sitting bedside as she watches her father suffer from a brain tumor. The infant whose mother is away in rehab. The 7 year old who just celebrated her first Christmas and birthday without her daddy. The woman who fights for her marriage while her husband continually neglects the vows he made to her. The little boy who only knows his father through short visits in prison. The little boy who doesn't even know who his father is. The mom who bailed her son out once again because of his drug usage. The guy diagnosed with a mental illness and struggles to figure out all that accompanies it.

The list could go on and on. And on and on. These are just a few that have weighed heavy on my heart recently. I've been grateful that I'm not May Boatwright from The Secret Life of Bees because I'm afraid y'all might've found me in the river under a heavy rock after stuffing hundreds of notes in the wishing wall long ago. {Prayer does more than any of those silly notes would, anyways.} The burdens of this world are seemingly impossible to bear at times.

But you've gone through hell, Brittany.
Actually, no I haven't, but thanks for expressing empathy in the easiest, most straightforward way you know how to verbalize your view of my pain.

When I went to bed on Bow Tie Sunday, I cried like I hadn't cried in a while. I obviously miss my husband. I wished I could have seen his face as he saw and heard each and every act and word of encouragement that day. My heart ached wondering if he knew just how deeply loved he was by so many.

Then something weird happened. As I'm in the midst of the biggest pity party I'd had in December the analogy of my life comparing to hell crossed my mind. Hell isn't:
            -Being lifted up in prayer by those you love and even by those you don't know.

-Warm embraces and whispered I love yous and I miss hims.

-Hundreds and hundreds of likes, posts, pictures, messages and texts. Times a million.
-A community of people who have rallied around me to do whatever they could to ease my burdens and pains.
-Friends and family who have dropped what they were doing to listen to me as I work through this, offered incredible words of wisdom, and displayed inhuman amounts of patience with me.
-Anything close to what I've found in being a part of the Lord's church; the community of love, encouragement and Promise found within it have been emphatically beneficial to my emotional and spiritual well-being.

My moment of overwhelming turmoil somehow shifted to an attitude of gratitude. My heart ached for those who are pained with a grief that isn't being supported the same way as mine. For those who are dealing with a pain that isn't public; that can't be acknowledged, prayed for by others, or remotely understood or even considered. There are countless people in our everyday lives who are battling their own levels of depression, sadness, anger, or silent pain that aren't receiving the help they so desperately need.

Even THAT is not Hell.

It's hard to imagine a place that is more cruel than this world; a place that has a sting worse than disease, addiction, betrayal, and even the loss of someone we love. 

...and will cast them into the furnace of fire.  There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth. 

Matthew 13:42

There have been times that I have literally cried out for Jesus to return or for The Lord to take me on home because simply breathing was too painful. {I never realized the true and INTENSE physical pain that accompanies grief until this. It's unreal :( } Have I survived it? Only by the hair of my chinny chin chin {SICK!} some days, but Hope has gotten me through.

Although encouragement is so...well, encouraging, I don't write or speak things with a positive twist to receive a pat on the back or any glory for it. Thanks be to GOD for any amount of joy, peace, and understanding we can have in this crazy world. It's amazing how God can take little**, ol' sinful me and allow me to see even the smallest specks of beauty in this disastrous painting titled 2014. If you don't see Him doing the same in your life, it's not because He doesn't want to. Are you letting Him?

I've never actually heard anybody say they wanted to go to hell, but have often wondered if some really want to go to heaven. Want to know what I think the scariest verses in the Bible are?
Matthew 7:21-23 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’

 

Who is he talking about? People who proudly proclaim their disbelief in God? Murders? Thieves? Liars? Nope. I can't imagine how ashamed people who are purposely disobedient will feel on that day. These are God-loving people who believe they are doing great things in the name of The Lord! How am I different from them? Or am I?

I've not been through hell, don't plan to take up residency there, and I don't want you to, either. I LOVE studying this with people and plan to have a group/individuals get together very soon to look at what the Bible has to say about it. Please contact me if you're interested! :)

*Worse is a very relative term. The perspective we CHOOSE plays a big part in determining its meaning.

**Compared to the Hulk I am little. Again, that perspective thing. ;)