It is WHAT?!

            I love crafting!  Hobby Lobby is my home away from home and my go-to place for all things creative.  I feel like such a nerd walking down the paper aisles imagining what a little Cricut or Cuttlebug action could do to each sheet!  Bradford knew my love for Hobby Lobby, and he would often go on “Hob Lob jobs” with me.  Umm…he even made up a song to the tune of Shake That Laffy Taffy {“Shop at Hobby Lobby…the Hobby Lobby…the Hobby Lobby…the Hobby Lobby…SHOOOOOPPP at the Hobby Lobby…” complete with this little twist dance he did ;) }  I would have never really thought that Hob Lob would be a painful place for me to go, but losing him made it that way for a while.  Hearing the music would often make me teary and most of the sweet little signs just sent me over the top.  I used to send him pics of ones that reminded me of him.  Signs like You're my most favorite of all time in the history of ever and I love you to the moon and back were always endearing to me and obviously made me think of him.  I won’t forget the first time I went in after losing him and seeing a sign that said:

IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL

Most people probably know that precious hymn and the story that’s behind it, but just in case you don't, here it is:

Horatio Spafford (1828-1888) was a wealthy Chicago lawyer with a thriving legal practice, a beautiful home, a wife, four daughters and a son. He was also a devout Christian and faithful student of the Scriptures. His circle of friends included Dwight L. Moody, Ira Sankey and various other well-known Christians of the day.

At the very height of his financial and professional success, Horatio and his wife Anna suffered the tragic loss of their young son. Shortly thereafter on October 8, 1871, the Great Chicago Fire destroyed almost every real estate investment that Spafford had.

In 1873, Spafford scheduled a boat trip to Europe in order to give his wife and daughters a much needed vacation and time to recover from the tragedy. He also went to join Moody and Sankey on an evangelistic campaign in England. Spafford sent his wife and daughters ahead of him while he remained in Chicago to take care of some unexpected last minute business. Several days later he received notice that his family's ship had encountered a collision. All four of his daughters drowned; only his wife had survived.

With a heavy heart, Spafford boarded a boat that would take him to his grieving Anna in England. It was on this trip that he penned those now famous words, When sorrow like sea billows roll; it is well, it is well with my soul..

Philip Bliss (1838-1876), composer of many songs including Hold the Fort, Let the Lower Lights be Burning, and Jesus Loves Even Me, was so impressed with Spafford's life and the words of his hymn that he composed a beautiful piece of music to accompany the lyrics. The song was published by Bliss and Sankey, in 1876.

For more than a century, the tragic story of one man has given hope to countless thousands who have lifted their voices to sing, It Is Well With My Soul.

http://www.sharefaith.com/guide/Christian-Music/hymns-the-songs-and-the-stories/it-is-well-with-my-soul-the-song-and-the-story.html

It is Well
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

When I saw that sign, it took me back to sermons I’ve heard about it and I couldn't help but wonder how in the world the writer could have honestly said those words.  It is WELL with my soul?!  It wasn’t well with my heart or mind, let alone my SOUL!  Heaven knows I was back in that store again probably the next week.  I avoided the aisles with signs for fear of seeing ones that would make me weepy…ESPECIALLY THAT ONE!  After several more trips there and the eventual meandering back over to those aisles I saw it again. I decided then and there that one day I would be able to say that.  It wasn’t going to be for a long time, but I would.  When I could stomach it, I would purchase that sign.
            It’s sometimes hard to put into words what I’m thinking and feeling.  There is a lot of fear in honesty, and honestly, people can’t always handle the truth.  It is easy to hide from it, or in many cases, run from it.  Luckily I have a few close sounding boards to share my most blunt and honest thoughts with, and they have helped me recognize so many things.  Most recently I realized that verbalizing things makes them a lot more real than just thinking them, whether I’m writing them, discussing them, or praying them.  It can be quite terrifying.
            It has been so easy to be engulfed in my own grief for the past 8 months; in fact, it has been difficult to be anything less than trapped by it in many ways.  It’s scary to realize over time that I’m less than overcome by it and that I am finding happiness in many of life’s little blessings.  That I am open to the continued life that the Lord has given me and the opportunities He has given me through it.  I’m blessed in a million ways and I have often felt so selfish when I realized I may have diminished any of those for a second.  Although I haven’t had a really happy week, I haven’t had a very sad one either.  I can honestly say I have a new sense of peace…I've said time and time again I fear  judgement or criticism from others about what I do or don't do, say or don't say, feel, express, etc. Grief has been multifaceted for me and oftentimes hard to have others understand. I worry about what others who are grieving the loss of him {or even a different loss} think when I boldly say I have peace and joy. Am I seen as one who "got over it too quickly?" Or maybe I "didn't love him enough?!" Neither of those are true because I'll never be "over it" and I will always love him {don't pretend you didn't just hear Whitney's voice with that allusion :) } I wish life could have been different with him. Somehow the back and forth through the whole "bargaining" phase was pretty short-lived and the things I learned through it were so meaningful and empowering.
            If you are struggling with loss, what is your goal? Do you have one? Are you stuck thinking about things of this world, things that are temporary? My prayer is that you can take baby steps toward your goal, if only to slide back tomorrow to dust yourself off and try again.  I pray that you will have peace. I pray that the peace I have today will last a very, very long time and will help me to reach my Ultimate Goal.

How do you like my new decor? :)