Thankful for {black} Friday and Other Things...

      

But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Cor. 15:57

          Every year Bradford and I alternated whose family we would visit for Thanksgiving and Christmas. The first year we were married we went to the Anderson's for Turkey Day and the Higgins' for Christmas. For years and years my mom and I have gone Black Friday shopping with some dear friends of ours, the Ford and Upchurch girls. Missing Christmas Day with my family wasn't too heartbreaking that first year because I kind of decided that Christmas is whenever you make it. {This partially stems from Santa coming to visit us the night before we would leave to travel to MS from TX when I was a kid.} Thanksgiving was the same in that respect. Spending time with family is always special, and this was typically a time we got to share with more family. YAY!  What's the thing you can't celebrate just any ol' time? Black Friday!  

          Now, before the haters start reeling about the ridiculous, materialistic nature of this yearly ritual, let me tell you a little about what it means to me. It is a time I get to spend with some gals that are like family to me. We usually drive down to Foley, AL and get all the retail goodness we can stand. I love the lighthearted night/day full of laughter, inside jokes, and countless memories. We shop 'til we drop, laugh 'til we cry, get a little delirious, and have a blast at it! If there's one thing I've learned in recent months it is that material things really don't matter...it is spending time with those you love. This is evidenced by the amount of money I've ever had to bring on the trip and the amount of loot I actually walked away with.  On Black Friday I spend a lot of GREAT time with people I TRULY love!

*****

          The 2nd holiday season we were married it was his family's turn for Thanksgiving. Now let me make something clear--I LOVE my in-laws! I lucked out by not only snagging the most fantastic fella but by gaining them, as well.  They are so precious, funny, entertaining, and loving. I've always enjoyed spending time with them. Something that is always at the top if the list of things we do together is laugh. Whether it's about something crazy Bradford did, something Carolyn made up, a patient Melissa saw, or an old story about Dennis, we love laughing. Even if we had met under other circumstances, I believe we would have grown to be close friends :) I'm not sure if they knew it at the time or not, but I was a little sad that year. I can remember walking through Hyvee with Bradford  to get some last minute food items and ducking down an aisle to go find something because the tears just started coming! #pullyourselftogetherbritt I didn't want them to know I was sad because I REALLY enjoyed being around them, but the truth was that I missed my family. I missed Black Friday. My mom turned 50 that year and the whole crew had shirts made and planned to have a party in the parking lot waiting for whatever store to open. After dinner with the Higgins crew I checked my phone and found this:

They had several pictures of me on sticks to make it appear that I was with them, although I was hundreds of miles away. It was HILARIOUS! I laughed so hard at them and felt so special to still be included in this adventure.
          I say all of that to say that I wasn't too anxious about Thanksgiving without Bradford this year. Do I miss him with every fiber of my being? Do I wish he was here with me? Is it strange to travel without him? Yes, yes, and YES! Although Thanksgiving is such a special time to spend with family, that part of it is a little short-lived. Bradford and I always parted ways on Thanksgiving afternoon; I left to shop, he left to hunt with my dad and brothers for the next couple of days. I was used to not spending a ton of time with him during this holiday when we visited my folks.
          The trip this year was pretty fantastic! My sister-in-law {official in March!}, Lauren, was able to join us for the first time. We had a lot of laughs, starting with missing an exit because, ahem, the driver tried scaring us when we took a picture {DECK the halls!}. 

          I was not prepared for how I would actually feel on the darkest of {Black} Fridays. As the night went on I realized that I didn't have him to text or call to tell the great deals I'd found. It didn't matter how hot he'd look in the guys clothes, he wasn't here to receive them. I can't shop for him anymore. I can't buy him happys or gifts and can't make him say oooOOOooo and bite his knuckle if I get a new, cute outfit. It is painfully clear that I don't have him anymore. There are reminders of him everywhere. At the mention of the Macy's Parade I had a flashback to watching it with him last year in his parents basement; I was running on the treadmill and he and his dad were riding on the trainers. I've heard songs that only play this time of year, songs that he changed the lyrics to and made so funny. Simple memories that mean nothing to anybody else but are so significant to me. I am living without him. Some days are harder than others, but I'm facing the painful reality that he's not with me anymore.
          Although I obviously had some tearful moments, I had a new appreciation for the time I had to spend with everyone this year. I tried to be more present in every conversation, whether it was with my great uncle explaining why they couldn't put a metal OR plastic plate on his skull or making animal noises in the dark with my cousins to play with the kids down the road. We really have to cherish every moment. Tragedy can strike ANY family at ANY time. None of us are immune to it.

          I'm grateful for so many lessons I have learned and will continue to learn through my sweet Bradford's life and death. I'm especially grateful for God's caring hand and His promises. He IS taking care of me and will continue to do so.

Now, if I can make it just 'til St. Patrick's Day...