He Knows

          So I’ll be the first to admit it, this is a little bit weird.  Maybe morbid is the word.  I like to think of it as interesting.  Being in a small town where everybody knows everybody else, you see each other at a lot of events, a few of those being held at Lea & Simmons, a local funeral home.  I’ve been there to offer condolences to family members of those I went to church with, spent time with family and friends during such a tragic time as we prepared to lay my sweet Bradford to rest, and most recently to meet with my sisters in Alpha Delta Kappa for our meeting.  My bunco group has even met there for our monthly games!  When someone rolls a big bunco, you get to wear something special, whether it be Mardi Gras beads, a feathery hat, a sombrero, or, you guessed it, embalming garb!  I have to admit I was a LITTLE freaked out the first time we played there.  Last November we played there again, only that time it wasn’t as freaky for me.  A few of us even chose to represent by wearing Lea & Simmons t-shirts Jeanna gave us!

I can remember wearing that shirt the last weekend my mother in law came to visit us in March and her pointing out how strange it was that I not only HAD a funeral home shirt, but that I was WEARING it! 

          This was the last bunco before I was to run the St. Jude Marathon last December.  I joked with the girls several times about how they would be seeing me back there in a month because there was no way I was going to survive the race.  It was especially validated in my mind once I went to the restroom, only to find that MARATHON was the brand of paper towels used there!  I just knew I was a goner!
          Natalie and I were WAY too interested in the whole process of everything that happens behind the scenes.  After most everyone left, we were given a personal tour of the property.  I’m not going to go into a lot of detail about what all we looked at and talked about during those hours after bunco, but trust me when I say it was thorough.  There obviously weren’t any “customers” back there, but we were given the run down on how things happen in the embalming room and even shown a few tricks of the trade.  I know…it’s so weird!  As strange as it seems to even be saying this, it was really interesting.  We were told about the differences in services and what is available.  Did you know you could have your pet cremated there?!  #yallbetterhopeOllielivesforever  Natalie and I determined we could work for them as dancers {choreographers, if you will ;)} if releasing doves just wasn’t cutting it for them. 
          After a couple of pretty intense hours of drilling Mrs. Lea about the ins and outs of the business, we were able to get into the hearse.  Again, just weird.  I was glad to know one of my bestest EVER gal pals was just as strangely interested in it all as I was.

          It was a memorable evening for a lot of reasons.  There was no way I could have known exactly what I was preparing myself for that night.  Every question I asked that night answered one that I know I would have had 5 months later.  Every vision I had of where my husband was spending the night away from me on April 8, as sickening and painful as it was to not have him with me, was secured in my mind as a safe place, cared for by friends.  It amazes me how God can use a silly girls’ night to provide much needed comfort and peace in the coming months.  Although it is such an incredibly gut-wrenching feeling imagining him being gone, it was oddly relieving to know the process.  To not have to envision scenes from scary movies.  To not have to dream up some sci-fi illusion of what may or may not be happening with him.

          This type of experience is not for everyone, and that’s okay.  For me, it was an answer to a prayer I never prayed.  Although having Bradford with me for the rest of my life is what I want and believe that I need, it's comforting to know that God will continue to care for me in the future, knowing what I need before I even ask him (Matthew 6:8).

"My Jesus knows just what I need.  He satisfies and every need supplies.  Yes, He knows just what I need."

...and thank you, Natalie, for being someone I can count on for anything.  Whether it's sizing up the boxes outside the embalming room, spewing Diet Coke out of our noses, taking selfies, or crying on the couch, you're an amazing friend who provides so much comfort, support, and encouragement.  I love you and am forever grateful for your friendship!