Seasons

To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace. 

(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NKJV)

Oh yeah...did I mention that my baby brother, Tyler, was to be wed the next day? And that Janna {his bride-to-be} and Ms. Lori {my otha motha & the caterer} were there for the visitation Thursday and the funeral on Friday?! This is a prime example of actions speaking louder than words. I love you, Janna, and am so thankful you were there with us.

              Stacie and I left straight from the cemetery to head down to the rehearsal dinner. I wish so badly that I would have been able to be in two places at once. It was incredibly special to have so many friends and extended family in town and I would have loved more time to catch up with them at our house. Luckily I was beyond the point of feeling like I had to be in control of anything because I couldn't begin to tell you who all was in our home or what happened while I was gone {except for a minor plumbing issue that I didn't find out about until my return home ;) } I'm thankful the Higgins were there to "entertain" our out of town guests and were willing and able to watch Ollie while I was gone. I missed him terribly but knew he was in good hands.

It was so strange to leave my husband’s funeral and head to my brother’s wedding.  We stopped at Popeye’s on the way {one of Bradford’s favs}.  That may have been the first meal I actually ate that week. The trip down was amazing in the fact that I had 5 or so hours to just sit and breathe.  If I needed to talk, cry, whatever…Stacie was just the chauffeur.  I’ll be the first to tell you that wasn’t an easy task!  Thank you, Stacie, for being whatever I needed you to be on that trip. For letting me tell you random memories. For being my shoulder to cry on. For listening to funny voicemails with me {“You must be planning it with Daniel.” “Please bring the hand cream from Norwegia…my hands are super dry and I just need some kind of relief”}  OH, how I miss that crazy guy!  We OBVIOUSLY had to stop by Whataburger to get a malt and shake :)

     We finally made it to the dinner at Janna’s parents’ house.  First of all, it was like a fairy tale…dimly lit out under the great MS pines.  It was incredible!  Tyler announced how thankful they were for everyone to be there and to be a part of their big day and passed out gifts to their wedding party.  Receiving Bradford’s was pretty emotional.  It was probably just the week before that Janna texted me to ask what his initials were.

             Tyler and Janna came up to me and said they wanted to do something in memory of Bradford but only if I was ok with it.  We were going to release lanterns!  I LOVED the idea!  What a cool thing to do…AND in Bradford’s memory?!  “Groovy!”  I kind of felt like I was on The Bachelorette because it was something they did on an episode we watched.  {Yes, he was THAT husband!}

 

The next morning Stacie and I went to get pedicures.  I’ve had my feet rubbed up on innumerable times…but there was NOTHING like the pedi I got that morning!  The lavender, the paraffin wax, ahh…it was JUST what the doctor ordered! 

That awkward moment when you try to sneak a pic of your foot in wax and forget that your volume is turned up loud.  {CLICK!}

 

      Before the wedding I pulled Tyler aside to give him a special gift.  The first year I brought Bradford home for Christmas, Tyler's gift to him came in a McDonald's bag.  A freshly wrapped cheeseburger WALLET!  I thought he might need something to keep that cash in on the honeymoon :)  And let me ease any inquiring minds...YES BRADFORD USED IT!  Mostly around Tyler, though.

I was pretty nervous about how I would manage during the wedding.  This was obviously the first one I would attend without him, and, honestly, weddings were always so much more emotional for me since becoming a bride myself.  Everything about their wedding was absolutely gorgeous!  The bride and groom, the attendants, the pews, the flowers, the sunshine…everything.  The preacher began the ceremony by reading from Ecclesiastes 3 and noting the tragedy of losing Bradford.  What a touching, yet surreal, moment.

I LOVED that Tyler represented Bradford by doing his signature “nod” move!  Thanks for that, Tyler.  You would’ve totally gotten a neck hug or pelvis hug out of that one :)

Here are a few pictures from the day:

 

THE POWER OF PRAYER.

Nothing short of God our Father above got me through that day.  I am CONFIDENT that it was the prayers of so many that helped me endure that time without him.  He helped me by giving me a joyful occasion in which to embrace many people who might’ve otherwise crumbled upon seeing me.  He gave us a beautiful day to witness the bond He instituted.  He gave me happy memories of my own wedding day, remembering how blessed I felt to have this man forever.  I would not have been there, or even off of the ground in my front yard, if it was not for the power of prayer and the hope the Lord has given us.

The following morning we went to church at Kensington Woods Church of Christ.  I can’t BEGIN to tell you how much I miss the brethren there.  This congregation helped to provide the foundation my faith needed and continues to encourage me.  I will express to all of you what I shared with the assembly that morning.  I am experiencing such sorrow and pain and need prayers to continue in my day to day life without him.  It has been and will continue to be a very difficult road to travel.  I also want my brothers and sisters to add more specifics when lifting me up to the Father.  I have been very deliberate and persistent in my prayers for the past couple of years, especially this past one, to be aware of opportunities I have to share the gospel with others.  I don’t want to be caught up in myself, my own selfish desires or foolish ways, and miss any chance to increase the Kingdom.  I in NO WAY believe that God made this accident happen.  He is not in the business of intentionally hurting His children.  Although it has been an unimaginable nightmare I fully trust that He can use this tragedy in a number of ways to teach us valuable lessons.  {I wish so badly that this wouldn’t have happened.  It is such an overwhelmingly intense hurt.  It’s just not fair :( } He has shown us how quickly our lives can end…with no warning.  We may not have tomorrow.  We may not even have another breath.  WE MUST BE READY.  And as Christians, we must help others to be ready, too.  Although my body is suffering from a type of exhaustion I never knew existed, my spirit has been renewed and revitalized with greater purpose.  If I’m going to be exhausted, I want to be exhausted for His cause.  I want to pray too much.  I want to study too much.  I want to dig deeply in His Word with others too much.  I want too many people in the church.  I want to see too many people I know and love in heaven. 

“Death is only the beginning of everything I’m living my life for.”  My brother, Bradley, shared this verse of a song with me recently and I LOVE IT!  It truly is.  People have been there to help me in amazing ways over these past 3 months.  They have done things that I physically have not been able to do.  I want to continue in my Christian walk by giving back to others by sharing the hope that is in me.  Please know that I would love to share more about this with you. I want to help you on your journey.  I want to spend eternity with God, Bradford, and YOU!