All About the ThinKs

          I bought a huge box of thank you cards before I flew back to TN from Kansas back in June, figuring I'd have some time to get caught up on some thank you notes during my layover. The only thing I caught up on was phone calls and the current book on grief I was reading.  During the next several months it was all I could do to even breathe. I don't want to make excuses, but living really hurt, let alone reliving the trauma from April. Fast forward to now...
          There isn't a day that goes by that I don't remember many of the kind things that were done for me in the moments, days, and weeks after losing Bradford. I run into people in town and smile to myself, thinking of whatever selfless acts they displayed to me in a time I needed it most. I've tried to express to people just how much they mean to me, but I don't know that I could give enough hugs, say enough heartfelt words, or give back enough to tell just how blessed I've been and how thankful I am.
          During the 2015 Snowpocolypse, I've made the time to finally write out many more of the thank yous that I've put off for too long. I'm realizing why... It's not that I'm not thankful. It's not that I'm ungrateful. It's not that I'm simply just that lazy.
It's hard.
It's hard to revisit those times, visualizing all that was associated with what each person did for me and that pain that accompanied it.
It's hard to express how deeply touched I was by countless brave and selfless individuals.
It's hard feeling like I'll never be able to give back and return to others what was given to me.
And it's hard realizing that it's been almost 11 months and many people have yet to have a handwritten thank you from me, which I feel displays a lack of gratitude.
          I've been on the fence about whether or not I would share this blog. I want everyone to see some of the most precious tokens I was given. I'm surrounded by so many incredibly loving people, near and far, and have been blown away by not only the material gifts I've been given, but their gifts of listening, showing up, and fearlessly helping me through this thing called grief. My fear in sharing some of the tangible gifts I've received is that I know I'm leaving so many things out, and I don't want to THESE come across as being more important than the gifts of encouragement, time, and attempted understanding. I just got some really thoughtful things I wanted to share with y'all...

          First of all, what girl doesn't love flowers every now n then? I have some thoughtful folks in my life who knew just when to make this girl feel extra special.

          This is seriously one of the most thoughtful gifts ever. If you don't know Jennifer Gerhardt, you should. She is a writer/blogger/mommy extraordinaire, and she has shared her gift of writing in the form of a self-paced writing workshop called Field Notes [a workshop].  Her sweet parents, who were also Bradford's dorm parents at FHU, gifted this to me. Click here to find out more information about it for yourself or someone you know who would benefit from this. It has provided such insight  and proven to be oh so helpful in helping me to do what I set out to do from the moment my world turned upside down--see God in it.

          I got a LOT of books as gifts in an effort to help me sort through the pain.  These are 3 that I would HIGHLY recommend to those who are dealing with grief.  Grace for the Widow by Joyce Rogers discusses both the profound and practical aspects of life, encouraging widows to center their lives on the Word of God, and provides practical ways this can be worked out in our daily lives. Hope for Those Who Struggle by Don Williams and Walking with Those Who Weep by Don & Ron Williams help to provide clarity and insight to those who are dealing with any type of grief. Hope for Those Who Struggle has specific information for people who have lost parents, spouses, children, both born and miscarried. 

          I received several personalized and precious pieces of jewelry. How do people even come up with this stuff?! On the first necklace you see a key hanging down with the word FAITH written on it.  This is such a sweet token from a sweet lady who barely knew me but who has become such a great source of encouragement to me. If you haven't heard of The Giving Keys, you should check their website out. It is such a simple, yet meaningful, way to encourage others and have them pay it forward.  I just adore the necklace with the quote about holding him in my heart! It has our wedding date, his initials, and a sentiment that will ALWAYS be true, no matter what.   My cousins got us matching bicycle bracelets--if you look closely there is a heart in the center of each wheel. Do you see that silver necklace there? The oval one? Yeah, that's Bradford's handwriting... :') Cue the waterworks!  A sweet friend of mine took a picture that I posted of a letter he had written me and had this made!  I'm in love with the Alex and Ani starfish bangle, and I'm even more in love with the meaning behind it.  The gal who gave it to me is quite the adaptable one, herself. :) The Katherine Popesco bracelet is from a dear family friend, and she wanted me to know that Bradford will always be remembered as iridescent, beautiful, shimmering, shining of many colors from the inside out, like that of a rainbow, like a kaleidoscope. I received 2 Pandora charms from my college girls {well, they're present-day, too!}  The one on the right has some sparkly, diamond-y jewels that represent each of us...The Fab Four!  The one on the left is called "Forget Me Knot" and represents Bradford.  And then there's the amazing necklace that says "I'll dream of you and count the days..."
          Anybody that knows me well knows how much I love music, esp. the indie/acoustic artists I've watched grow over the years.  Ernie Halter is one I discovered just before Bradford and I started dating.  He truly wrote the soundtrack to our love story, and I can't listen to him without visions of that crazy, loving dude I married.  In the first few days and weeks after losing him, all I could do was listen to his music, over and over again, tear after tear after tear.  You know when people say it hurts so good? That's what it was doing.  It made me feel close to Bradford, even though I knew he was gone and it tore me apart.  Count the Days was our song pretty much since day 1 {which made a lot of sense for our long-distance love}.  The thing about listening to this song after his death was that it was so upbeat,which felt so wrong, and all I could do was count the days until I would see him again.

We LOVED seeing him!  I don't know if Bradford ever laughed harder at me than the night we met him!

          Want to know why Ernie Halter is thebomb.com and one of the most incredible singer/songwriters EVER?! I mean, besides the obvious talent aspect.  He redid "our song." For me.  FOR ME!  This was definitely one of the most touching gifts I could've received. Thank you, Ernie, for selflessly using your talent to help this girl out, expecting nothing in return. You can {hopefully} listen to the song here:

Play Song
Here are the original and live versions of "Count the Days." 

          If you don't have any of this guy's music, I dare you to go to iTunes download an album or 2 of his tonight...or at least a song :)  Better yet, schedule him for a HOUSE CONCERT!  That's right, folks...he can come to YOU! :)  www.erniehalter.com
           I would be remiss if I didn't mention the never ending piles upon piles of cards sent to me from countless individuals, many I've never even met. Whether you wrote one card, have sent one monthly, weekly, or even DAILY, it touched me. I want to be more like so many of these people :)
          It would seriously take me all month  if I attempted to post pictures of every box of sunshine, Sonic unsweet raspberry tea, figurine, picture, etc. etc. ETC.  Again, it's not about the THINGS...it's the THINKS that have been so priceless.  Every thought and action have done so much in helping me face reality.
           Today was the perfect day for me to finish this post. It's so easy to be overcome with all of the worries of this world and the negativity in it while trying your best to bear the burdens of others around you who are hurting. I need to always remind myself of the good in this world, and when there doesn't seem to be any, remember this world isn't what it's all about, anyways. 

Who can YOU encourage today? What peace can you help to bring them?