tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38998225914168971502024-02-19T20:17:01.880-06:00Running the Racei'm just a simple girl who dreams of running. running towards my goals and my dreams...running my next race...and most importantly, running the race that has been set before me by the Lord. i hope to be an encourager to others through this blog. i want to be a runner for the best things of this life, running towards my eternal life.brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-16838913960570623552015-08-02T16:16:00.002-05:002015-08-02T16:16:42.364-05:00What You See<br />
<br />
<div>
Something I've learned as I've gotten older, met different
types of people, and traveled to several places, is that there are many
commonalities in various cultures. "Everyone smiles in the same
language" is printed on a poster in my classroom, featuring children of
different races. This is a phrase that has echoed in my mind time and
time again as I found myself in desolate African villages where I
literally knew no other way to communicate with the people.</div>
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It's a
phrase that has been written across my face as a woman directs me where to go in her thick, fluid Spanish lingo. It's one that has floated
through my mind as I made funny faces at a joyful infant. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Common
courtesy and respect go a long way in cultivating both meaningful and
temporary relationships in many cultures. In the south we say "yes/no
ma'am/sir." Elders are greeted with the word "shikamo" in Tanzania.
Many cultures expect that children remain quiet at the dinner table.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I learned something new in my most recent trip to TZ that crosses the barriers of culture, language, AND species.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Yes, species.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
I'll
just say it so we don't have to dwell on it and can carry on: I'm
obsessed with my dog. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiythP802ofiJNQtyM1Uy_A57OJDWbhcjiVmIhM6B85UcfRQ8av82PAywnsV9XiltJ72HTrLCUihSgSuFXAb_2kfvgkUL2lxmui9b5whDgbf4kQuuzJJE3S1PQFqDGirZgxxFNjO-LP19hk/s1600/IMG_6496.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiythP802ofiJNQtyM1Uy_A57OJDWbhcjiVmIhM6B85UcfRQ8av82PAywnsV9XiltJ72HTrLCUihSgSuFXAb_2kfvgkUL2lxmui9b5whDgbf4kQuuzJJE3S1PQFqDGirZgxxFNjO-LP19hk/s320/IMG_6496.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Need I say more?!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
Although he's pretty perfect in my eyes, he's a
little trouble maker. I can pretty confidently say that Ollie has gotten
more spankings than the young Brittany Anderson ever did. When he
gets to nosing around in things that he shouldn't, he hears me make a
loud, firm clap and say "ENNNNT." You know the sound--the one your mom
made when you tried to lick the bowl full of batter before it had been
put into the pan. The one your friend made when you got a trivia answer
wrong. The one that "some teacher" may or may not have accidentally used
on students when they were trying to prematurely rotate stations. {Go
on...say it out loud so we can all make sure we're on the same page.
ENNNNT!} Yeah, all creatures seem to freeze when you make that sound
{cue the Swahili speaking herd at VBS!}</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Something that always
seems to shock me when I go to TZ is the difference in the way bodies
are viewed. I can remember being warned before my first trip over there
that they would probably call some people fat, but they don't mean it to
be rude. It's just a simple observation. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Something
along those lines was said on my trip there earlier this summer, and it is sure to stay with me
forever. My sweet friend Beth and I went on an African safari. We saw a lot of beautiful things and have a lot of great stories to tell from that adventure. Probably half of those stories have to do with our safari guide, Benji. </div>
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We had many interesting conversations with him, none more memorable that the one when he told us that many African
men like girls who are fat.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I can only write
this next part with a smile on my face and a gut that hurts from
laughing because it simply isn't true. He said to Bethi, "You have on a
big body."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Not:</div>
<div>
"You're fat."</div>
<div>
"You have a big body."</div>
<div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>You have ON a big body.</b></span></div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
Some things that I might typically have ON: deoderant, earrings, glasses, makeup. Something I've never considered having on: my body.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0zR_tLIuQ8glNSczxnruvoZbMswsaMLdd4n5KWAuh4oFi_9dhyX7bRqfP2-QZ8CMoVIdSW_9e5MJ-DYvWHdREv4-SsLIEEAuU8HHG6yIoLpRmvXjLY3cBHbzfOelwi923H-c3Kf5A1A8w/s1600/FullSizeRender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0zR_tLIuQ8glNSczxnruvoZbMswsaMLdd4n5KWAuh4oFi_9dhyX7bRqfP2-QZ8CMoVIdSW_9e5MJ-DYvWHdREv4-SsLIEEAuU8HHG6yIoLpRmvXjLY3cBHbzfOelwi923H-c3Kf5A1A8w/s400/FullSizeRender.jpg" width="262" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Isn't she beautiful?! And she does NOT have on a big body!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
What
an interesting way to phrase that! I can't help but see the spiritual
application here. We are simply souls abiding in the flesh here on
earth. What we look like on the outside isn't what really is important.
What would you look like if your designer clothes were stripped off of
you? If you didn't have the body of a gym rat? If you couldn't hide
behind your mountain man beard? If all we could view of each other was
our souls?<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Did you just get a lump in your
throat? There have been many times in my life that I would be ashamed if
people could have seen beyond the body I "have on" and could see the
sin within.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It's really pretty cool to think
about being a soul in a body while on Earth knowing that we'll take a
different form in the everlasting. I recently read an article about
what happens after you die. It is a subject that there is a lot of
controversy over in many religions and denominations, and there is clearly a lot of misunderstanding of the Scriptures. Read it {<span style="color: yellow;"><a href="http://apologeticspress.org/APContent.aspx?category=11&article=1188&topic=428" target="_blank">HERE</a></span>}<br />
<br />
A
lot of well-meaning people try consoling me with encouraging words
stating that they KNOW Bradford is in Heaven. <i>Acts 2, by itself, proves
that a person does not go straight to heaven or hell when he dies, and
that a person does not become extinct, cease to exist, or pass into a
state of unconsciousness at death.</i> It gives me great comfort to
know that Bradford is very much in an alert state and not just sleeping.
I often wonder what Paradise must be like for him. Although his body
has returned to the dust from which he was formed, his soul will live
for eternity--as will so many others' that we know and love who have gone on before us!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I found this journal on another trip this summer:</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU5CzGVkSLHlzX8tnpPZH7z3DMAHi0q8E7icrn0fn10qRan4yJTIY_0sP9cIIKbnRKZkSYXXd13YEHPRjrspwvGd0uiy1tEYzdc9XLzlrCAzs2DwQd2kfimPWmNQxkXZ7k7D4uuJRVT1tU/s1600/FullSizeRender-02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU5CzGVkSLHlzX8tnpPZH7z3DMAHi0q8E7icrn0fn10qRan4yJTIY_0sP9cIIKbnRKZkSYXXd13YEHPRjrspwvGd0uiy1tEYzdc9XLzlrCAzs2DwQd2kfimPWmNQxkXZ7k7D4uuJRVT1tU/s320/FullSizeRender-02.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see." -Henry David Thoreau</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
</div>
<div>
What are you looking at? What do you see?</div>
<br />
<br />
When God looks at you, your life, and your mind, what does HE see?<br />
<br />
<br />brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-21988767750591653572015-06-02T15:14:00.001-05:002015-06-02T15:14:18.157-05:00Happy Place :)<br />
<img align="left" src="54489-194-1D10C40B79BBBD0E93E158571BE43027" style="border: 0px;" /><i>For since the beginning of the world Men have not heard nor perceived by the ear, Nor has the eye seen any God besides You, Who acts for the one who waits for Him</i>. Isaiah 64:4<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
I've been many places in the past 13 months. There have been times of constant pain and grief, and there have been times of laughter and joy. I've experienced some pretty dark and scary valleys, and today I experienced my highest high {literally!}.<br />
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<br /></div>
<div>
I don't know about you, but I'm a pretty visual thinker. Whenever I've been down in the dumps, I've had to go to my happy place. This usually consists of going to encouraging scriptures, praying, reading helpful quotes, or dreaming of what lies ahead. Want to know what I picture each and every time I go to my happy place?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This.<br />
<img src="webkit-fake-url://930d7a0d-ac0c-4844-83cc-c075240d9167/imagejpeg" /><br />
<img src="webkit-fake-url://fd784bc5-f664-4098-af08-cb17948d7bb9/imagejpeg" /></div>
<div>
{Wouldn't you know that I'm having trouble uploading to blogger while in TZ! All of the words on the site are written in Swahili!😁 I'll update this post soon! See the pic in the comments on Facebook.}<br />
<br />
The Ngorongoro Crater is a place I visited for the first time in 2005. It is such a magnificent place...a place with God's fingerprints all over it. Although the entirety of the crater is chock full of beauty, there's something perfectly breathtaking about this one spot along the exit route. There's something about the dark shade of the green trees angling to form this stunning "V." There's something about the way the bright blue of the sky, freckled with frothy white clouds, meets the blue of the water below, gently fading to the light green of the grass. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Every time I've been here I've been overcome with love for God and in awe of His majesty. The God who created the entire world in six days took the time for the intricacies of this masterpiece. The God who sent His Son to die for ALL of our sins has the power to form every hill, grow every tree, and care for each animal. THAT'S THE SAME GOD THAT LOVES ME! THAT'S the same God who works in mysterious ways to provide for me. That's the same God who wants ME to spend eternity with Him! And you know what? It's the same God who loves you and wants the same for YOU! It blows my mind that as beautiful as this place is, it doesn't begin to represent what awaits us in heaven!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Moments like these aren't soon, if ever, forgotten. They put things in perspective and help in times of doubt and despair. Traveling can shrink and humble us; we're so small in this great big world. That's something cool that I've grown to love about God...He's greater than it ALL!</div>
brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-65811781961398421022015-04-28T18:46:00.002-05:002015-04-28T18:46:55.418-05:00TRUST ME!<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
So it’s usually hard to decide exactly how I want to start a
post, especially when I know it’s not an upbeat, chipper, clickin’ my heels
kind of beginning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s be honest...how
many of my posts have actually started that way… ;)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last week stunk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More
harsh realities crept in {and by crept I actually mean stabbed me in the chest
with a knife} and death took the lives of those that colleagues of mine loved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Several months ago a coworker in my district was told that her husband's cancer had returned and the outlook was not good. </span>A couple of weeks ago I was told that the
husband of one of my coworkers was in the hospital and would not be coming
home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Both of these men passed away last week. </span>People are generally sad about
stuff like that--feeling sorry for those in the family, praying about it a few
times, maybe thinking about it over the next couple of days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once you have come face to face with loss,
you can’t help but feel a deeper hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
{Not that others CAN'T feel a deep hurt. Weeping with those who weep has simply taken a new meaning for me.} </span>It brought back so many memories of the first moments and days
after.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t help but wonder if in
any given moment, this sweet teachers' assistant was experiencing one of her worst moments
that she would remember months, and likely years or decades, later?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is she making arrangements?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is she filling out that dreadfully difficult
paperwork? Is she wailing into his pillow?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Is she remembering to BREATHE?! My heart literally hurts just thinking
about the pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am thankful that my
today is not a day I was facing a year ago, when it was still so very fresh and
even more physically exhausting than it is now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> It saddens me to think that would be even my worst enemy's current reality.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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The service for Mr. Duncan was on Sunday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was under the assumption that someone was
going with me, but as it turns out, I would be going alone.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Nobody would expect ME
to go alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure she will
understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, this is something
that is just so unbearable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This hits so
close to home.</i></div>
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<br /></div>
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Wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>THIS HITS SO
CLOSE TO HOME!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On Saturday I spent some time working on a lesson that I plan
to present in a class on a mission trip I’m going on to Tanzania, East Africa
this summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took a lot of good
insight from the book <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I Love Me, I Love
Me, Not</i> by Mrs. Rosemary McKnight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In it she describes how both low self-esteem and high self-esteem can
affect the role you play in the Kingdom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When you feel inferior, guilty, or fearful, you aren’t opening yourself
up to opportunities for growth and encouragement that you could otherwise
experience with confidence in yourself and in your God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thoughts of this lesson came to mind while I
was playing an internal tug-of-war.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">C’mon, Brittany.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The fact that this DOES hit so close to home
is EXACTLY why you need to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You go
places alone all the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ve got
this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has helped you through every step
of the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember how much people’s
presence meant to you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember how much
HER kind words and deeds meant to you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have no
choice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Suck it up and GO!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t have to stay—just speak to her
before and you can sneak out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I went.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anxious
and praying that I wouldn’t totally fall apart amongst strangers, I made the
drive out to this church for the service.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When I pulled up, I wasn’t totally sure I was in the right place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I walked in, only seeing a couple of familiar
faces, and made my way to have a seat on the back row.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hadn’t been sitting there too long when someone
came up beside me and asked if she could sit there with me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>YOU’VE. GOT. TO. BE.
KIDDING. ME.</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let’s rewind to April 9, 2014.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A sweet lady, who I came to realize was such
a sweet and brave soul, came and knocked on my door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She didn’t know me from Adam, but she brought me cards that her Bible
class had made for me at church that night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She explained that she lost her first husband in a car accident when she
was in her 20s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She and I had since made
plans to have dinner and talk about things, but it just hadn’t happened yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only conversation I had ever had with her
before Sunday was on my doorsteps the day after Bradford died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We didn’t have long to talk before the
service started {which we ended up staying for because the family was not in
there yet}, but that was the absolute best thing that could have happened to
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were able to share a little bit about our experiences, some with smiles and some with tears. Although we don’t know each other
well at all, we both know the hurt that comes from losing your spouse unexpectedly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that she could have been the support I
needed if I fell apart right there—and let’s be honest, she was a much better
alternative than the menthol man sitting on the other side of me ;) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes you have to look really closely at things and
search intensely to see God in them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
sometimes He just hits you square in the face and says HERE I AM!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>TRUST ME!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiYV9AaJwVunfhzDlg5EKzyIR1rEm9oO31vJ646tGJbJi6aIbFFgdi8SNjNyPYK5vwo7ATfuAeLn2ol1uflfWj9U6uvmhhjmhPMwyzS72E-Twcb-T0XrI2TUXQgJGbPuTTwS0gP4AuxTYv/s1600/painful.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiYV9AaJwVunfhzDlg5EKzyIR1rEm9oO31vJ646tGJbJi6aIbFFgdi8SNjNyPYK5vwo7ATfuAeLn2ol1uflfWj9U6uvmhhjmhPMwyzS72E-Twcb-T0XrI2TUXQgJGbPuTTwS0gP4AuxTYv/s1600/painful.jpg" height="280" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After losing Bradford , <i>they</i> said I would have a million acts of kindness done and feel so overwhelmed with the goodness of friends, family, and strangers. Ms. Mickie is such a kind lady. She is one example of a selfless and truly giving heart who showed up to help me when I needed it most. Who would've ever thought I would have the opportunity to do the same a year later?! I'm <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<s>crossing my fingers</s> praying to God that I won't be too much or too little, but that I'll be able to provide just the right amount of love and encouragement that she and Ms. Jean need right now. Kind of like Baby Bear #justright ;)</div>
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<br /></div>
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I hope that you’re actively seeking Him through His Word and
in your life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is there, and, boy, is
He good.<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"></span></span>
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<br />brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-79573331393350245852015-04-08T23:51:00.000-05:002015-04-08T23:51:20.191-05:00{good} grief<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWUYenRxldjI64pq24ZqKGpzQ1ZVE2e09Np8hBB83vB5LMS6jBNqfIVwrcZA3IodTL-UP51uaNnpNuJnh18lrt163kC2ehUNvUIsq1yJa9kcjRxnq6l9Zok5VmDuS2FKTbyGd3ji031Kyz/s1600/photo+9.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWUYenRxldjI64pq24ZqKGpzQ1ZVE2e09Np8hBB83vB5LMS6jBNqfIVwrcZA3IodTL-UP51uaNnpNuJnh18lrt163kC2ehUNvUIsq1yJa9kcjRxnq6l9Zok5VmDuS2FKTbyGd3ji031Kyz/s1600/photo+9.JPG" height="265" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<i>May the LORD answer you in the day of trouble; May the name of the God
of Jacob defend you; May He send you help from the sanctuary, And
strengthen you out of Zion; May He remember all your offerings, And
accept your burnt sacrifice. May He grant you according to your
heart’s desire, And fulfill all your purpose. We will rejoice in your
salvation, And in the name of our God we will set up our banners! May
the LORD fulfill all your petitions. Now I know that the LORD saves His
anointed; He will answer him from His holy heaven With the saving
strength of His right hand. Some trust in chariots, and some in horses;
But we will remember the name of the LORD our God. They have bowed down
and fallen; But we have risen and stand upright. Save, LORD! May the
King answer us when we call.</i></div>
Psalm 20:1-9</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It's been a year of highs and lows, laughter and weeping, blessings and curses, love and loss, pride and humility. It's
been a year since my husband died in a car accident at 28 years old.
{You can read about it <a href="http://bhrunningtherace.blogspot.com/2014/06/fog-clarity.html" target="_blank">here</a>.} It's been 365 days since I've heard his
laugh, held his hand, looked into his eyes, and felt him look into my
soul. As with many who face loss, we encounter a lot of unknowns. I
better understand a lot of things now than I did a year ago, despite
so many questions, and I'm
certain I'll have an even better understanding a year from now.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3WWH8QVuWMWcleedarwTo2fDGj9gXm50L_zhBSWm_KaW6SOZCKGjmn9eTn7cxbmMlHegMH1C-jbva6yMTlz-Lxeiqg99mfsYeqsK-HFpkuWguC9deyG7QoKeXoQx9U3SLNnW0k7hl_ZqX/s1600/photo+4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3WWH8QVuWMWcleedarwTo2fDGj9gXm50L_zhBSWm_KaW6SOZCKGjmn9eTn7cxbmMlHegMH1C-jbva6yMTlz-Lxeiqg99mfsYeqsK-HFpkuWguC9deyG7QoKeXoQx9U3SLNnW0k7hl_ZqX/s1600/photo+4.PNG" height="192" width="320" /></a></div>
If I could have a conversation with myself a year ago
about the things I need to do for myself in GRIEF in the following
months {in true elementary teacher fashion with an acrostic ;)}, it
would go a little something like this:<br /><br /><span style="color: red;">G is for Guidance </span><br />
<i> Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established. </i>Proverbs 15:22<br />
You're
going to need counsel in many forms. Learning how to study the
Scriptures, and I mean REALLY study the Scriptures, is going to be the
best thing you can do for yourself. It is THE way to build your faith
{faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God Romans 10:17},
and boy are you going to need that. It will honestly be the only thing
that makes any sense. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja-ob_9sLApQhdqcZeJef5JFGlqgo0Rwtqzj_arf9GKlECfXxcB4l9uhIgjx2t4QbdZMJ2AMK4ghUWHuOLh_9lmOeNbdCTKuVuCPM8FIdfGeLvPyM838pJjKVqs-ZMeh1xBu4_tVXsfFnC/s1600/photo+1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja-ob_9sLApQhdqcZeJef5JFGlqgo0Rwtqzj_arf9GKlECfXxcB4l9uhIgjx2t4QbdZMJ2AMK4ghUWHuOLh_9lmOeNbdCTKuVuCPM8FIdfGeLvPyM838pJjKVqs-ZMeh1xBu4_tVXsfFnC/s1600/photo+1.PNG" height="320" width="313" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJnK_G08BgTeho79HUOTFgORQtaJKZMC68v5I2-NKpwvMb3x3MhlOrppJi8LW3i5OmUebfbY3Lbu7kPdSdKeGk1Mwf9D_7kfQ_OeBmyzYoFYWxgjWJ2pmrg5rNW82x6TYS7zl98XivU7A6/s1600/photo+7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
Committing to seeking
guidance from a professional will be irreplaceable. You'll have so many
emotions to sort through and it will be helpful to know what is
"normal." It won't always be easy, but that's okay. None of this really
is. It's also going to be kind of convenient that your husband was "in the biz" and several of his friends/coworkers will regularly reach out to you to try and assist you. It's going to be so precious and helpful to you, if only just by knowing that they remember.<br /> You will need to surround yourself with godly people with whom
you wish to have help point to the Scriptures for strength and
motivation. There will be no room in your life for naggers, but only
people who will give you the encouragement and space you need to grieve
this loss and help give you godly counsel.<br /><br /><span style="color: red;">R is for Rest and Redefining </span><br /> Rest
is going to be more challenging than you think, but try to get it every
chance you can. It isn't going to make any sense; your body will be more
exhausted than you could've ever imagined, mentally and physically, yet
you will struggle with getting a full night of sleep, oh, 364 out of
365 of the upcoming nights. You may wanna invest in lavender and Lunesta
early on. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJnK_G08BgTeho79HUOTFgORQtaJKZMC68v5I2-NKpwvMb3x3MhlOrppJi8LW3i5OmUebfbY3Lbu7kPdSdKeGk1Mwf9D_7kfQ_OeBmyzYoFYWxgjWJ2pmrg5rNW82x6TYS7zl98XivU7A6/s1600/photo+7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJnK_G08BgTeho79HUOTFgORQtaJKZMC68v5I2-NKpwvMb3x3MhlOrppJi8LW3i5OmUebfbY3Lbu7kPdSdKeGk1Mwf9D_7kfQ_OeBmyzYoFYWxgjWJ2pmrg5rNW82x6TYS7zl98XivU7A6/s1600/photo+7.PNG" height="320" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seriously...thebomb.com. Who knew?!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Redefining yourself is going to be
one of the most challenging aspects of this grief thing. The instant your husband
died, you became a widow. Husbandless. 1/2 of a "we." Don't rush into
figuring this out, because when you do... Well, rest will REALLY become
an issue then. It will be hard internalizing that you're not a wife
anymore...that you're not HIS wife. One day you WILL reach a place that you become more comfortable
with it. Not OK with it, but more comfortable. You will probably still
say "we" a year later, but you'll eventually learn to play it off like
you were talking about you and your dog. #allthetime<br /><br /><span style="color: red;">I is for Information and Insight </span><br /><i> That
the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you
the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, the eyes of
your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the
hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance
in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward
us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power. </i>Ephesians 1:17-19<br />
You're going to get a lot of books.
Read them, mark in them, take notes, and reread. Although no two grief
journeys are the same, there are things you can learn from the insight
of others who have "been there." There is a LOT of interesting
information on grief, and the more informed you are, the better you feel
about it. Normalcy will be what you hope for when you feel your
craziest. You're going to meet others throughout this year who have
traveled this road. Their insight and experience will help with creating
normalcy. The bond you will feel with many of them with be instant, and
you will all have at least one thing in common--nobody wants to be in
this club. <br /><br /><span style="color: red;">E is for Expression </span><br /> Use your creativity to
express your love and your loss. Some things will be more painful than
others, but there is a lot of healing and encouragement in expression.
Blogging, journaling, decorating, and creating a memorial will be
excellent outlets for you. Do them, and do them often. Part of expression will be in surrounding yourself with people who are comfortable with hearing story after story and emotion after emotion. Pray for these people, and pray for them often. You're probably going to wear them out. :)<br /><br /><span style="color: red;">F is for forgiveness</span><br /> There
are a lot of things that are going to be said and done that will be
hurtful. Like your dad said, nobody is going to intentionally hurt you,
but it's going to happen. Know it's coming from a good place. You're
going to have some things about the past that YOU are going to
regret...forgive yourself. <br /><br /> When it comes to grief, I wholeheartedly believe in the power
of the struggle and see the benefit to doing the "hard things," even
when nobody else is doing them or understands why you're choosing to do them. Grief is more unique than a fingerprint.
It is different for every person. What works for me may not work for you and vice versa.<br />
I ran across an <a href="http://stillstandingmag.com/2014/01/8-questions-reflect-year-grief/" target="_blank">{article}</a> recently that
had some personal questions about how one feels he/she handled grief
during the previous year. I plan to answer them and hope that if you're
experiencing grief that you will, too.<br />
<ol>
<li>Did I give myself permission to grieve freely, at my own pace, and in the ways I needed to?</li>
<li>Did I give myself permission to fully experience love for my spouse/child/sibling/friend?</li>
<li>Did I allow for moments of happiness without guilt?</li>
<li>Was I honest with others about my feelings?</li>
<li>Did I honor my loved one in ways I chose to?</li>
<li>Did I embrace my pain in order to release it?</li>
<li>Did I open my heart up to healing moments, once I was ready?</li>
<li>Did I go on living life in the aftermath of the death of my loved one? </li>
</ol>
<strong></strong><strong></strong><strong></strong> I've done a lot of thinking about Matthew 5:4- <i>Blessed are those who
mourn, For they shall be comforted.</i> Most commentaries that I've
referenced say that this is talking about sinners being overcome with a
godly sorrow, leading to repentance, and then ultimately being comforted
by God who redeems His own through salvation. What I see in this verse
is that the word mourn is a verb. It's an action, not a feeling. It
doesn't say those who are really, really sad or those who cry...it says
those who MOURN. If you consider the context of this passage in
reference to grief, I think at some point, once we've gone through many
of the stages, we can totally be comforted in a way that only turning to
God can provide. Mourning takes action, and that's not always easy.
Should you feel bad if it takes a while for that comfort to come to you? Not at all. My prayer is that all who mourn will totally embrace
it and commit to riding it out while immersing themselves in His truth.<br />
Bradford
James Higgins taught me more about life and love than I ever thought I
could know. He was a fantastic fella and my most fav. My life is forever
changed for the better because our paths crossed. There were moments I
literally didn't know how I could take another breath without him. How
would I make it through the day? Week? Month?! And here we are...a year later.
I miss him every single day and always will. The last words he ever
spoke to another person {from what phone records and timing tell me}
were to me and were "I'll see you when I get there." <br /><br /> How about I'LL see YOU when iiii get there, Bradford. :)<br />
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<br /><strong> </strong><strong> </strong>brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-18647116218814066342015-03-09T19:56:00.000-05:002015-03-09T19:56:50.593-05:00Content<br />
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The anticipation for this past
weekend has been years in the making! My
lil bro, Bradley, finally married the girl of his dreams!<br />
It was just over a year ago that Lauren
and Bradley got engaged at the Grand Canyon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Bradford and I came to town for Tyler and Janna’s wedding shower and,
luckily, the newly engaged couple made it back to town before we left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Janna recently told me about the
last time she saw him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were about to
leave the restaurant, and Bradford told her he’d see her at her wedding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They both did a cute little dance. :’)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who knew that would be the last trip we took
to MS together.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
…</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At Bradley and Lauren’s rehearsal
dinner, each person in the wedding party was to get up and say a little
something about the bride and groom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
don’t normally get nervous in front of a crowd, but for whatever reason I kept
saying how much I enjoyed growing up with Bradley “at the house.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>HAHA!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I mean, we had fun in public too, unless you count that time I thought I
would throw him out of my car while he was hanging half of his body out of the
window as I was driving down the interstate. Everything but that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And maybe the time he punched me in the
mouth. ;) Something I forgot to mention was how happy they always are talking
about one another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bradley and I have
had countless conversations where he would simply say, “She’s awesome” with
such a cute little grin on his face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There’s nothing in this world that brings me greater joy for him than to
see the way that Lauren looks at him and talks about him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know how much she admires and respects
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>{I will never forget being looked at
and made to feel the same way!} Even better than that, I know how much she
loves God and wants to please Him, and that will naturally overflow into her
marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something else I forgot to say
at the rehearsal is that I’m SO GLAD that Lauren found SOME WAY to get to be my
sister!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever it takes, right?! <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">:)</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Weddings
have always been emotional for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most
girls attend them and at some point in their lives wonder if they’ll ever find
love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then there are the weddings
you attend after you HAVE found love and can’t wait for your own!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even still, you’ll go to some after being
married and have great memories of your own wedding to look back on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of us even go to weddings after our spouses
have passed on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hands down, those are
the toughest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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I was so thrilled to have a front
row seat {minus the chair, add the high heels and a few stairs} and witness
these two lovebirds letting the whole world know how serious they are about their
commitment to one another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It blows my
mind how I can be so overjoyed that I can’t stand it, yet so ridiculously
sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tears were flowing because I was so
thrilled that my brother has found the one whom his soul loves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has a partner in this life to build him up
when the world tries to bring him down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
has someone to share the best and worst moments in life with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has the most adorable mom for my future nieces/nephews!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time kind of froze in the moment I heard them
say, “As long as we both shall live.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Tears also flowed as my mind went back to my own wedding day, and I couldn’t
help but compare the happiness on their faces with the unknowing joy on mine
and Bradford’s faces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No clue!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
But you know what is cool?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We did it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We were faithfully committed to one another as long as we both
lived.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even knowing what I know now, I
wouldn’t change it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d marry him a
million times over.<br />
The prayer I began March 7, 2015 is
one I will continue—that they will not know the pain of losing one another for
a very, very long time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That they will
grow old together, <a href="http://ifunny.co/fun/wRgfNktj2" target="_blank">even when their legs don’t work like they used to before…</a></div>
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<br />
One of my favorite inspirations has
become Michelle Steinke, founder of <a href="http://www.onefitwidow.com/" target="_blank">One Fit Widow</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She lost her husband in 2009 and has found
numerous ways to encourage others who find themselves walking a path similar to
hers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She recently remarried, and before
she did, she and her fiancé had this to say--He told her he’s never known
anyone who loves more completely and more deeply than her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She laughed and said, “You don’t know very
many widows, do you?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There really is a
unique perspective, deep sensibility, and keen awareness of time, or lack
thereof, which is granted to survivors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re
aware of the value of each moment we have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In recent months I discovered that although I gave every bit of my love
away, I’m pretty sure I still have a whole lot more where that came from.<br />
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3899822591416897150" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3899822591416897150" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3899822591416897150" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a> I hope that wherever you are on
your love map, that you will be satisfied and content in being who God wants
you to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He takes care of His children
and provides for them in ways that only He can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Lonely?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s got you covered and
is with you {Matthew 28:20}.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Abundantly
happy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s right there with you and
wants you to trust in Him {Proverbs 16:20}.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Aggravated and disappointed?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well..are you clinging to Him or more concerned with yourself and your
own agenda?</div>
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I pray that whatever your
circumstances are that you are able to allow God to “do His thing” without
getting in the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope that you will
look to Him, and trust that He will provide you with exactly what you need,
exactly when you need it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray, most of
all, that you will be content.<br />
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</div>
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</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Now godliness with contentment is great
gain.</i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;">
1
Timothy 6:6</div>
<br />brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-9269616437067591762015-02-24T20:22:00.002-06:002015-02-24T20:22:39.076-06:00All About the ThinKs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I bought a huge box of thank you cards before I flew back to TN from
Kansas back in June, figuring I'd have some time to get caught up on
some thank you notes during my layover. The only thing I caught up on
was phone calls and the current book on grief I was reading. During the
next several months it was all I could do to even breathe. I don't want
to make excuses, but living really hurt, let alone reliving the trauma
from April. Fast forward to now...<br />
There isn't a day that goes by
that I don't remember many of the kind things that were done for me in
the moments, days, and weeks after losing Bradford. I run into people in
town and smile to myself, thinking of whatever selfless acts they
displayed to me in a time I needed it most. I've tried to express to
people just how much they mean to me, but I don't know that I could give
enough hugs, say enough heartfelt words, or give back enough to tell
just how blessed I've been and how thankful I am.<br />
During the 2015 Snowpocolypse, I've made the time to finally write out many more of the
thank yous that I've put off for too long. I'm realizing why... It's
not that I'm not thankful. It's not that I'm ungrateful. It's not that
I'm simply just that lazy. <br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It's hard. </span><br />
It's hard to revisit those
times, visualizing all that was associated with what each person did
for me and that pain that accompanied it.<br />
It's hard to express how
deeply touched I was by countless brave and selfless individuals.<br />
It's
hard feeling like I'll never be able to give back and return to others
what was given to me.<br />
And it's hard realizing that it's been almost 11
months and many people have yet to have a handwritten thank you from me,
which I feel displays a lack of gratitude.<br />
I've been on the
fence about whether or not I would share this blog. I want everyone to
see some of the most precious tokens I was given. I'm surrounded by so
many incredibly loving people, near and far, and have been blown away by
not only the material gifts I've been given, but their gifts of
listening, showing up, and fearlessly helping me through this thing
called grief. My fear in sharing some of the tangible gifts I've
received is that I know I'm leaving so many things out, and I don't want
to THESE come across as being more important than the gifts of
encouragement, time, and attempted understanding. I just got some really
thoughtful things I wanted to share with y'all...<br />
<br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">
First of all, what girl doesn't love flowers every now n then? I have
some thoughtful folks in my life who knew just when to make this girl
feel extra special.</div>
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This is seriously one of the most thoughtful
gifts ever. If you don't know <a href="http://www.jlgerhardt.squarespace.com/" target="_blank">Jennifer Gerhardt</a>, you should. She is a
writer/blogger/mommy extraordinaire, and she has shared her gift of
writing in the form of a self-paced writing workshop called Field Notes [a workshop]. Her
sweet parents, who were also Bradford's dorm parents at FHU, gifted this
to me. Click <a href="http://www.jlgerhardt.squarespace.com/field-notes-about-page" target="_blank">here </a>to find out more information about it for yourself or
someone you know who would benefit from this. It has provided such
insight and proven to be oh so helpful in helping me to
do what I set out to do from the moment my world turned upside down--see
God in it.<br />
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I got a LOT of books as gifts in an effort to help me
sort through the pain. These are 3 that I would HIGHLY recommend to
those who are dealing with grief. <i>Grace for the Widow</i> by Joyce Rogers
discusses both the profound and practical aspects of life, encouraging
widows to center their lives on the Word of God, and provides practical
ways this can be worked out in our daily lives. <i>Hope for Those Who
Struggle</i> by Don Williams and <i>Walking with Those Who Weep</i> by Don &
Ron Williams help to provide clarity and insight to those who are
dealing with any type of grief. <i>Hope for Those Who Struggle</i> has specific
information for people who have lost parents, spouses, children, both
born and miscarried. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzJqMPSQF_kGS9b0J0Sd-YRmg9senLSoCy5xdYFi_eNKT9kEwwG2lfJvLZ_OMlmGS7ZBB6MxPruGK5yq0M5I-SzEmgHXiXLV-M1BoVcURFZtCHA_htYnZmb_i5d2NbTOEjBtASuO9rm-Kl/s1600/8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzJqMPSQF_kGS9b0J0Sd-YRmg9senLSoCy5xdYFi_eNKT9kEwwG2lfJvLZ_OMlmGS7ZBB6MxPruGK5yq0M5I-SzEmgHXiXLV-M1BoVcURFZtCHA_htYnZmb_i5d2NbTOEjBtASuO9rm-Kl/s1600/8.jpg" height="228" width="320" /></a></div>
I received several personalized and
precious pieces of jewelry. How do people even come up with this stuff?! On the first necklace you see a key hanging down with the word
FAITH written on it. This is such a sweet token from a sweet lady who barely knew me but who has become such a great source of encouragement
to me. If you haven't heard of The Giving Keys, you should check their <a href="http://www.thegivingkeys.com/" target="_blank">website</a> out. It is such a simple, yet meaningful, way to encourage
others and have them pay it forward. I just adore the necklace with the quote about holding him in my heart!
It has our wedding date, his initials, and a sentiment that will ALWAYS be true, no matter what. My cousins got us matching bicycle bracelets--if you look closely there
is a heart in the center of each wheel. Do you see that silver necklace there? The oval one? Yeah, that's
Bradford's handwriting... :') Cue the waterworks! A sweet friend of mine took a picture that I posted of a letter he had written me and had this made! I'm in love with the Alex and Ani starfish bangle, and I'm even more in love with the meaning behind it. The gal who gave it to me is quite the adaptable one, herself. :) The Katherine Popesco bracelet
is from a dear family friend, and she wanted me to know that Bradford
will always be remembered as iridescent, beautiful, shimmering, shining
of many colors from the inside out, like that of a rainbow, like a
kaleidoscope. I received 2 Pandora charms from my college girls {well, they're present-day, too!} The one on the right has some sparkly, diamond-y jewels that represent each of us...The Fab Four! The one on the left is called "Forget Me Knot" and represents Bradford. And then there's the amazing necklace that
says "I'll dream of you and count the days..."<br />
Anybody that
knows me well knows how much I love music, esp. the indie/acoustic
artists I've watched grow over the years. Ernie Halter is one I
discovered just before Bradford and I started dating. He truly wrote
the soundtrack to our love story, and I can't listen to him without
visions of that crazy, loving dude I married. In the first few days and
weeks after losing him, all I could do was listen to his music, over
and over again, tear after tear after tear. You know when people say it
hurts so good? That's what it was doing. It made me feel close to
Bradford, even though I knew he was gone and it tore me apart. <i>Count
the Days</i> was our song pretty much since day 1 {which made a lot of sense
for our long-distance love}. The thing about listening to this song
after his death was that it was so upbeat,which felt so wrong, and all I could do was count
the days until I would see him again.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtrjiRHGIJ-M3LpZpOPpk51RtaJ8jwN5woOBLSYN80NCPLkwCp7DlLRExggXiy0LyRbcG5ZtdDzQMOitWUsB8Cnwuu8fnLSvGMLsYe8eU2KHhv6nEnFRWIwNSmD4Hyv37c0pG3J-8GqRt3/s1600/10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtrjiRHGIJ-M3LpZpOPpk51RtaJ8jwN5woOBLSYN80NCPLkwCp7DlLRExggXiy0LyRbcG5ZtdDzQMOitWUsB8Cnwuu8fnLSvGMLsYe8eU2KHhv6nEnFRWIwNSmD4Hyv37c0pG3J-8GqRt3/s1600/10.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We LOVED seeing him! I don't know if Bradford ever laughed harder at me than the night we met him!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Want to know why Ernie
Halter is thebomb.com and one of the most incredible singer/songwriters
EVER?! I mean, besides the obvious talent aspect. He redid "our song."
For me. FOR ME! This was definitely one of the most touching gifts I
could've received. Thank you, Ernie, for selflessly using your talent to
help this girl out, expecting nothing in return. You can {hopefully}
listen to the song here:
<br /><br />
<embed 27="" flashvars="audioUrl=http://sites.google.com/site/mediafilesbhrunningtherace/mp3
height=" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" quality="best" src="http://www.google.com/reader/ui/3523697345-audio-player.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" wmode="transparent"></embed>
<a href="https://sites.google.com/site/mediafilesbhrunningtherace/mp3">Play Song</a><br />
Here are the original and live versions of "Count the Days." <br />
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<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://ytimg.googleusercontent.com/vi/f047chtX7U0/0.jpg" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/f047chtX7U0?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://ytimg.googleusercontent.com/vi/Mje7q84Z8LQ/0.jpg" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Mje7q84Z8LQ?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
If you don't have any of this guy's music, I dare you to go to iTunes download an album or 2 of his <span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT225_com_zimbra_date"><span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT226_com_zimbra_date">tonight</span></span>...or at least a song :) Better yet, schedule him for a HOUSE CONCERT! That's right, folks...he can come to YOU! :) <a href="http://www.erniehalter.com/">www.erniehalter.com</a><br />
I
would be remiss if I didn't mention the never ending piles upon piles
of cards sent to me from countless individuals, many I've never even
met. Whether you wrote one card, have sent one monthly, weekly, or even
DAILY, it touched me. I want to be more like so many of these people :)<br />
It would seriously take me all month if I attempted to post pictures of every box of
sunshine, Sonic unsweet raspberry tea, figurine, picture, etc. etc. ETC. Again, it's not about the THINGS...it's the THINKS that have been so priceless. Every thought and action have done so much in helping me face reality.<br />
<span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT227_com_zimbra_date">Today</span>
was the perfect day for me to finish this post. It's so easy to be
overcome with all of the worries of this world and the negativity in it
while trying your best to bear the burdens of others around you who are
hurting. I need to always remind myself of the good in this world, and
when there doesn't seem to be any, remember this world isn't what it's
all about, anyways.<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div style="color: red;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Who can YOU encourage <span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT228_com_zimbra_date"><span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT229_com_zimbra_date">today</span></span>? What peace can you help to bring them? </span><script src="http://mediaplayer.yahoo.com/js" type="text/javascript">
</script></div>
brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-66117646449090359132015-01-26T21:56:00.000-06:002015-01-26T21:56:43.218-06:00Loopty-Loo<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBTG9gzrIDRfYI7qMWV3sP23eVw26mkZrQmlmoxQyULkAKMu2IlkkPdg6BQXC9mPxGbTh7szOUYqMCbHoDBfXb01t8xPllcR8UAG-P9hNA2rnqKznfjtBK6Fm7tRanJfbQwaTJJLvVCxjf/s1600/engage8.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBTG9gzrIDRfYI7qMWV3sP23eVw26mkZrQmlmoxQyULkAKMu2IlkkPdg6BQXC9mPxGbTh7szOUYqMCbHoDBfXb01t8xPllcR8UAG-P9hNA2rnqKznfjtBK6Fm7tRanJfbQwaTJJLvVCxjf/s1600/engage8.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">If
the Andersons weren't busy getting excessive amounts of <span class="object"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT74_com_zimbra_date"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT73_com_zimbra_date">sun</span></span></span> at the local Y
growing up, you could most likely find us at Six Flags. We LOVED riding roller
coasters--the bigger the better. I can remember the first time I rode the
Shockwave. It was the one right by the interstate and I always cringed as I
watched people go upside down not once, but TWICE! I'm pretty sure I cried the
whole way through the line, but Daddy insisted that I try it. Turns out, I loved
everything about it and begged to ride it again! The best thing was when you
were done riding and there was no line, so you got to stay on board for another
round.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1NrIVU9guveKf2IFyPZtsPMndTEKT11qFvIzVMWXXdLVm7wCqUChk1mP5foXpa85_LpEPY35UuAcdPTdgwnEMrOnP4Dif9Gs775hpR7I1F2a6qOgv3cFVNz9FxTaqjMOU6y9hnTic_jDr/s1600/shockwave.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1NrIVU9guveKf2IFyPZtsPMndTEKT11qFvIzVMWXXdLVm7wCqUChk1mP5foXpa85_LpEPY35UuAcdPTdgwnEMrOnP4Dif9Gs775hpR7I1F2a6qOgv3cFVNz9FxTaqjMOU6y9hnTic_jDr/s1600/shockwave.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">You
wanna know what my least favorite roller coaster is? <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">This one</span>. </span>The high points
have been higher and longer lasting than they've been to date, but the lows
drop faster than anything the Tower of Terror has ever seen. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">People
probably don't really care to read my sob story about the sadness I deal
with/overcome/succumb to daily or the nostalgia of every special day, but I want to keep this memory to remind myself
of everything I've dealt with in days to come, and, possibly, provide some sense of normalcy for
someone else experiencing a similar pain. If you're in the former group, just
stop reading now ;)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">This
past weekend I went to "Granny G's Christmas." It's the one time of
year that all of my grandma's extended family gets together down in Fayette, AL
to eat, laugh, and play games. We didn't go last year because we went to NOLA
to cheer on my sister-in-law Melissa in her first 1/2 marathon. So, this was my
first one to attend without Bradford since we've been together. I had a really great week and started off
the day with the best of intentions to remain as upbeat as I could, even though
the memories flooded me, starting with the first ice patch I dodged before I even
got to Main St. You see, <span class="object"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT77_com_zimbra_date"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT75_com_zimbra_date">today</span></span></span> marks 5 years
since that sweet fella asked me to marry him. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAxU4bIRBVQbnu7nNTQVDA8LTF-K0Uo0TBf25hFDpjNf_mEBnXJU1xV8bgaqsL7yEHSWuqlGlYmVw-aUXEwtODaHn_qY_PKkWxI4qeABq4GjYsrT-cZbumClsLTqIkRMu5JJs45aIK3I0p/s1600/engage5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAxU4bIRBVQbnu7nNTQVDA8LTF-K0Uo0TBf25hFDpjNf_mEBnXJU1xV8bgaqsL7yEHSWuqlGlYmVw-aUXEwtODaHn_qY_PKkWxI4qeABq4GjYsrT-cZbumClsLTqIkRMu5JJs45aIK3I0p/s1600/engage5.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love that he proposed in the living room of the house I live in today :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV61SITI6UsCc4uv-ZSpYuvlSM-tSzvKYqNa8lz0u9DRNkzLWcMMHuuyl869QX5eUqQpaa0JRZpjLSz6QF9Nm35V99EV21b8nSrHlVVhSqIL3LQLHxnfy4hIwHKb_CHlH9cnGQ-ahsMMjI/s1600/engage6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV61SITI6UsCc4uv-ZSpYuvlSM-tSzvKYqNa8lz0u9DRNkzLWcMMHuuyl869QX5eUqQpaa0JRZpjLSz6QF9Nm35V99EV21b8nSrHlVVhSqIL3LQLHxnfy4hIwHKb_CHlH9cnGQ-ahsMMjI/s1600/engage6.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
This crazy guy drove down to MS to ask my family's blessing to marry me {after meeting them only once, I might add!} He cooked my favorite meal and I called him Lucifer for asking me to stray from my diet #CLUELESS<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE5XLXR9aK6oVfojXUGjYXisvmXJYzt5OfuyAYWgKl1YFVF-UJshmo9r09XggoQqCHBrK9-e7mdMfvOZlyXOcf-6pMvm9_KYEyx4w8-IN20bFp1eN-9mmMyY4FtN2R5NKczkuhiGDmq9WN/s1600/engage7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE5XLXR9aK6oVfojXUGjYXisvmXJYzt5OfuyAYWgKl1YFVF-UJshmo9r09XggoQqCHBrK9-e7mdMfvOZlyXOcf-6pMvm9_KYEyx4w8-IN20bFp1eN-9mmMyY4FtN2R5NKczkuhiGDmq9WN/s1600/engage7.jpg" height="320" width="237" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There goes my fiance, y'all! I couldn't wait for him to never have to leave at night again. And don't worry; my walls aren't green anymore ;)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The
following weekend was the annual <span class="object"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT78_com_zimbra_date"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT76_com_zimbra_date">Christmas</span></span></span> gathering.
It snowed so much that week, but there was NO WAY I wasn't making the
trek down to show off my man and my bling!</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkUEWfHfyfI9eyF52Crk4T8-eVp-uKZashELGqtzJ-LWIrk0g2pKS7r5OT-0d2qjer_yUP7T0i4Pffcy-RXRgpHgOKcpIrJ6gLQP6Fb6HgCyHStUBr331bPTMPfwJuGToFD3lOb1ne5FIO/s1600/engage1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkUEWfHfyfI9eyF52Crk4T8-eVp-uKZashELGqtzJ-LWIrk0g2pKS7r5OT-0d2qjer_yUP7T0i4Pffcy-RXRgpHgOKcpIrJ6gLQP6Fb6HgCyHStUBr331bPTMPfwJuGToFD3lOb1ne5FIO/s1600/engage1.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcIXDn3N9nri5CJHahf-nBM48DqW_cIAhzDmsdg2PMU9ue-yqz_DmUUGMvmCatHu1J621IzLsix-t7nG3_stkdfyy-07Z6XiHYWFUEiKOK2D6pXV5dXWAfp3OGu2fPV7mmagV8nEQtCpG3/s1600/engage2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcIXDn3N9nri5CJHahf-nBM48DqW_cIAhzDmsdg2PMU9ue-yqz_DmUUGMvmCatHu1J621IzLsix-t7nG3_stkdfyy-07Z6XiHYWFUEiKOK2D6pXV5dXWAfp3OGu2fPV7mmagV8nEQtCpG3/s1600/engage2.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ice, Ice Baby! The funny thing about this picture is that I took it right in front of the house we ended up living in!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiy7AC3c_oTzgYBOb_1HFZ0w3vVJ5edsZ6SzzeqqM0-t_ef1iBjsFtR6urX7kG5y_bG3NJm3X9owE4INPNdHdJrAPDYrrvr0pBe6XEQmMHz-rXwzClsoS0mLCMwNic-871e7SudMUO906U/s1600/engage3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiy7AC3c_oTzgYBOb_1HFZ0w3vVJ5edsZ6SzzeqqM0-t_ef1iBjsFtR6urX7kG5y_bG3NJm3X9owE4INPNdHdJrAPDYrrvr0pBe6XEQmMHz-rXwzClsoS0mLCMwNic-871e7SudMUO906U/s1600/engage3.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look at these BABIES!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsUXcW1TSQGMQqIxQG4SgHKRRL4Ut9qKje9Rz3nV0nom6PgTsXgY6EvS33kebnvMQkxMths2nQyDhVBP0OZSPR_TiUXhOlShhYGN7mRqm-rfAfekkSCMXANxSynZdHnykjxD4zHPOLHWI4/s1600/engage4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsUXcW1TSQGMQqIxQG4SgHKRRL4Ut9qKje9Rz3nV0nom6PgTsXgY6EvS33kebnvMQkxMths2nQyDhVBP0OZSPR_TiUXhOlShhYGN7mRqm-rfAfekkSCMXANxSynZdHnykjxD4zHPOLHWI4/s1600/engage4.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; mso-no-proof: yes;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I told myself early on in my grief
that I’m committed to feeling whatever it is that I’m feeling and riding it
out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t tell you how frustrating it
is to think I’m doing okay and then to be punched in the chest, barely able to
breathe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is indescribable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also decided that I’m going to celebrate,
commemorate, and whatever other –ate word you wanna throw in there during any
memorable time this first year without him…who knows how comfortable I'll feel to be able to freely do that in the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a guy
worthy of remembering and celebrating and was the best thing that ever happened to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although it’s tearing me apart, tonight I am
reminiscing and am so grateful for the night he asked me to be Mrs. Bradford
Higgins. :)</span></div>
brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-58310475259475454802015-01-19T19:49:00.000-06:002015-01-19T19:49:15.911-06:00So, I've started dating someone...<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEfv9ZvMo6Px7_9EMB9Hbu14VdfG6aFwnlEEV2tP-UfePz6QEsJc3edf7zsT27IH5H-6lrBBL9HA9dkRQs7qa_iC-Bgn6s0_emmpkLbXDdj70dfU1xOGZJRB13tO0-B0E0dN2a4v4UWqZ2/s1600/84.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEfv9ZvMo6Px7_9EMB9Hbu14VdfG6aFwnlEEV2tP-UfePz6QEsJc3edf7zsT27IH5H-6lrBBL9HA9dkRQs7qa_iC-Bgn6s0_emmpkLbXDdj70dfU1xOGZJRB13tO0-B0E0dN2a4v4UWqZ2/s1600/84.jpg" height="200" width="163" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i>Be strong and of good courage, do
not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes
with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i>Deuteronomy 31:6 </i></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Well guys…I’ve found something!
It kind of came out of nowhere and has honestly knocked the wind out of
me! I had some experience with it in high school and thought I understood
it then. It came in brief spurts in college, but it never really lasted.
Boy, was I surprised when I found it in my marriage!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Last week I shared an article on
Facebook which pretty well summed up many of the emotions I’ve felt as a widow.
You can find it <a href="http://www.opentohope.com/lonely-not-powerful-enough-word-to-describe-widowhood/" target="_blank">here</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A sweet
lady, who lost her husband 5 years ago, told me the only thing she would have
added to the list is not being someone’s #1<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="color: #cc0000;">Not being someone’s #1.</span> </i>If you’re a
widow trying to come to terms with your life, THAT kind of hits you square in
the face when you internalize it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When
she said it, that’s when it really sank in that what I was experiencing in a
way I haven’t yet is <span style="font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">loneliness
</span>that's lonelier than simply being lonely {say that 10 times fast}. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Last week was a pretty terrible one.
The kind where I didn’t really want to go anywhere, but I didn’t really
want to stay home either...where I wanted to be surrounded by people, but I
wanted to be left alone. The crazy thing is that I've actually been doing
really "well" lately! It is becoming all too clear that I am
nobody on Earth’s #1 {except for my sweet Ollie baby’s!}, nor do I have one.
I don’t say this to receive pity or to make anyone feel like they need to
do something for me…it’s just a sad reality that I'm working through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone who feels the void where Bradford
Higgins once stood has their own levels of grief to work through, none being
better or worse, just “different.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something
that has pained me time and time again is that no matter how much anyone who
misses him is hurting, they still have their #1s to hold them and help them
through and I don't. I've missed him for a million reasons, and his comfort is close
to the top of the list. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
In watching 2 of my best friends’
kids this week, I was reminded of something that we can learn from little
ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Self-soothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course Paxton and Millie would prefer to
be with their sweet Mommas rather than spend time alone, but they (at least
Pacman!) know that sometimes you’ve just gotta stick that thumb in your mouth
and self-soothe yourself to sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>YOU
are enough!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiThugyhsnp2FaNwF0OdQrozXYiU-Etu4mBbCkOLyBuqTBwrN_g9QYIFeY3GhF5NWbnsjBhTDamnJK-RTKuKxhewi5rdm6LmHZsK9Fl3R-lR1SlFs7ztsK7vaY_bLgYe35oosVzxfmvlCxP/s1600/82.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiThugyhsnp2FaNwF0OdQrozXYiU-Etu4mBbCkOLyBuqTBwrN_g9QYIFeY3GhF5NWbnsjBhTDamnJK-RTKuKxhewi5rdm6LmHZsK9Fl3R-lR1SlFs7ztsK7vaY_bLgYe35oosVzxfmvlCxP/s1600/82.jpg" height="400" width="268" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It’s interesting to me that I’ve
faced the fact that you can’t base your joy on your spouse, and I talked about
that months ago <a href="http://bhrunningtherace.blogspot.com/2014/08/how-do-i-live.html" target="_blank">here</a>, but it took me until THIS WEEK to realize that I can’t
base it on any other person either. I really thought I was letting God be
my “go to” and be the source of all that I need…I was slapped in the face with
the truth that I really haven’t been. If I base my joy on the state of
relationships I’m in with anybody but Him, I am going to be disappointed at
some time or another. People are busy, have their own #1s to look after,
and sometimes even let you down. It's human nature! The same can be said
when people love or count on me, and that’s becoming all too clear, as well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
There's no way I could face any of
the grief I’ve experienced if I </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
1) didn't count on God to help me </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
2) wasn't open to the lessons I
could learn, or </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
3) couldn't attempt to see the positive in
it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Why say any of this? I want
to remind the world {er, umm...the precious few who have made it this far! Ha!} that although earthly relationships can be WONDERFUL and a
TREMENDOUS BLESSING, it can be devastating to let your identity be wrapped up
in someone else’s. Love them. Respect them. Make memories. Dream of
new ones. KNOW THAT THEY CAN VANISH IN AN INSTANT! And if they do,
what will you do then?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Sometimes it is hard to say things
the way I mean them, and then to take it a step further, make sure they are
understood correctly. There's a lot going on in this brain and I don't always
choose the right words to let those thoughts out. I promise I haven't become a cynical
psycho! The important things in this life are becoming more and more clear to
me daily. It would seem as if I'm withdrawing and not putting a lot into my
relationships because I know they are temporary, lasting only until one of us
dies; it’s just the opposite. My aim is Heaven, and I plan to enjoy the time I
have with those I love until I get there.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
Many of my days are filled with
work, friends, and a whole lot of busy-ness, but there is a lot of time that I’m
by myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love being with people, but
I enjoy life with a healthy dose of alone time, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My problem with alone time this week has been
my attitude towards it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I've held on to
the promise of Deut. 31:6, but sometimes it's hard to know what that looks like
in MY life, right where I'm at in 2015. {My eyes are open, Jennifer!}<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
goal is to transform my times of
loneliness into meaningful times of solitude. I read this quote and
found it kind of empowering, totally changing my time alone this
weekend.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTqDb0sS0E5am5pSYWrU3Tvv_wweIo_grBctjk4qgdF9hZ0pSgyufNspWGoxJgHGfJ89WZP2Vs_wcvTd7YijRvXxDzNzNOTLUL503D4nbWuflrrV3AWXMqhz83Hk1y5c_WJqeOkqJPa0S9/s1600/81.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTqDb0sS0E5am5pSYWrU3Tvv_wweIo_grBctjk4qgdF9hZ0pSgyufNspWGoxJgHGfJ89WZP2Vs_wcvTd7YijRvXxDzNzNOTLUL503D4nbWuflrrV3AWXMqhz83Hk1y5c_WJqeOkqJPa0S9/s1600/81.jpg" height="640" width="472" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
So, just to be sure we're on the same page:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
1) Love the people in your life.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
2) Realize your time with them is brief and oh so temporary.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
3) Build your faith on God and know that He will be your constant.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
4) Even when you’re alone, you’re not alone.</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji6gsu50XRvSnjkV8LJ5TiKOLIejDXGliGf23qSJR-X1DdblSRyac1rIjWqeWc_-_94rBcJkyZWisBmrEaMvMKBU01Q9JBwK1eGEBzy8jDGEUHpE68VzFuDVxsWPQyuNcaDYEBoa8o6Tqt/s1600/85.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji6gsu50XRvSnjkV8LJ5TiKOLIejDXGliGf23qSJR-X1DdblSRyac1rIjWqeWc_-_94rBcJkyZWisBmrEaMvMKBU01Q9JBwK1eGEBzy8jDGEUHpE68VzFuDVxsWPQyuNcaDYEBoa8o6Tqt/s1600/85.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grandma Bailey is full of wise words
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
So who is this mysterious person I’m dating?!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
Myself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
and I LOVE her!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
I've gotten to know her
better than ever, and although she is flawed, she's a pretty cool
person to hang out with...alone or with a group of people.<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I came to another conclusion this week. I honestly don’t want to be
anyone’s #1…EVER AGAIN! I would actually kind of love to be someone’s #2 some day…</div>
brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-25773600078935330382015-01-05T17:38:00.000-06:002015-01-05T17:38:39.640-06:00H - E - Double Hockey Sticks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAdtuofVqW86oYiq9UeuxVPtbBBjFC1zIc6j9ehDZPa6FBcI-OzCXXvFmm6Oq0SdkyLG99snkyaQc_mrkaurssm0yQTCnq-sDokcAhrV11Lz3CZIn9RIbxPiOe_PK25LwbJScFBmFh9l2X/s1600/92.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAdtuofVqW86oYiq9UeuxVPtbBBjFC1zIc6j9ehDZPa6FBcI-OzCXXvFmm6Oq0SdkyLG99snkyaQc_mrkaurssm0yQTCnq-sDokcAhrV11Lz3CZIn9RIbxPiOe_PK25LwbJScFBmFh9l2X/s1600/92.jpg" height="320" width="232" /></a></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Writing
this blog has been one of the best, most therapeutic things I could have done
for myself in 2014. Through it I have forced myself to face many harsh realities and
received numerous unexpected blessings. I've been able to share "<a href="http://bhrunningtherace.blogspot.com/2014_06_01_archive.html" target="_blank">my story</a>" with the world and expose others to a slight glimpse of the agony
and pain associated with grief. In doing so, I not only learned about myself; I
learned a lot about people. <br />
<br />
I'm not the only one hurting.<br />
<br />
A lot of people have the desire to be validated and understood.<br />
<br />
Most people want to be there for those who are suffering but just don't know
how.<br />
<br />
Many people are suffering from things worse* than me.<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The
woman who is sitting bedside as she watches her father suffer from a brain
tumor. The infant whose mother is away in rehab. The 7 year old who just
celebrated her first <span class="object"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT71_com_zimbra_date"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT70_com_zimbra_date">Christmas</span></span></span> and
birthday without her daddy. The woman who fights for her marriage while her
husband continually neglects the vows he made to her. The little boy who only
knows his father through short visits in prison. The little boy who doesn't
even know who his father is. The mom who bailed her son out once again because
of his drug usage. The guy diagnosed with a mental illness and struggles to figure
out all that accompanies it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">The
list could go on and on. And on and on. These are just a few that have weighed
heavy on my heart recently. I've been grateful that I'm not May Boatwright from
<i>The Secret Life of Bees</i> because I'm afraid y'all might've found me in the river
under a heavy rock after stuffing hundreds of notes in the wishing wall long
ago. {Prayer does more than any of those silly notes would, anyways.} The
burdens of this world are seemingly impossible to bear at times. <br />
</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrf3OIQRStYHdJz0X4DNjL5uMLUaDyU1ZFp1Qi67W9mi4DLAMT3PY5wEoS3DJ6TKFJ3l9c4YqAwBkFX1I5aX4NYrnBbt0pgFgplPZooK9kOylHGmV15uWBZel4XwmQ3zD1jr2_gF1zSd2G/s1600/95.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrf3OIQRStYHdJz0X4DNjL5uMLUaDyU1ZFp1Qi67W9mi4DLAMT3PY5wEoS3DJ6TKFJ3l9c4YqAwBkFX1I5aX4NYrnBbt0pgFgplPZooK9kOylHGmV15uWBZel4XwmQ3zD1jr2_gF1zSd2G/s1600/95.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">But
you've gone through hell, Brittany.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">
Actually, no I haven't, but thanks for expressing empathy in the easiest, most straightforward way you
know how to verbalize your view of my pain. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">When
I went to bed on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/316892475167433/?ref=2&ref_dashboard_filter=past" target="_blank">Bow Tie <span class="object"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT73_com_zimbra_date"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT72_com_zimbra_date">Sunday</span></span></span></a>, I cried like
I hadn't cried in a while. I obviously miss my husband. I wished I could have
seen his face as he saw and heard each and every act and word of encouragement
that day. My heart ached wondering if he knew just how deeply loved he was by
so many.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Then
something weird happened. As I'm in the midst of the biggest pity party I'd had
in December the analogy of my life comparing to hell crossed my mind. Hell
isn't:<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>-Being lifted up in prayer by
those you love and even by those you don't know.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">-Warm
embraces and whispered <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I love yous</i>
and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I miss hims</i>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">-Hundreds
and hundreds of likes, posts, pictures, messages and texts. Times a million.<br />
-A community of people who have rallied around me to do whatever they could to
ease my burdens and pains.<br />
-Friends and family who have dropped what they were doing to listen to me as I
work through this, offered incredible words of wisdom, and displayed inhuman
amounts of patience with me.<br />
-Anything close to what I've found in being a part of the Lord's church; the
community of love, encouragement and Promise found within it have been
emphatically beneficial to my emotional and spiritual well-being.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">My
moment of overwhelming turmoil somehow shifted to an attitude of gratitude. My
heart ached for those who are pained with a grief that isn't being supported
the same way as mine. For those who are dealing with a pain that isn't public;
that can't be acknowledged, prayed for by others, or remotely understood or
even considered. There are countless people in our everyday lives who are
battling their own levels of depression, sadness, anger, or silent pain that
aren't receiving the help they so desperately need.<br />
<br />
Even THAT is not Hell.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">It's
hard to imagine a place that is more cruel than this world; a place that has a
sting worse than disease, addiction, betrayal, and even the loss of someone we
love. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><i style="color: red;">...and will cast them into the furnace of fire. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.</i><span style="color: red;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="color: red;">Matthew 13:42 </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">There have been times that I have literally cried out for Jesus to return
or for The Lord to take me on home because simply breathing was too painful. {I
never realized the true and INTENSE physical pain that accompanies grief until
this. It's unreal :( } Have I survived it? Only by the hair of my chinny chin
chin {SICK!} some days, but Hope has gotten me through.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Although
encouragement is so...well, encouraging, I don't write or speak things with a
positive twist to receive a pat on the back or any glory for it. Thanks be to
GOD for any amount of joy, peace, and understanding we can have in this crazy
world. It's amazing how God can take little**, ol' sinful me and allow me to
see even the smallest specks of beauty in this disastrous painting titled 2014.
If you don't see Him doing the same in your life, it's not because He doesn't
want to. Are you letting Him?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I've
never actually heard anybody say they wanted to go to hell, but have often
wondered if some really want to go to heaven. Want to know what I think the
scariest verses in the Bible are? <br />
<span style="color: red;">Matthew 7:21-23<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> “Not
everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but
he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day,
‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name,
and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never
knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’</i></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizerbnGfmfYww6m9yKCEiUpYFF1ucmj64wDuv7URdi-MV78Hd0j-IlAqw1UB7ndKMaYn2N-rUwRr2BWMig5w_zbD1OxUJSobKezrYUFLvxGyppZWWAHMyVvxkI8YdFOsaqquQk7zsS9pV3/s1600/96.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizerbnGfmfYww6m9yKCEiUpYFF1ucmj64wDuv7URdi-MV78Hd0j-IlAqw1UB7ndKMaYn2N-rUwRr2BWMig5w_zbD1OxUJSobKezrYUFLvxGyppZWWAHMyVvxkI8YdFOsaqquQk7zsS9pV3/s1600/96.jpg" height="216" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="color: red;"> </span></span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Who
is he talking about? People who proudly proclaim their disbelief in God? Murders?
Thieves? Liars? Nope. I can't imagine how ashamed people who are purposely
disobedient will feel on that day. These are God-loving people who believe they
are doing great things in the name of The Lord! How am I different from them?
Or am I?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I've
not been through hell, don't plan to take up residency there, and I don't want
you to, either. I LOVE studying this with people and plan to have a
group/individuals get together very soon to look at what the Bible has to say
about it. Please contact me if you're interested! :)<br />
<br />
*Worse is a very relative term. The perspective we CHOOSE plays a big part in
determining its meaning.<br />
<br />
**Compared to the Hulk I am little. Again, that perspective thing. ;)</span></div>
brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-12589881755951836742014-12-04T22:13:00.000-06:002014-12-04T22:13:21.240-06:00It is WHAT?!<br />
<br />
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I love crafting! Hobby Lobby
is my home away from home and my go-to place for all things creative. I
feel like such a nerd walking down the paper aisles imagining what a little
Cricut or Cuttlebug action could do to each sheet! Bradford knew my love
for Hobby Lobby, and he would often go on “Hob Lob jobs” with me. Umm…he
even made up a song to the tune of Shake That Laffy Taffy {“Shop at Hobby
Lobby…the Hobby Lobby…the Hobby Lobby…the Hobby Lobby…SHOOOOOPPP at the Hobby
Lobby…” complete with this little twist dance he did ;) } I would have
never really thought that Hob Lob would be a painful place for me to go, but
losing him made it that way for a while. Hearing the music would often
make me teary and most of the sweet little signs just sent me over the top.
I used to send him pics of ones that reminded me of him. Signs like
<i>You're my most favorite of all time in the history of ever</i> and<i> I love you to
the moon and back </i>were always endearing to me and obviously made me think of
him. I won’t forget the first time I went in after losing him and seeing
a sign that said:</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Most people probably know that precious hymn and the story
that’s behind it, but just in case you don't, here it is:<br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #cc0000; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Horatio
Spafford (1828-1888) was a wealthy Chicago lawyer with a thriving legal
practice, a beautiful home, a wife, four daughters and a son. He was also a
devout Christian and faithful student of the Scriptures. His circle of friends
included Dwight L. Moody, Ira Sankey and various other well-known Christians of
the day.<br />
<br />
At the very height of his financial and professional success, Horatio and his
wife Anna suffered the tragic loss of their young son. Shortly thereafter on
October 8, 1871, the Great Chicago Fire destroyed almost every real estate
investment that Spafford had.<br />
<br />
In 1873, Spafford scheduled a boat trip to Europe in order to give his wife and
daughters a much needed vacation and time to recover from the tragedy. He also
went to join Moody and Sankey on an evangelistic campaign in England. Spafford
sent his wife and daughters ahead of him while he remained in Chicago to take
care of some unexpected last minute business. Several days later he received
notice that his family's ship had encountered a collision. All four of his
daughters drowned; only his wife had survived.<br />
<br />
With a heavy heart, Spafford boarded a boat that would take him to his grieving
Anna in England. It was on this trip that he penned those now famous words, <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">When sorrow like sea billows roll; it is
well, it is well with my soul.</span>. <br />
<br />
Philip Bliss (1838-1876), composer of many songs including <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Hold the Fort, Let the Lower Lights be
Burning</span>, and <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Jesus Loves Even
Me</span>, was so impressed with Spafford's life and the words of his hymn that
he composed a beautiful piece of music to accompany the lyrics. The song was
published by Bliss and Sankey, in 1876.<br />
<br />
For more than a century, the tragic story of one man has given hope to
countless thousands who have lifted their voices to sing, <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">It Is Well With My Soul.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #cc0000; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: 7.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">http://www.sharefaith.com/guide/Christian-Music/hymns-the-songs-and-the-stories/it-is-well-with-my-soul-the-song-and-the-story.html</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br style="color: #cc0000;" />
<u style="color: #cc0000;">It is Well</u><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
When sorrows like sea billows roll;</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
It is well, it is well with my soul.</span><br />
<br style="color: #cc0000;" />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
It is well with my soul,</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
It is well, it is well with my soul.</span><br />
<br style="color: #cc0000;" />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
Let this blest assurance control,</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.</span><br />
<br style="color: #cc0000;" />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
My sin, not in part but the whole,</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!</span><br />
<br style="color: #cc0000;" />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
If Jordan above me shall roll,</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.</span><br />
<br style="color: #cc0000;" />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!</span><br />
<br style="color: #cc0000;" />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,</span><br />
<span style="color: #cc0000;">
Even so, it is well with my soul.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/FmUGekcTuLM?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">When I saw that sign, it took me back to sermons I’ve heard about it and
I couldn't help but wonder how in the world the writer could have honestly said those words.
It is WELL with my soul?! It wasn’t well with my heart or mind, let
alone my SOUL! Heaven knows I was back in that store again probably the next
week. I avoided the aisles with signs for fear of seeing ones that would
make me weepy…ESPECIALLY THAT ONE! After several more trips there and the
eventual meandering back over to those aisles I saw it again. I decided then
and there that one day I would be able to say that. It wasn’t going to be
for a long time, but I would. When I could stomach it, I would purchase
that sign.<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It’s sometimes hard to put
into words what I’m thinking and feeling. There is a lot of fear in
honesty, and honestly, people can’t always handle the truth. It is easy
to hide from it, or in many cases, run from it. Luckily I have a few
close sounding boards to share my most blunt and honest thoughts with, and they
have helped me recognize so many things. Most recently I realized that
verbalizing things makes them a lot more real than just thinking them, whether
I’m writing them, discussing them, or praying them. It can be quite
terrifying.<br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It has been so easy to be
engulfed in my own grief for the past 8 months; in fact, it has been difficult
to be anything less than trapped by it in many ways. It’s scary to
realize over time that I’m less than overcome by it and that I am finding
happiness in many of life’s little blessings. That I am open to the
continued life that the Lord has given me and the opportunities He has given me
through it. I’m blessed in a million ways and I have often felt so
selfish when I realized I may have diminished any of those for a second.
Although I haven’t had a really happy week, I haven’t had a very sad one
either. I can honestly say I have a new sense of peace…I've said time and
time again I fear judgement or criticism from others about what I do or
don't do, say or don't say, feel, express, etc. Grief has been multifaceted for
me and oftentimes hard to have others understand. I worry about what others who
are grieving the loss of him {or even a different loss} think when I boldly say
I have peace and joy. Am I seen as one who "got over it too quickly?"
Or maybe I "didn't love him enough?!" Neither of those are true
because I'll never be "over it" and I will always love him {don't
pretend you didn't just hear Whitney's voice with that allusion :) } I wish
life could have been different with him. Somehow the back and forth through the
whole "bargaining" phase was pretty short-lived and the things I
learned through it were so meaningful and empowering. <br />
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>If you are struggling with
loss, what is your goal? Do you have one? Are you stuck thinking about things
of this world, things that are temporary? My prayer is that you can take baby
steps toward your goal, if only to slide back tomorrow to dust yourself off and try
again. I pray that you will have peace. I pray that the peace I have <span class="object"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT57_com_zimbra_date"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT56_com_zimbra_date">today</span></span></span> will last a
very, very long time and will help me to reach my Ultimate Goal.<br />
<br />
How do you like my new decor? :)</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ9A4egNALsCThYslZLpcvOEqAuA0aiz4W43AZCB-LqG_frnK73I3O6jcnN8A9WZkoeBnTAKHLOM5l0fn-twV_kc8VqiwuBT8J1uL6e7SPVPyH9nVX4FfiRZWTh_UdgdkxjW9HaIKQ15gc/s1600/soul.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ9A4egNALsCThYslZLpcvOEqAuA0aiz4W43AZCB-LqG_frnK73I3O6jcnN8A9WZkoeBnTAKHLOM5l0fn-twV_kc8VqiwuBT8J1uL6e7SPVPyH9nVX4FfiRZWTh_UdgdkxjW9HaIKQ15gc/s1600/soul.jpg" height="348" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-91688324816570676452014-12-01T18:51:00.000-06:002014-12-01T18:53:30.347-06:00Thankful for {black} Friday and Other Things...<!--[if !mso]>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQwbqP7Qn_M6TUdJG7FBJFEnpKAyHjZyRQWKbpmRTRe36NB_zXoDGEygfv9WGLBmPCeblaUmymBMgmQSSIY3laorodKT-evPBrFq2bIyd-jKMyDgwDJOYV4E9Bf-aEPHwVXafrQTfJi3qD/s1600/thankful.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQwbqP7Qn_M6TUdJG7FBJFEnpKAyHjZyRQWKbpmRTRe36NB_zXoDGEygfv9WGLBmPCeblaUmymBMgmQSSIY3laorodKT-evPBrFq2bIyd-jKMyDgwDJOYV4E9Bf-aEPHwVXafrQTfJi3qD/s1600/thankful.jpg" height="198" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. </i>1 Cor. 15:57</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span><br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Every
year Bradford and I alternated whose family we would visit for Thanksgiving and
Christmas. The first year we were married we went to the Anderson's for Turkey
Day and the Higgins' for Christmas. For years and years my mom and I have gone
Black Friday shopping with some dear friends of ours, the Ford and Upchurch
girls. Missing Christmas Day with my family wasn't too heartbreaking that first
year because I kind of decided that Christmas is whenever you make it. {This
partially stems from Santa coming to visit us the night before we would leave
to travel to MS from TX when I was a kid.} Thanksgiving was the same in that
respect. Spending time with family is always special, and this was typically a
time we got to share with more family. YAY! What's the thing you can't
celebrate just any ol' time? Black Friday! </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgliPouwJ_EEctgs0kNCdVghS7fDsT2kEkDtL_X5nAko80ZgWUrf4S4MaR98jhw1Q81wAh5iHjtm_93_0sQF_GITzGlIRddM2FYlPF22Q6XieYGkzjzY5OapHhnIN7TYRmk00J02NR9Mc-K/s1600/blog2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgliPouwJ_EEctgs0kNCdVghS7fDsT2kEkDtL_X5nAko80ZgWUrf4S4MaR98jhw1Q81wAh5iHjtm_93_0sQF_GITzGlIRddM2FYlPF22Q6XieYGkzjzY5OapHhnIN7TYRmk00J02NR9Mc-K/s1600/blog2.jpg" height="320" width="223" /></a></div>
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</div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
Now, before the haters start reeling about the ridiculous, materialistic nature
of this yearly ritual, let me tell you a little about what it means to me. It
is a time I get to spend with some gals that are like family to me. We usually
drive down to Foley, AL and get all the retail goodness we can stand. I love
the lighthearted night/day full of laughter, inside jokes, and countless
memories. We shop 'til we drop, laugh 'til we cry, get a little delirious, and
have a blast at it! If there's one thing I've learned in recent months it is
that material things really don't matter...it is spending time with those you
love. This is evidenced by the amount of money I've ever had to bring on the
trip and the amount of loot I actually walked away with. On Black Friday
I spend a lot of GREAT time with people I TRULY love! </span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">*****</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
The 2nd holiday season we were married it was his family's turn for
Thanksgiving. Now let me make something clear--I LOVE my in-laws! I lucked out
by not only snagging the most fantastic fella but by gaining them, as well.
They are so precious, funny, entertaining, and loving. I've always enjoyed
spending time with them. Something that is always at the top if the list of
things we do together is laugh. Whether it's about something crazy Bradford
did, something Carolyn made up, a patient Melissa saw, or an old story about
Dennis, we love laughing. Even if we had met under other circumstances, I
believe we would have grown to be close friends :) I'm not sure if they knew it
at the time or not, but I was a little sad that year. I can remember walking
through Hyvee with Bradford to get some last minute food items and
ducking down an aisle to go find something because the tears just started
coming! #pullyourselftogetherbritt I didn't want them to know I was sad because
I REALLY enjoyed being around them, but the truth was that I missed my family.
I missed Black Friday. My mom turned 50 that year and the whole crew had shirts
made and planned to have a party in the parking lot waiting for whatever store
to open. After dinner with the Higgins crew I checked my phone and found this:</span></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsT5GYPtDuci291zYet3sXLiXJxi7YTm2zP7BjYfH4pEXDDuWDi4LiJ6cliKPdohzyN0FtdaS5EjMDJsswpbg9DPl1V_MCEOjy4HLpHIKfyBnM2UM3BFqJc_eXG6T0s7HFoARHYWbqpJGs/s1600/blog4.jpg"><span style="color: blue; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="mso-ignore: vglayout;"></span></span></a><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqOyLDmSvcDyG4Azru2zxui0VJSQRruqeLH2YvSgp5WsfJsglX9pCPUsAPaNeaTCrCuT6K8JFVW_XDRWSUKnKtoTBYFtsRJA04yehgfy3nuct5462Dw1ZAgpHSij7k2PdL3IRhUIBEwS9o/s1600/blog4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqOyLDmSvcDyG4Azru2zxui0VJSQRruqeLH2YvSgp5WsfJsglX9pCPUsAPaNeaTCrCuT6K8JFVW_XDRWSUKnKtoTBYFtsRJA04yehgfy3nuct5462Dw1ZAgpHSij7k2PdL3IRhUIBEwS9o/s1600/blog4.jpg" height="320" width="312" /></a></div>
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They had several pictures of me on
sticks to make it appear that I was with them, although I was hundreds of miles
away. It was HILARIOUS! I laughed so hard at them and felt so special to still
be included in this adventure.<br />
I say all of that to say
that I wasn't too anxious about Thanksgiving without Bradford this year. Do I
miss him with every fiber of my being? Do I wish he was here with me? Is it
strange to travel without him? Yes, yes, and YES! Although Thanksgiving is such
a special time to spend with family, that part of it is a little short-lived.
Bradford and I always parted ways on Thanksgiving afternoon; I left to shop, he
left to hunt with my dad and brothers for the next couple of days. I was used
to not spending a ton of time with him during this holiday when we visited my
folks. <br />
The trip this year was
pretty fantastic! My sister-in-law {official in March!}, Lauren, was able to
join us for the first time. We had a lot of laughs, starting with missing an
exit because, ahem, the driver tried scaring us when we took a picture {DECK
the halls!}. </div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja0uNUDEuQmObSKDf3QAvDorEKnVA6VjAFlh6UoxwYGBLZxPO9ur_OOAdxYLPHgP2061cqmLoCftwEwnrUU_h5FLrGuDwXaCfW4-MSmOrjo77kaO0JBd6tHdd7yLbzr4xeUKBk2UFXVy6r/s1600/blog5.jpg"><span style="color: blue; mso-no-proof: yes; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="mso-ignore: vglayout;"></span></span><span style="color: blue;"> </span></a></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
I was not prepared for how I would actually feel on the darkest of {Black}
Fridays. As the night went on I realized that I didn't have him to text or call
to tell the great deals I'd found. It didn't matter how hot he'd look in the
guys clothes, he wasn't here to receive them. I can't shop for him anymore. I
can't buy him happys or gifts and can't make him say <i>oooOOOooo</i> and bite
his knuckle if I get a new, cute outfit. It is painfully clear that I don't
have him anymore. There are reminders of him everywhere. At the mention of the
Macy's Parade I had a flashback to watching it with him last year in his
parents basement; I was running on the treadmill and he and his dad were riding
on the trainers. I've heard songs that only play this time of year, songs that
he changed the lyrics to and made so funny. Simple memories that mean nothing
to anybody else but are so significant to me. I am living without him. Some
days are harder than others, but I'm facing the painful reality that he's not
with me anymore.<br />
Although I obviously had
some tearful moments, I had a new appreciation for the time I had to spend with
everyone this year. I tried to be more present in every conversation, whether
it was with my great uncle explaining why they couldn't put a metal OR plastic
plate on his skull or making animal noises in the dark with my cousins to play
with the kids down the road. We really have to cherish every moment. Tragedy
can strike ANY family at ANY time. None of us are immune to it. </span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">
I'm grateful for so many lessons I have learned and will continue to learn
through my sweet Bradford's life and death. I'm especially grateful for God's
caring hand and His promises. He IS taking care of me and will continue to do
so.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now, if I can make it
just 'til St. Patrick's Day...</span></div>
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brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-21637272702051674012014-11-24T20:02:00.001-06:002014-11-25T13:28:39.206-06:00The DOs and DO NOTs<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>In my own grief
journeys and in the lives of the mourners I have been privileged to
counsel, I have discovered that in general, you can take all the people
in your life and divide them into thirds when it comes to grief
support. One-third of the people in your life will turn out to be truly
empathetic helpers. They will have a desire to understand you and your
unique thoughts and feelings about your loss. They will demonstrate a
willingness to be taught by you and a recognition that you are the
expert of your experience, not them. They will be willing to be
involved in your pain and suffering without feeling the need to take it
away from you. Another third of people in your life will turn out to be
neutral in response to your grief. They will neither help nor hinder
you in your journey. And the final third of people in your life
will turn out to be harmful to you in your efforts to mourn. While they
are usually not setting out intentionally to harm you, they will judge
you and they will try to take your grief away from you. Seek out your
friends and family members who fall into the first group. They will be
your confidants and momentum-givers on your journey. When you are
actively mourning, try to avoid the last group, for they will trip you
up and cause you to fall.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i> </i>-Dr. Alan Wolfelt</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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When I think back to the first
moments, days, and weeks following my husband’s death, I am amazed by the
bravery and courage people had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll be
honest…I’ve never really been good at handling death, and I really haven’t had
a lot of experience with it, not with anyone REALLY close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember the last funeral Bradford
and I attended together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I got up to
offer condolences all that came out of my mouth was, “Uhh…” and I think
whispered <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sorry</i> and gave a hug. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I freaked out in moments like those.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I answered calls
from people I hadn’t heard from in YEARS I can remember thinking how brave they were to pick
up the phone and call to express their sympathy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was overwhelmed with kind words and
precious, prayerful thoughts, some I can’t remember and some I’ll never forget.
</div>
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If you’ve followed my story you
know about the words my Daddy told me in my first conversation with him on my
way home from the hospital that night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He said <i style="color: #cc0000;"> </i></div>
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<i style="color: #cc0000;">There are a lot of people who are going to say a lot
of things to you in the days to come. They mean well, but some of these
things are going to be hurtful. You need to know and remember they
don't mean to hurt you. It is coming from a good place; they just don't
know what to say.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </div>
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It is unbelievable how helpful that advice
has been to me, even still.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I recently had
a pretty tough night and told him that people don’t mean to be hurtful, but
sometimes they just are, and it’s getting to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kind of want to scream at some folks!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His words were:</div>
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<i style="color: #cc0000;">Jesus
overturned tables and drove folks out of the temple with a whip that He made
for that purpose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He did it without
sinning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You may need to scream at
times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe you could share with them
that they’re being insensitive and help them see from your perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most people haven’t matured to know how to
handle a young widow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s not a lot
of them around and there’s not a lot of training for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></div>
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This post is one that I’ve started
to write many times, but I just couldn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m an over-analyzer and I didn’t want people to do things because I “told
them to.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember one time
Bradford and I having a conversation about doing romantic things for one
another and he asked me what he could do that would be romantic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted HIM to determine what that was
because I would think that he was doing whatever it was just because I told him
to, not because it was something that he truly wanted to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know if that makes any sense to
anyone else, but it made total sense to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>{And don’t worry, my flare-ups of immaturity have become ABUNDANTLY
CLEAR to me in the past year!}<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On <span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT56_com_zimbra_date">April
9</span>, my sweet college friend Kimberly Rowe Washer wrote a post about what to do
and not to do for a young widow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can
read it <a href="http://kimberlywasher.blogspot.com/2014/04/a-young-widow.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was so touching that
she would take the time to gather information that would be helpful for not
only herself but for others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re wise
beyond your years, Kimbo!</div>
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Now that I’m in a place where there
aren’t quite as many sorrowful looks or awkward conversations I want to share
with you some things that have been helpful and hurtful for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t write these things as an expert on
grief, but I’m using my own experience to hopefully shed some light on the
subject and maybe help someone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone
grieves differently, but I think most of these things are true for a lot of young
widows.</div>
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<b>DOs:</b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span>Listen</span>-</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We need listening ears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We need
for you to hear out our thoughts, concerns, and memories. Sometimes we just need you
to hear our silence.<b style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></div>
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<b style="color: #660000;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span>Encourage us to do things with you</b>- We may not
always be up for it, but it's nice to be included as a normal person.
If we don't want to go, please ask again. And again and again! Don't worry about us feeling like the 3rd or 5th wheel; let us deal with that.<b style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></div>
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<b style="color: #660000;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span>Pray for us, don’t just tell us you are</b>-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People did a lot of kind things for me, but nothing
struck me quite like a conversation I had with someone I just met while in
Kansas for Bradford’s memorial celebration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This sweet lady, who I later found out had her own set of hardships she
dealt with earlier in the year, wanted me to know that she had prayed for me
every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t a flippant <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Oh, I’m praying for you</i>, but she
expressed it with an unexplainable concern and love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She then asked me <i style="color: #cc0000;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>What can I
specifically pray for you?</u></b></i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Whoa!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This woman was truly
bringing my burdens before the Lord, cared for me, and had faith that He can
help me with my specific needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was
a moment that will affect the rest of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I want to be more intentional in my prayers for others and seek their
needs.<b><span style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: #660000;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span>Allow us to feel whatever we fee</span></b>l- Some days are
going to be blah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let us indulge in the
blah-ness of it and don’t feel like you need to encourage us every time we are
sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes we just need to wallow in
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some days are going to be
happy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chances are, the first few
moments we have that are happy are going to be filled with guilt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let us be happy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Join us!</span><b style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></div>
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<b style="color: #660000;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span>Do what you can to help us feel taken care
of</b>-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our spouses did so many things to
take care of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After we lose
them, we
are in such a state of shock, physically and emotionally exhausted, and
probably can't think of much more than whether or not we are breathing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>{Barely that, at times} Help us with what you can at work, in our homes,
or with food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To say my Haywood Elementary
family was good to me is the understatement of the year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t really
know what my kids did for those few weeks, but I was assured time and time
again that I didn’t need to worry about them because they were taken care
of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My colleagues and administrators saw
to it and were able to convince me not to spend a second trying to come up with
any lessons or activities for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I didn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t imagine what I would have done
without them. </div>
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I’ll be honest; our yard was
mowed more in the first 2 weeks without him than it was in the entire previous
summer!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was overwhelmed with food and
paper products.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although I really could
not eat anything, it was good to know that everyone visiting me was taken care
of. Love is expressed in a million ways, but there's something special about a "doer."<b style="color: #660000;"> </b></div>
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<b style="color: #660000;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span>Tell us stories about the person we los</b><b>t</b>-
Whether they are heart-warming or funny we love to know that our spouse is
remembered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have enjoyed hearing
things about Bradford that I never knew before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One person sent me a hilarious message about the first time he met
Bradford.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This guy was walking across campus
and Bradford stopped him and put his hands around this guy’s neck. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Bradford said he was sorry, but he needed to know how
big his neck was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This guy wanted a
necklace like Bradford’s, someone mentioned it Bradford, and he saw that it was done!<b style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></div>
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<b style="color: #660000;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span>Remind us of their quirks or funny sayings</b>-
Okay, so maybe the rest of the world didn’t have a guy as funny as I did, but
this is helpful for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our families are
the most helpful at this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love
getting texts from my brothers telling me they just ordered a Badga {Baja} Blast
or just rk jumped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes me smile when
his sisters or dad respond to a text with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Groovy
</i>or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I know that’s right</i>. My friend Sara has been the best at sending me random memories of him/us. I love smiling and laughing at the silly things he did. #freehugs<b style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></div>
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<b style="color: #660000;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span>Know how special it is anytime you do something
to honor them</b>-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I almost don’t even want
to mention any specifics because there really have been innumerable things
done to honor my sweet Bradford.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Money
has been given to different funds, Bibles have been purchased in his memory,
and a lot of money has been donated to his scholarship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am in the 15<sup>th</sup> Review Club and they
SO graciously donated money to his scholarship and displayed his pictures at
our race. Every little thing means the WORLD to me!<b style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;">
<b style="color: #660000;">9.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span>Validate our feelings and actions</b>- I’ve asked if
I’m crazy more than a million times in the past 7 ½ months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes we need to be reminded that it’s
okay to feel whatever it is that we’re feeling, whether it is sadness, anger, fear,
whatever!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That has become one of the most
valuable aspects of my closest friendships and a major part of why I have enjoyed
counseling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remind us that we are
NORMAL!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst">
I can honestly say that because of
my talk with Daddy that I was really able to keep from getting angry with some of the
stupid things people said or did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please
know that if YOU did any of these things, we’re good!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we’re not, I might have let you know ;)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not writing these to call anyone out or make anyone feel badly,
but to offer these as advice for future encounters you have with someone who is
grieving.</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="color: #660000;">
<b><u>DO NOT:</u><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;">
<b style="color: #660000;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span>Do not tell us you know how we feel</b>- Many people
say this without realizing what they’re doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While most people have experienced loss of some sort, no one is US and
experiencing OUR LOSS.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It may be okay to
say that although you can’t imagine our loss, you can relate in a small
way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are probably not up for offering
YOU sympathy, especially in the first weeks.<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><b style="color: #660000;"> </b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;">
<b style="color: #660000;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></b><b style="color: #660000;">Do not ask us <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How
are you?</i> {Especially if you’re going to follow it up with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">JUST alright?!</i>}</b>- This one is actually
kind of tricky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is such a common
phrase in the U.S. and acceptable to say this without even meaning to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most people don’t really want to get into a
long conversation about how we are, however, there is a time and place for this
one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I’ve just needed someone
to take me by the arm and ask how I’m doing, knowing that they sincerely want
to know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes we don’t want to
talk, and we may just not want to talk to YOU.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s okay!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t force us or feel
slighted.<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><b style="color: #660000;"> </b></span></span></div>
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<b style="color: #660000;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></b><b style="color: #660000;">Do not push what you think will work for us</b>-
This is a really hard one, especially for people who have experience with
grief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a really hard one for me
personally, because I know what has been helpful for me, yet I can’t force it on
anyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all heal in our own ways
in our own time.<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><b><span style="color: #660000;"> </span></b></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #660000;">4.</span><span style="color: #660000; font: 7pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></b><b><span style="color: #660000;">Do not neglect to bring them up for fear of
upsetting us</span></b>-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The truth is that we are
ALREADY THINKING ABOUT THEM and we could NOT BE ANY MORE UPSET THAN WE ALREADY
ARE!<b style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;">
<b style="color: #660000;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span>Do not make us feel guilty or judged</b>- This is
another tough one, although I haven’t felt much of this from anyone but
myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have heard stories about
others who have experienced this and just hope to not face much of this in the
future.<b style="color: #660000;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"> </span></span></b></div>
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<b style="color: #660000;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span>Do not say you’ll find <i>another one</i></b>- Even worse,
don’t say <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You’ll find another one JUST
LIKE HIM!</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a true story! It
happened the weekend after I buried my husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I honestly do not even remember who said it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember exactly where I was and where
we were standing, but I cannot remember who said it to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are so many things wrong with that
statement, but none that need expounding.
#rememberwhatdaddysaid #rememberwhatdaddysaid #peopleDOsaystupidthings<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><b style="color: #660000;"> </b></span></span></div>
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<b style="color: #660000;">7.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></b><b style="color: #660000;">Do not give us a timeline</b>-<span style="color: #660000;"><span style="color: black;">It has been helpful to hear about typical timelines in the grief/healing process from professionals and other widows/widowers. Without them even realizing it, some people have really hurt me by talking about the actions of others who have lost their spouses in relation to a timeline. You don't know unless you've walked a mile in these shoes; even then, our blisters would be different...</span></span></div>
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<b style="color: #660000;">8.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span>Last but not least, do NOT tell us that our
spouse wouldn’t want us to remain celibate the rest of our lives</b>-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>#especiallyifyourea100yearoldman Does this really
even have to be listed?!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.25in;">
Grief is such a complicated thing
and most people just don’t know how to handle it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was one and will probably STILL say dumb
things to people in the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you
are someone who is dealing with a loss, please remember that most people really
would not say anything to intentionally hurt you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forgive them. I think it is vital to shift your thinking to the positive things people have said and done and not to get too caught up in the bad stuff. The writer of Philipians was really onto something when he said <i>Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble,
whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are
lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and
if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.</i>
(Philippians 4:8)</div>
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I will close with a pretty powerful realization I made back in May and posted about:</div>
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<span class="hascaption"><i><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;">I've read Isaiah 53 hundreds
of times over the past several years. I read through it before taking the
Lord's Supper each week, yet this morning I read it in a way I never have
before. Our Savior was TRULY acquainted with grief...a kind of grief I can only
imagine. I had my dad read those verses and with tears in his eyes he told me
that He understands. I told Daddy that this shows me just how much I don't
understand. What amazing love...</span></i></span></div>
</div>
</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"></span></span></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="fbPhotosPhotoCaption" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="fbPhotoSnowliftCaption" tabindex="0"><span class="hasCaption"><span style="font-size: small;">We can try to help people understand our grief and help us through it, but nobody can do that like Jesus can. </span></span></span></span></div>
brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-23205158007920337052014-11-19T21:38:00.001-06:002014-11-19T22:12:18.503-06:00grow<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjokpN_wh6oIT78Z9hT0yzNpQoEJR2i5Y7D05Z8XxFr8jUJrQfSI0C8KHZGE4sFDGhpBeXdwR52xIvvL4Jkfs2C6dV_Ll8U4NMSLwutsgnu54G3q3tn0TVmxS4JgG9LeaWiaieeGQtt5iyv/s1600/.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjokpN_wh6oIT78Z9hT0yzNpQoEJR2i5Y7D05Z8XxFr8jUJrQfSI0C8KHZGE4sFDGhpBeXdwR52xIvvL4Jkfs2C6dV_Ll8U4NMSLwutsgnu54G3q3tn0TVmxS4JgG9LeaWiaieeGQtt5iyv/s1600/.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
These past couple of weeks have honestly been the best I've had since
the spring. {apart from a wonderful girls' trip with my sweet Momma!}.
Mentally, I've been in a place I wouldn't have expected to be for quite
some time. I don't know how to really explain it other than I've somehow
crossed over from KNOWING God is going to take care of me to actually
BELIEVING it and beginning to feel a type of healing that only He can
provide. <br />
<br />
I was at the hospital <span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT70_com_zimbra_date"><span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT71_com_zimbra_date">last Wednesday</span></span> when one of my sweetest and truest friends in the entire world gave birth to her sweet baby girl. Taylor Maurer is a MOMMY!!!<br />
<br />
It's
obvious that this child is going to grow up to be a comedian, or at the
very least, the class clown. Maybe she'll just be that quiet girl with
the ever-so-clever, dry remarks. :) I hope she's just like her momma in a
thousand ways. I hope that she creates a life full of laughter; one
that is able to shrug a lot of negativity off to the side and find a way
to enjoy life's simplest moments. I hope she finds people to have deep
meaningful conversations with while walking around dark parking lots,
takes road trips while belting Celine, and has friends that are close
enough to be totally cool with greeting them with her leg wrapped around
them. If Millie is anything like her mom, she will be honest,
considerate, confident, and able to admit when she is wrong. She will
compliment and build others up and have impeccable taste in fashion and
home decor. <br />
<br />
I want you to know something, Millie. Life is
wonderful! It really is! You are going to continue experiencing the love
that one can only know in a Christian home. Not all kids are as lucky
as you. You're going to have a lot of fun times with your family. Enjoy
every second! They've prayed so many prayers for you and your safe
arrival. They are going to do their best to raise you the way God
intends for them to. {You'll only do what they let you get away with,
right Tay?!} ;)<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, there are some heartbreaking
aspects of this life. You will experience hurt, pain, betrayal, and if
you live long enough, loss. My prayer is that you will begin building
your faith from a very early age and have confidence that The Lord is
with you every step of the way.<br />
<br />
Ahh, the circle of life. I
would've never imagined that Bradford would never lay eyes on the little
peanut I so excitedly told him about. The one I learned about while
mindlessly shopping in TJ Maxx, suddenly bursting into tears and holding
my blonde babe of a pal! Although I am still experiencing some pretty
painful moments, I am thankful for the way in which I can see God
answering prayers. I'm thankful for the insight I've gained and the
ability I've received in being able to better understand the big
picture. Don't misunderstand...acceptance does not = easy days from here
on out. It doesn't mean I'm okay with it or prefer it, either. I'm
attempting to do what I have my students echo daily: "Try your best to
be your best." My best may look different <span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT72_com_zimbra_date"><span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT73_com_zimbra_date">tomorrow</span></span> or next month, but know that it's my best effort.<br />
<br />
So Millie, my wish to you is that each and every day you will try your best to be your best! :) Aunt Britt loves you SO much!<br />
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brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-15408261949181208462014-11-09T15:57:00.000-06:002014-11-09T15:57:17.693-06:00The "W" Word<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury,
and He saw also a certain poor widow putting in two mites. So He said,
“Truly I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all; for
all these out of their abundance have put in offerings for God, but she
out of her poverty put in all the livelihood that she had.”</i> Luke
21:1-4</div>
<br />
What do you think of when you hear the word
widow? As a kid I can remember envisioning an old decrepit woman putting
a penny in a jar based on this passage mixed with the present day money
jars used to collect coins for the local children's home. My view of
widows MAY have grown to include wrinkled up grannies in nursing homes
since then. :P Never in a lifetime did I picture or dare to imagine that I
would become a widow at age 28. IF that kind of thing happened to
people, it was always others. I envisioned the ideal ending our lives in "The Notebook" style, holding hands in bed, leaving this world
together.<br />
I came to a pretty profound conclusion several weeks
ago. It doesn't matter how long I wear these rings, I'm not married. The only person I'm
fooling is myself (and crazy folks who ask my friends if I'm remarried. Seriously?!). Bradford will always be the husband of Brittany
Higgins, but I'm no longer his wife. <i><b>I really am a widow</b>.</i> I dove head
first in a tail spin when I realized this. It's a harsh reality and so
unfair that I don't have him anymore. I look at pictures all the time
and think, "Wow. I can't believe this really was my life and that he was MINE!" Sometimes I wonder if I
really was just fortunate to live a real life fairy tale for just a
small moment in time. (That's not to say our entire relationship was a
fairy tale, because we certainly faced our hardships.)<br />
This past
week I began GriefShare to help me as I continue on through this journey. A lady on the DVD talked about how she woke up one morning full
of joy despite her loss. I thought about these past 7 months and
remembered many, many terribly painful ways I woke up and faced the day,
and I remembered other days where I wasn't exactly clicking my heels in
the air, but I had some semblance of happiness. I had never awoken in a
way like she explained. <br />
<span id="goog_1083276725"></span><span id="goog_1083276726"></span><br />
<b><i style="color: red;"></i></b><br />
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<br />
<br />
I've read this verse countless
times. I can recall sobbing and asking God when is morning ever going to
get here? This whole life being but a vapor thing?? When is it going to be
over so I can be with You?!<br />
Then <span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT54_com_zimbra_date"><span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT58_com_zimbra_date">today</span></span> happened. I woke up with a renewed hope <span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT55_com_zimbra_date"><span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT59_com_zimbra_date">this morning</span></span>.
It has honestly been easy for me to see and count my blessings throughout these
past several months and I've sincerely not tried to take them for
granted. I heard a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUWz3G_F-qQ" target="_blank">song</a> on my way to church <span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT56_com_zimbra_date"><span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT60_com_zimbra_date">this morning</span></span>.
It is one in which I can remember coming completely unglued while listening to
it last fall and imagining how life WOULD get better for my sweet friend
IN TIME. It is one I can also remember hearing in recent months and pulling over to sob,
thinking about my own life and how THIS is not what I planned or wanted.
I heard something new in it <span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT57_com_zimbra_date"><span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT61_com_zimbra_date">today</span></span>.
"Every day's a gift that l've been given. Every breath feels like a
second chance." Although I've found myself drowning in a sea of
depression, I've held on to the truth that I know God <b>will </b>take care of
me, whether it is now, years from now, or in the life that's to come.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b> <span style="color: red;">Although
I am the definition of a widow, I am not going to be defined by it</span></b></span><span style="color: red;">.</span> I
don't want this title to be a crutch or an excuse. I am going to take this gift of life that I have, honor my past, and
continue dedicating my future to Him. <br />
I may wake up feeling differently tomorrow, but I am just trying to take life from moment to moment, and today, my moments are filled with clarity and what feels kind of like joy. :)brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-26680517148939510342014-10-09T22:44:00.000-05:002014-10-09T22:50:13.649-05:00He Knows<br />
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<br />
So I’ll be the first to admit it, this is a little bit
weird.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe morbid is the word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like to think of it as interesting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being in a small town where everybody knows
everybody else, you see each other at a lot of events, a few of those being held
at Lea & Simmons, a local funeral home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve been there to offer condolences to family members of those I went
to church with, spent time with family and friends during such a tragic time as we prepared to lay my
sweet Bradford to rest, and most recently to meet with my sisters in Alpha Delta
Kappa for our meeting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My bunco group has
even met there for our monthly games!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When someone rolls a big bunco, you get to wear something special,
whether it be Mardi Gras beads, a feathery hat, a sombrero, or, you guessed it,
embalming garb!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to admit I was a
LITTLE freaked out the first time we played there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last November we played there again, only that
time it wasn’t as freaky for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few
of us even chose to represent by wearing Lea & Simmons t-shirts Jeanna gave us!<o:p></o:p></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz9zIajjSVCzBLBGr87ReIaA2yYtjGvhV2Jls5FwwsGdM2eVgFHdF38Jv45hrudbz0usvafVWepF-66KE8Y5oW7dT6AgVGXEe5qFtns_CwaHwNJ4J1SMgTV6RBUKNxvwvagdtcCpHA8SZk/s1600/2013-11-08+16.58.34.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz9zIajjSVCzBLBGr87ReIaA2yYtjGvhV2Jls5FwwsGdM2eVgFHdF38Jv45hrudbz0usvafVWepF-66KE8Y5oW7dT6AgVGXEe5qFtns_CwaHwNJ4J1SMgTV6RBUKNxvwvagdtcCpHA8SZk/s1600/2013-11-08+16.58.34.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I can remember wearing that shirt the last weekend my mother in law came to visit us in March and her pointing out how strange it was that I not only HAD a funeral home shirt, but that I was WEARING it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
This was the last bunco before I was to run the St. Jude Marathon last December. I joked with the girls several times about how they would be seeing me back there in a month because there was no way I was going to survive the race. It was especially validated in my mind once I went to the restroom, only to find that MARATHON was the brand of paper towels used there! I just knew I was a goner!<br />
Natalie and I were WAY too interested in the whole process
of everything that happens behind the scenes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After most everyone left, we were given a personal tour of the
property.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not going to go into a lot
of detail about what all we looked at and talked about during those hours after
bunco, but trust me when I say it was thorough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There obviously weren’t any “customers” back there, but we were given
the run down on how things happen in the embalming room and even shown a few
tricks of the trade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know…it’s so
weird!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As strange as it seems to even be
saying this, it was really interesting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We were told about the differences in services and what is available.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did you know you could have your pet cremated
there?!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> #yallbetterhopeOllielivesforever </span>Natalie and I determined we
could work for them as dancers {choreographers, if you will ;)} if releasing
doves just wasn’t cutting it for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p><br />
After a couple of pretty intense hours of drilling Mrs. Lea
about the ins and outs of the business, we were able to get into the hearse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again, just weird.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was glad to know one of my bestest EVER gal
pals was just as strangely interested in it all as I was.<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIMT7LwoGcBhgRq05y5xOQA9gIWXl7BzA2Vkpdvhg7NvwPF9oKyE9ayu86sLTA6EBRf3BSXnWbThcva9Meb54QslhGwEanz5vbnMCZa17xHgZ2RbUU8rwSN_p0-0d5GV2s_FaxlOXbGU_H/s1600/2013-11-08+16.58.48.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIMT7LwoGcBhgRq05y5xOQA9gIWXl7BzA2Vkpdvhg7NvwPF9oKyE9ayu86sLTA6EBRf3BSXnWbThcva9Meb54QslhGwEanz5vbnMCZa17xHgZ2RbUU8rwSN_p0-0d5GV2s_FaxlOXbGU_H/s1600/2013-11-08+16.58.48.jpg" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
It was a memorable evening for a lot of reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was no way I could have known exactly what
I was preparing myself for that night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Every question I asked that night answered one that I know I would have
had 5 months later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every vision I had
of where my husband was spending the night away from me on April 8, as sickening and painful as it was to not have him with me, was secured
in my mind as a safe place, cared for by friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It amazes me how God can use a silly girls’
night to provide much needed comfort and peace in the coming months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although it is such an incredibly
gut-wrenching feeling imagining him being gone, it was oddly relieving to know
the process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To not have to envision
scenes from scary movies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> To not have to dream up some sci-fi illusion of what may or may not be happening with him.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
This type of experience is not for everyone, and that’s
okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For me, it was an answer to a
prayer I never prayed. Although having Bradford with me for the rest of my life is what I want and believe that I need, it's comforting to know that God will continue to care for me in the future, <em>knowing what I need before I even ask him </em>(Matthew 6:8).</div>
<br />
<span style="color: red;">"My Jesus knows just what I need. He satisfies and every need supplies. Yes, He knows just what I need."</span><br />
<br />
...and thank you, Natalie, for being someone I can count on for anything. Whether it's sizing up the boxes outside the embalming room, spewing Diet Coke out of our noses, taking selfies, or crying on the couch, you're an amazing friend who provides so much comfort, support, and encouragement. I love you and am forever grateful for your friendship!<br />
<img align="left" src="54489-194-1D10C40B79BBBD0E93E158571BE43027" style="border: 0px currentColor;" />brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-796620973627230452014-10-03T18:42:00.000-05:002014-10-03T18:42:09.855-05:00Be Safe!<br />
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It’s always the same story, just a
different day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We know the routine all
too well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I usually have a time in mind
I’d like to leave, knowing I will be at least an hour later before I pull away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pack my bags, only to hang out a little
longer before loading them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once I’ve
loaded them, I decide I’m just going to talk for a just a few more minutes
before hitting the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We give our
hugs, say our <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I love yous</i> and follow
it up with another round of hugs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mom
is usually teary so I give her a good old fashioned <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">CUT. IT. OUT.</i> {complete with scissor hand movements!} before
hopping into the car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother-in-law
did the same thing with her son, leaving Dennis and I standing by, awkwardly
discussing the weather or traffic because she was usually pretty teary as well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><i><span>BE SAFE!</span></i></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I can remember Bradford and I
saying this to one another on a regular basis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can’t recall which one of us said it first, but we would sometimes be
funny little smarty pants by saying <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Oh,
ok!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since you said so!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whew, I wouldn’t have been if you hadn’t
reminded me</i>!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I regularly worried about all the
driving Bradford did with his job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every
time I got a text message alert saying there was an accident, bad weather, or a
shooting I checked to see where in west TN he was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oddly enough, I was hyper-sensitive to it in
the weeks prior to his accident {but really!}.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We always, always told each other to be safe and that we loved each
other.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Why is it that we say this to
people?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It quickly and regularly flies
out of our mouths without even realizing it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Truly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just pay attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve become especially aware of it since
April through all the traveling I’ve done and the comings and goings of friends
and family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even riding to town or
church seems to warrant a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">BE CAREFUL</i>!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
What if we said what we really
meant?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if, instead of asking those
we loved to travel safely, we told them what’s on our hearts?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: red; text-align: center;">
I want you to get
there alright.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: red; text-align: center;">
I love you so much.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: red; text-align: center;">
I need to see you
again.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: red; text-align: center;">
Your presence in my
life is priceless.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: red; text-align: center;">
YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT
TO ME!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzDKAlRYfXreIxNZpEfk3N7LNklZsGDzugM01SEWyZJjkoZOA0ojJCAY9FfEp5yMcHfxULYk2WhdMPmeBIpnCLJ8D6480-MXXsPWj9BT7yLRXt7ZGmemlXB7J_4W9BrMdrkZKo4D28Q7mt/s1600/photo+4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzDKAlRYfXreIxNZpEfk3N7LNklZsGDzugM01SEWyZJjkoZOA0ojJCAY9FfEp5yMcHfxULYk2WhdMPmeBIpnCLJ8D6480-MXXsPWj9BT7yLRXt7ZGmemlXB7J_4W9BrMdrkZKo4D28Q7mt/s1600/photo+4.PNG" height="201" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
As terrible as losing my husband
has been and continues to be, I can’t help but see God’s helpful hand in
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was blessed with something not
many people have before losing a loved one in an accident.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bradford and I had one of the best, most
loving conversations we ever had just the afternoon prior to his life on earth
ending.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s kind of insane to think
about the different facets of our relationship we discussed and how great of a
place we were in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If he had left this
world on a day we had a fuss before I left for work, would I still know how
much he loved me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Absolutely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it so much more satisfying to relive the
conversation of the night prior?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Words
can’t even express it…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Are there people in your life you
want to let know how important and special they are to you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who are you thinking of now…yes, that
person?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if you never got another
opportunity to speak to them again?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Would you be filled with regret?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would
you wonder if they left knowing how truly special they were to you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not everyone’s personality to be a big
sap, but it is important to show others their value to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I heard this song on Ernie Halter’s album <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">High Fidelity</i> and didn’t realize it was
a James Taylor original:</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfJWqjoekow">Shower the People</a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
{#theoriginalmakeitrain} </div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: red; text-align: center;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">…If it feels nice, don't think twice,<br />
just shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.<br />
Things are gonna work out fine if you only will do as I say, just<br />
shower the people you love with love, show them the way you feel.<br />
Things are gonna be much better if you only will.<br />
<br />
You can run but you cannot hide, this is widely known.<br />
Tell me what you plan to do with your foolish pride when you're all by
yourself, alone.<br />
Once you tell somebody the way that you feel, you can feel it beginning to
ease.<br />
I think it's true what they say about the squeaky wheel always getting the
grease.<br />
Better to shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you
feel.<br />
Things are gonna be just fine if you only will what I'd like to do to you.<br />
Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.<br />
Things are gonna be much better if you only will.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Words can
go a long way in demonstrating one’s care for another, but actions speak louder
than words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve discovered that THINGS
can satisfy any first-world narcissist for a moment, but quality time with
those we love is irreplaceable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can’t
be put on layaway, price matched, or returned for anything of higher value.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you making time to SHOW those you love what
their worth is to you?</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixBzS4AeUtXQ5em1jjfLl55VlJ7_h41Mr0cZpyB82xixBut1CyWOJmt7FgpSkLKQzjNEqPb6vYV7ym9H04-DfvBgSEmrdW8V7GqNV3EbwvzSRT7kQA_CYsES9Od36fSJ2_jP8CZQvhxM92/s1600/photo+3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixBzS4AeUtXQ5em1jjfLl55VlJ7_h41Mr0cZpyB82xixBut1CyWOJmt7FgpSkLKQzjNEqPb6vYV7ym9H04-DfvBgSEmrdW8V7GqNV3EbwvzSRT7kQA_CYsES9Od36fSJ2_jP8CZQvhxM92/s1600/photo+3.PNG" height="320" width="160" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-no-proof: yes;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
What about God?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you said AND done everything you need to
in order to be in a right relationship with Him?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If not, why not?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If there is ANYONE we need to make sure we’re
good with, it’s Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mark 13:32-33
serves as an excellent reminder that we can’t be sure of when that time will
be!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those of us who have suffered a loss
understand that all too well.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG98-S2u41c654bIex60hyphenhyphenMBsG3uPliTGVRdC_V6AzK1HqZTWUNqO0u_qk6VfR_gqyXoOHf6TII0vY9RpQbnkCX0RE3i2YjT1VFXvE64qj6E6_yqy6IeYNqUnfgzVpJFQsPCBgaisNDvKh/s1600/20.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG98-S2u41c654bIex60hyphenhyphenMBsG3uPliTGVRdC_V6AzK1HqZTWUNqO0u_qk6VfR_gqyXoOHf6TII0vY9RpQbnkCX0RE3i2YjT1VFXvE64qj6E6_yqy6IeYNqUnfgzVpJFQsPCBgaisNDvKh/s1600/20.jpg" height="269" width="320" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve recently run across 1 John 3:18, stating, “My little children,
let us not love in word or in tongue, but in DEED and in TRUTH.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do you understand this to mean?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And what implications does it have for your
spiritual walk?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I hope that you are encouraged to
embrace what you know to be true and have the confidence and strength to grasp
it tightly.</div>
<br />brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-3522696822647236622014-09-21T05:26:00.000-05:002014-09-21T09:13:25.125-05:00Sometimes the 4am Tears Just Get to Me...<br />
<br />
<img align="left" src="54489-194-1D10C40B79BBBD0E93E158571BE43027" style="border: 0;" /><br />
It doesn't matter how much I want to have a positive attitude. It doesn't matter how desperately I long to personify God's handiwork. It doesn't matter how many events I attend or work days I show up with a seemingly joyful smile...<br />
<br />
This stinks. Grief has been an unexpected ride, full of highs {ehh, that's relative} and many, many lows. No matter what I do, Bradford is on my mind. I've missed him every second, but there were a few things I did this week that just REALLY didn't feel right without him. I couldn't help but imagine what he would say or do if he was with me.<br />
<br />
I KNOW that God is the only one who can fulfill my deepest desires. I've got that. It doesn't change the fact that I'm so sad without my husband and tired of being the girl going through my daily life trying to make sense of it all without him by my side. I'm tired of having to think so much about making plans instead of just automatically having them with him. I'm tired of trying to remember things on my own. I'm tired of forgetting things. I'm tired of soaking his pillow with tears. I'm tired of feeling guilty if I've gone days without crying. I'm just flat out TIRED!<br />
<br />
I've felt very out of character these past 5 months. It's not like me to be stuck in such a dark place. A few weeks after losing him, a dear friend told me that even though I'm going through the motions of everyday life, she can tell I seem uncomfortable in my own skin. I would like to think that isn't true, but reality is that half of me is gone. It makes me think about weight loss shows. Sometimes participants lose so much that they are able to have their excess skin cut off. I think I'm just clinging to mine right now, as ugly as it may be.<br />
<br />
Please pray for me. I don't even know what to specifically ask for anymore, but trust that God will know what to do. I <u>will</u> be ok! I just need to wallow in my own self-pity every once in a while.brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-39540319101379684082014-09-16T21:46:00.000-05:002014-09-16T21:46:32.215-05:00My God is My Provider<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB1zmKcmJ3SeMb57H9wM8W8WoppBMdbV33OWc-UEjnUeqBS3btVPJsEU9qPVCqI2ekxWJnVTuYGcSadbUoVS78xgzqWhzfhCg-cZFtkyN_fBngCiVmL4zbbhOewabH-GwU0PDo7veWHZHZ/s1600/23.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB1zmKcmJ3SeMb57H9wM8W8WoppBMdbV33OWc-UEjnUeqBS3btVPJsEU9qPVCqI2ekxWJnVTuYGcSadbUoVS78xgzqWhzfhCg-cZFtkyN_fBngCiVmL4zbbhOewabH-GwU0PDo7veWHZHZ/s1600/23.jpg" height="278" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while,
if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of
your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is
tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of
Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet
believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the
end of your faith—the salvation of your souls. I Peter 1:6-9 </i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
In the moment, it's sometimes difficult to know how God is working in our
lives. We will never fully understand the ways he provides for us, playing a
role in seemingly every day, ordinary situations, ultimately preparing us for
great things. Looking back over my life I can see the "big" ones. If
we hadn't moved to MS I would've never gone to Kensington Woods. If I hadn't
gone to Kensington Woods, I wouldn't have been a part of our youth campaigns
with Roebuck. If I hadn't done that, I wouldn't have gone to Freed-Hardeman. If
I hadn't gone there, I wouldn't have ever met and married Bradford {although he
always told me that he believed God would've found SOME way to bring us
together}. If I hadn't gone to FHU, I wouldn't have made the awesome
friendships I did, helping to shape who I am, and ultimately landing me in
Brownsville. And if I'd never come to Brownsville...<br />
<br />
Last fall, my best friend went through a difficult loss. The long and short of
it is that her husband decided that he no longer wanted to be married to her. {He
didn't get the memo that you can't have a wife AND a girlfriend. OOOPS!} They
were the ideal couple. They made each other laugh, seemingly respected one
another, and even still talked in that ooshy gooshy voice on the phone. She
happily cared for him in ways many other women don't care for their husbands.
She spoke of him in ways many other women don't speak of their husbands. Even
at his worst, he was her best. When she told me, I was in shock. It was
unbelievable. It seemed he was just having some sort of temporary insanity. She
really seemed like the best wife! And he, a great husband! There were so many
ways I wanted to be like her in my own marriage. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Watching someone you love face difficult times when you can't do anything to
fix it is one of the most helpless and heartbreaking feelings. {This is
something those nearest and dearest to me have expressed time and time again
since losing Bradford.} The months leading up to her divorce were devastating
and overwhelming...and it wasn't even MY marriage! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
"Coincidentally," our Wednesday night Bible study was on suffering.
We looked to the scriptures to determine the benefits and dangers of suffering
and God's part in it all. We discussed all sorts of ways people suffer,
directly or indirectly. <u><b>Why do children die? Why do members of our family
suffer from cancer or other diseases? Why are there natural disasters? WHY IS
THERE SO MUCH SUFFERING?! AND WHERE IS GOD WHILE IT'S HAPPENING??</b></u> I sat through
week after week in this study, tears constantly streaming down my face. {I know
people assumed iiiiiii was going through something. She hadn't made this public
yet and I certainly wasn't going to share it}. Everything said could somehow
relate to the heartache she was facing. <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I shared my notes with her each week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve asked sweet Stacie to share her
experience with us and express how she was able to see God working and helping
her through it:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">I remember kneeling before God and
pleading with him to save my marriage. I had made promises to him and my
husband that I planned on keeping until death do us part. My husband had not
taken those promises so seriously. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><br />
In the children's book, Because of Winn Dixie, there is a sentence that I
connected with. The sentence says, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You
can only love something as long as it will let you</i>. I clearly remember
reading this passage to a room full of 2nd graders. My eyes began to fill with
tears as I realized just how true this statement was for myself and the man
that I loved. My husband walked out the door. He never looked back. He left his
home, our dog, and the life that we had built together. <br />
Sad does not even begin to describe how I felt. It was a struggle every day to
put one foot in front of the other. Smiling and greeting people seemed
impossible. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I was in a very dark place. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><br />
My sister was out of town the weekend I discovered the affair. I called
Brittany and told her to come over and quick. I told her everything and she was
in as much shock as I was. You see, I had a happy marriage. My husband was very
good to me, showered me with love, and always treated me with so much kindness.
Many days I felt so bad for Brittany. I was absolutely miserable and I know I
was terrible to be around. Not to mention the fact that everyone was asking her
what was wrong with me and she had to keep my secret until I was ready to tell. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><br />
This is where our friendship got deep. Her church was doing a study on
suffering. She shared all the information with me. These papers truly SAVED me.
They helped me to work through all the pain and rejection I was feeling. They
gave me hope for the future. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><br />
Want to know the coolest thing about all those papers that Brittany shared with
me on suffering? They are all in Bradford's handwriting. You see he knew all
about the struggles I was facing. He wanted to help me too. I remember going to
their house for dinner one night and Bradford and I had some time alone while
Brittany finished cooking. He asked me about how I was doing and had some
suggestions for me as I faced more difficult days ahead. I always told Brittany
that one day Bradford would be a personal counselor. He had an ability to set
you at ease and give Biblical insights to help lead your path. Brittany told me
once that she heard Bradford praying aloud for me. My heart was touched.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><br />
This is the part where the way God was providing for me seemed to become clearer. I was
finally beginning to feel like myself again, my divorce was final, and I was
very content with life. Then on <span class="object"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT57_com_zimbra_date"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT56_com_zimbra_date">April 8th</span></span></span> as I was
taking Brittany home she received the MOST DEVASTATING news. That night I
remember laying on the grass, holding Brittany, and thinking, how could this be
happening? God? What do we do now? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><br />
God has prepared in us a friendship like family. I was able to take care of
Brittany the way she had taken care of me. Then one day after things began to
settle down a little, I looked at Brittany and said, <b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">THE PAPERS! </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>The papers that
were in Bradford's handwriting! The papers that were all about suffering!</i></b> I
knew these papers and the messages within them were a part of God's providence.
Bradford had prepared a gift for Brittany. I knew these papers would give her
hope for the future on the dark days ahead. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><br />
Oh, and speaking of God's providence... Did I mention that the very week that
Brittany received the news, the apartment connected to my home had just been
completely renovated and was ready for a renter? Brittany is now mostly settled
in that apartment. I can hear her sweet Ollie barking as I write this entry.
She is close. We are here for each other. She is the definition of a friend. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><br />
One thing I know for sure is that God takes care of us. He took care of me. He
is taking care of Brittany. Sometimes you just have to look at the sky and ask
God for just one ray of sunshine. Don't you, Brittany? I hope that the future
blogs she shares on suffering will help you as much as the have helped us. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><br />
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">-Stacie Lefave </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*I really don’t know how to best respond to that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she sent me this, it took me back to all
of these dark times we’ve been through together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ve truly seen each other at our
worst.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am so incredibly grateful for
you, Stacie, and I could never fully express how much your friendship means to me. I know God will give us many more rays of sunshine… <span style="font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">:) Oh, and you really weren't THAT terrible to be around :)</span><span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It's crazy how sometimes I think I've figured God out. I am confident that God
used me through that class to reach out and help my friend through the biggest
challenge she's ever faced. It's even crazier how I can limit God. I mean, that
seemed like such a big deal at the time...and it really was. I spent so much
time digging through those scriptures with her and studying those concepts and
truths with her.<br />
<br />
What I learned:<br />
-God doesn't MAKE those things happen, but He does allow them.<br />
-Things could always be worse. I mean, look at poor ol’ Job. <br />
-God WILL provide for His own, if only in the next life. We need only make it
through this one as His faithful children.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-There are benefits we can receive through suffering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>{Wait, what?!}<br />
-Did I mention things could always be worse?!<br />
<br />
I felt like I was beginning to have a little clarity concerning this thing
called life. Through her suffering I was able to cling to the good things I
had. I can remember her telling me to hold my husband extra tight at
night...and I truly did! Her trials helped me endure a rough patch I faced in
my own marriage. I learned not to take him for granted and that individuals can
only truly control themselves.<br />
<br />
I can't imagine how differently my grief would have been or could have been had
I not been so immersed in Scriptures and God's promises to His children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to share everything that we discussed
in class to maybe, just MAYBE, reach someone who is struggling with a hurt that
seems unbearable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For now I will just
leave you with part of Bradford’s notes on the benefits of suffering…</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-26901340775556813882014-09-01T14:49:00.000-05:002014-09-01T14:49:27.378-05:00Home is Where the Heart is<i><img align="left" src="54489-194-1D10C40B79BBBD0E93E158571BE43027" style="border: 0;" /></i><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR9UvyZrkdKh_MEXubNrB23fvoOXuLoQ2ZZ3LxyCMX6R2BiK2EUP41csKmN_KXpTuAJJHfsp9Z2DFDEbwm_3o5QI-znvsH_-cBtObXuGtSRMwGFQ0yUoO8_Wl5QIPY66KPM_u1ahyphenhyphenDZ-o1/s1600/16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR9UvyZrkdKh_MEXubNrB23fvoOXuLoQ2ZZ3LxyCMX6R2BiK2EUP41csKmN_KXpTuAJJHfsp9Z2DFDEbwm_3o5QI-znvsH_-cBtObXuGtSRMwGFQ0yUoO8_Wl5QIPY66KPM_u1ahyphenhyphenDZ-o1/s1600/16.jpg" height="282" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>For my husband is not at home; He has gone on a long journey.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Proverbs 7:19</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i> </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i> </i></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Today is the day I have been longing for and dreading all at
the same time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am finally COMPLETELY
moved out of my old house, OUR house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
feels weird just locking up and driving away, so I am going to sit in this
unfurnished place and write to my Hun about some memories we’ve made here.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bradford,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, the good news is that I don’t ever have to wake up
another morning and not see you in our kitchen making your coffee!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I'm overcome with so many emotions as I prepare to leave this house we've called home for 4 years. You know me...I'm kind of a freak when it comes to sentimental things. I had to take pictures of each room and I want to remind you of some of my most precious memories with you here...</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR9UvyZrkdKh_MEXubNrB23fvoOXuLoQ2ZZ3LxyCMX6R2BiK2EUP41csKmN_KXpTuAJJHfsp9Z2DFDEbwm_3o5QI-znvsH_-cBtObXuGtSRMwGFQ0yUoO8_Wl5QIPY66KPM_u1ahyphenhyphenDZ-o1/s1600/16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2TW6rBIm7mI7Q6P1_GQPXps_6zyRDzE-peMjDUm9oMiVixNLz2ppi4bT60N1YRMRLEVRHuftgdEKGHoZhC_ekPmK08DiDWeyrxpx-L-9LpqmLUkzXHaytBbv04jfF1sCTtnz0ciGcdTKz/s1600/13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2TW6rBIm7mI7Q6P1_GQPXps_6zyRDzE-peMjDUm9oMiVixNLz2ppi4bT60N1YRMRLEVRHuftgdEKGHoZhC_ekPmK08DiDWeyrxpx-L-9LpqmLUkzXHaytBbv04jfF1sCTtnz0ciGcdTKz/s1600/13.jpg" height="184" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMDKMyelLVlYoYX7JGcRyW3QxNzoNOhsz5aVK04P-tGzgJ6iB2EtarZ1ycTL-iBryAO8Zk5Q7OYSA08ODct5G8wRY9cOLj6_iwskhAilKLBFwQE7uTPc29eyCWddRm-GLpVYfBzahNBSnS/s1600/14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMDKMyelLVlYoYX7JGcRyW3QxNzoNOhsz5aVK04P-tGzgJ6iB2EtarZ1ycTL-iBryAO8Zk5Q7OYSA08ODct5G8wRY9cOLj6_iwskhAilKLBFwQE7uTPc29eyCWddRm-GLpVYfBzahNBSnS/s1600/14.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is the dining room we rarely used.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we first moved stuff in here it was an
excellent place to store all of our wedding gifts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had SO many, but we didn’t want to use
them until we were officially married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
can still see your bikes leaned up against the wall in here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anytime we were to have company over I would
ask you to move them {because I learned really quickly not to touch them
myself!}.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You never understood what the
big deal was, but {usually} moved them anyways with a smile on your face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the room we played cards so many
times with your family, OUR family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
remember when we first got Ollie he loved to come to his secret spot in here to
potty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You tried to outsmart him by
putting a potty pad there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re a
genius! <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">:)</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember this room being a disaster for
weeks as I painted the china cabinet your mom gave us {don’t worry folks, I had
permission}.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember having friends
over many times as we attempted making dinner for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember you were so funny this one time we had
an adult couple over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You grilled
porkloin and I made cheesy ranch potatoes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When they left the room you gave me your open mouthed, high-arched eyebrows smile and told me
that we were like REAL adults!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also
remember how overflowing this room was with friends and family after your
graduation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was always so fun to get
both of our families together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
remember even more clearly after you left this earth how many plates of food,
people, paper products, and plants were jam packed in here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You would’ve loved visiting with all of your
favorites!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpHSVf4emtpC-5T94cFuMBpkYq7kgSUzQYe22isBSR7OKyLEQghZOvHzMSfyo4LcoG8ePNSQGchasoH_WmJpFyOoxzFgIUmA8B56xiJsfVD41qfa9KSzU5y2BOu8bqd_iu9mYiELKlVdSY/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpHSVf4emtpC-5T94cFuMBpkYq7kgSUzQYe22isBSR7OKyLEQghZOvHzMSfyo4LcoG8ePNSQGchasoH_WmJpFyOoxzFgIUmA8B56xiJsfVD41qfa9KSzU5y2BOu8bqd_iu9mYiELKlVdSY/s1600/1.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here is the laundry room that was constantly used!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boy, have I missed doing your laundry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We didn’t spend a lot of time in here
together, but sitting here I am reminded of some things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was always appreciative that you emptied your pockets. I never ruined a load of laundry due to your gum or pens. You were so particular about your laundry in
wanting it to be “just so.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your pants
had to be folded with the back pockets touching, the crotch facing the left
with the hook curving to the right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never was too good at
remembering that <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">;)</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You gave me several lessons and fully
recognized what a freak you were for it ;)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can remember our hot water heater not working and you becoming handy
man Higgins in your attempt to fix it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The pilot had been blown out and you needed my help to see if it came on
{this worked best at night when it was dark in here}.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was always scared you were going to blow
your face off, or at least singe your eyebrows, because of the warning about
how many times you could push the igniter. You weren't skeered!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Our kitchen was one of your favorite places.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know HOW you stayed so thin!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can still see you in here making your
coffee, espresso, or fudge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You really
did make the best fudge!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You would often
come up behind me and hold me while I made our dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had a lot of taco night dance parties in
here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still not sure why we didn’t
have manwich night dance parties or shrimp bowtie pasta night dance parties ;)
When you cleaned the kitchen you REALLY cleaned it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved when you did the dishes because you
paid such close attention to the detail in disinfecting things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> How many women can say their husbands do THAT?! </span>I can still see you in here making my
lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You really were the best!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just remembered one week when there were so
many storms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We drug the mattress from
one of our beds to sleep on the kitchen floor so we could get under the little
table in the hallway if we needed to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You were somehow able to make me forget my fear of storms as we laughed at how crazy but funny we were.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
We always called this the zebra room, even after we switched
the comforters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We really never spent
much time in here together besides the occasional nap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was unofficially my other room since I
kept my school bags and winter clothes in here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I grew up sleeping in this bed, and I never dreamed it would actually
sit in the home I shared with my most fantastic love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve hidden many of your gifts in here, too!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh boy, the office.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
sorry I griped at you about this room so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This was your other room and the source of many a fuss. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You never understood why it was so important
to me to have EVERY room of our house clean when we were having company over.
;)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can still see you coming in here to
clean your guns and organize your comics .<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Although the room was usually a disaster, your closet was always much
more organized than mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks for
even sharing a little space in it with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can still see all of your school books in here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You kept a lot of helpful books, but
your favorite was always the DSM.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had
a lot of fun “diagnosing” people!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>HAHA!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s the bathroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Although I always looked forward to the day we would have 2 bathrooms, I
never took for granted the fact that we had 2 sinks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ve brushed our teeth together in here
many, many times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, I always
tried to hold out and brush as long as you did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If there was a part of you that was going to be clean, it was your
mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember showering in here
and you would come in here to use the restroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You could always tell a major difference in the temperature of the water
when the toilet flushed so you were always sure to say <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">FLUSHING</i> when you were done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes it would startle me because I didn’t even know you were in
here!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would jokingly reply with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">SCALDING</i> although I didn’t really notice
a difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we first got married I
always cut your hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We would come in
here, cut apart a trash bag and you would get down on all fours for me to buzz
your hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the last place I ever
saw you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can still see your feet
standing on that rug Ollie loved to chew on and looking up to kiss you and tell
you bye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember coming in here
to cry so many times in the days and weeks that followed your death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of my absolute worst moments were in
this tiny room.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
And our bedroom. Don’t worry, I’ll keep this rated G ;) Two of
my most favorite times with you in here were in your last week of life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll never forget you coming in that Tuesday
night after playing tennis and just sitting on the side of the bed, holding my
hand, and talking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember
thinking in that moment how simple, yet perfect, it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Sunday afternoon before your accident I
had SO much school work to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I decided
I was exhausted and we should take a nap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can still feel your sweet arms around me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We accidentally slept for a few hours and
when we woke up we just laid there looking at each other. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was pure and simple. I can’t tell you how
many times since you’ve been gone I’ve pictured that very afternoon where I just
gazed into those beautiful blue eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was perfect.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t think there was <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">EVER</b>
a time you simply walked down the hall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">ALWAYS</b> jumped up and
head-butted the string you pull to get to the attic!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One time when Bradley was visiting we decided
to pull it up a couple of inches to see if you would notice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You came by and just pulled it down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do you know these things?!</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
We did a lot of living in this living room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most nights consisted of us chilling on the
couch watching TV and working or me scratching your head and you scratching my
leg.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had it all worked out!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You were so dedicated to your job and would
often have papers and your planner strewn out working on session notes or
treatment plans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is where I would
find you early on Saturday mornings watching Manchester United play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can still see you doing your little dance
where you pick up your knees and push your arms in and out {I don’t know how
else to describe it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know I will
remember exactly what this is when I read it in the future!}<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can still see you on the trainer drinking
your Mio water and watching Big Bang Theory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As I sit where we placed our Christmas tree every year I can still see you
unloading that itchy thing and us decorating it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always loved exchanging gifts with you,
especially gifts that make me seem ignorant {cue the charcoal path to your GAS
grill! Hahaha!}. I can still hear your car backing into the driveway...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I get ready to leave this place for the final time I am
overwhelmed with happy memories I made with you. I really did love it here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It hasn’t been home for almost 5 months since
you have been gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I truly understand
this popular quote:</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>This
is just a dwelling place without you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span> It
has stored our belongings and provided shelter for me many nights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little
bit nervous about this next phase in my grief, not having this house to visit
when I want to feel closer to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am, however, very excited to not have the
stress of going through our things and moving them anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just know that if home is where the heart is
that YOU are my home.</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Missing you every second of every day,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brittany, your Sug</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i> </i></div>
brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-90757135588423957012014-08-18T19:43:00.001-05:002014-08-18T19:43:18.080-05:00How do I LIVE?!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
How do I live without you?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I want to know,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
How do I breathe without you?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
If you ever go,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
How do I ever, ever survive?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>How Do I Live</i>, Leann Rimes</div>
<br />
If
I see <b>one more commercial </b>about Leann Rimes coming to Tunica I just
might sling the remote right through my new flat screen TV.<br />
<br />
I
heard this song the first time I ventured to the mall since I lost him. I
know I looked crazy, searching for the nearest place to sit, fire
escape, exit into a black hole... <br />
<br />
As you fall in love and fall
deeper into love it seems so natural and even expected to feel this way.
Your spouse is truly your other half! We grow up learning this as a
biblical truth, as well: <br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>But from the beginning of the creation, God
‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his
father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become
one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore
what God has joined together, let not man separate</i>. (Mark 10:6-9)</div>
<br />
I never realized how saturated our culture was with the
phrases <i>I couldn't live without you, I'd die without you</i>, and Kelly
Clarkson's ever famous words, <i>my life would suck without you</i>, until this
tragedy occurred.<br />
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<br />
I know I've relayed this sentiment to Bradford
hundreds of times because really...once you've found the one your soul
loves, you just can't fathom a life on Earth without them. I never
imagined I would actually have to, not before we were 95 at least.<br />
<br />
Every
time I witness this sentiment being expressed, it hurts me. It's a blow
to my already caving in chest telling me that somehow I didn't love my
husband enough because I am, indeed, living without him. It comes across
that maybe their love is more powerful because they would in fact DIE
without their life partner. They depend on their love more than I did on
mine. They can't function without their spouse. EVERYTHING IN LIFE will stink FOREVER if your spouse loses their life before you lose yours.<br />
<br />
Am I mad at
anyone who says these things? Do I get angry seeing that type of lovey
dovey post on Facebook? Do I wish couples wouldn't express this to one
another? NO, NO, NO! In fact, it really touches me to see couples
embracing their love and not wasting an opportunity to tell each other
just how much they mean to them. PLEASE--I'm <b>BEGGING</b> you. Don't waste a moment! <br />
<br />
Here is what I've come to realize:<br />
<br />
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<br />
Do I feel lost without him? Do I feel like I can't live? Does my life suck? These answers may vary from moment to moment. Although
I'm living, breathing, and have blood flowing through my veins, <b>it
doesn't feel right</b> without him. I can remember talking with my good
friend Sara Massey several years ago about how wild it is to go from
being Miss Independent and a real go-getter to somehow feeling lost at
functions without our husbands by our sides. You just get used to that
warmth and comfort. Could I do things without him? Absolutely. Did I
prefer his company? Every time. <br />
<br />
Even if {actually I should say WHEN} any of our lives are tough, we feel alone, or feel like we'll never make it, this world wasn't meant to be a place for our comfort. Although I would never choose it, I would rather have a
life full of pain and an eternity with my Father than a life free of
troubles and an eternity of torture. This has only fueled my desire for Heaven. <br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
What will living without him look like in 10 years? 1 year? <span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT101_com_zimbra_date"><span class="Object" id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT102_com_zimbra_date">Tomorrow</span></span>?!
Only time will tell. My prayer is that I will use the rest of my time
on Earth without him living a life that's full and pleasing to God. It's what God
wants, it's what I want...and I know Bradford does, too. :)<br />
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<br />brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-27638371753559841402014-08-17T19:26:00.001-05:002014-08-17T19:40:17.924-05:00Scrubbing<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3899822591416897150" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img align="left" border="0" src="54489-194-1D10C40B79BBBD0E93E158571BE43027" style="border: 0pt none; cursor: move;" /></a><i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i><br />
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<i>The psychic wound we experience when we lose a loved one to death is much like the physical wound caused by a bad burn. Burn victims are in extreme danger of infection. If an infection takes hold under the scab that develops over the burn it can become life-threatening, even when the burn itself is not. The only way to be sure that no infection develops is to scrub the wound periodically, which is extremely painful and said to be one of the worst aspects of the healing process. </i><span style="font-size: x-small;">"Grieving the Loss of Someone You Love" by Raymond R. Mitsch and Lynn Brookside</span><br />
<br />
Writing has been a part of my scrubbing routine and I'm thankful for the pain it lets me feel in a healing way. I appreciate every bit of positive encouragement I've received from folks reading it. Thank you!<br />
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...</div>
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Apart from showering, I think those flights home were my first real moments alone. I was SO thankful they weren't spent driving the long, lonely road back from KS, filled with every gas station memory and roadside adventure we'd ever been on together. I can remember driving back from Kansas just weeks before our wedding, crying the entire way, listening to songs and trying to nail down which ones I wanted us to use in the ceremony. Those HAPPY tears were exhausting...I can only imagine how this ride would have been. Luckily, nobody sitting beside me on my flights wanted to chat much and I was able to get some good reading and resting in.<br />
<br />
When I got back to Memphis, my good friend Bryan Gore picked me up from the airport. My mom was able to come and stay with me for the week so we met up with her and went to his and Sami Jo's house for dinner. And I can't forget sweet Pacman! :) It was great to come back to an awesome meal with these incredible people! Thanks again for always being there, Samuel Joseph and Bryan! I love y'all so much!<br />
<br />
What would it have been like coming back home without my mom there with me? I can't fathom. We were able to laugh, we were able to cry, and then we were able to cry some more. There's nothing quite like being able to "ugly cry" in front of someone who truly doesn't judge you by it. {Many thanks to the countless others who have witnessed this cry, too!} I've been blessed to find not only a great Momma in Kim Anderson, but a priceless friend.<br />
<br />
I never realized how much paperwork would be involved in this kind of tragedy. I know I spent an entire DAY filling things out that week, and that barely scratched the surface of all I needed to do with it. I had so many files with different documentation, that couldn't be sent until I had other documentation, etc., etc., ETC.!!! Wanna know one of the toughest, if not THE toughest, things about the documentation involved?<br />
Seeing:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Bradford Higgins - deceased</b></div>
<br />
How impersonal. How upsetting. How final. Don't they know he was my husband? Don't they know he is the man who had my HEART?! My WHOLE HEART?! It was a punch in the gut every time I saw that word. {I say that knowing that I wouldn't expect it to be written any other way. It's just a harsh reality. Some insurance companies really did have kind ways of offering condolences in their letters.}<br />
<br />
It was important for me to do something on the side of the road at the site of the accident. The week before, Melissa and I had seen some little wooden crosses with pitiful looking bows on them in Walmart for $4.97. I said, " I can't put THAT out there! Everyone who passes by will say, 'That poor guy. Nobody loved him.'" I typed in roadside memorials on Pinterest and saw several cute ideas. As I continued scrolling I kept seeing this memorial called a ghost bike. This is apparently a big deal around the world and used as a way to remember those who have been struck and killed while riding their bikes. {If I'm being totally honest, THAT is how I always thought he would go. I was a nervous wreck with him riding his bike here in rural west TN!} I decided that it didn't matter what the tradition was concerning the ghost bike, it was a great visual of Bradford and one of his MOST favorite things in this world! So I started my search for a bike...I'm pretty sure 10 min after posting on Facebook that I was searching for one, I had 7 offers!<br />
<br />
We took this bike:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbHEPkzAkByECFQlrNLo5ukvBlW_zaN5pGSbwLW_qbgPzEgkxGmNOwMi3B6arkac1__CYX9DbrcSXQzODF1j9yw6ITWx-g1srRiXGMdA7t528-z7Eo49-csd5TKDdwy8B5D632f3vNlhLS/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbHEPkzAkByECFQlrNLo5ukvBlW_zaN5pGSbwLW_qbgPzEgkxGmNOwMi3B6arkac1__CYX9DbrcSXQzODF1j9yw6ITWx-g1srRiXGMdA7t528-z7Eo49-csd5TKDdwy8B5D632f3vNlhLS/s1600/1.jpg" height="237" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I want to give a BIG THANK YOU to my sweet rafiki, Teresa Rachels! It's perfect! :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Momma painted it:<br />
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<br />
And I worked my magic.<br />
<br />
Sweet Brandon Maurer texts me often to see if there are any jobs I can have him do for me {Taylor has asked me to have him pick up his clothes around the house! BAHAHA!}. I asked him to meet us in Trenton one night to help us get this memorial set up by digging a hole and setting a metal pipe in it with cement. THANKS Brandon, for breaking through that tough, dry ground, essentially digging a 10 foot hole, mixing the cement, and standing in the rain to get that done for us. If Momma and I had done it, we would probably still be out there! I'm grateful for you!<br />
<br />
Here is what we accomplished that night:<br />
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<br />
Momma went back home that Friday morning. I kept pushing back when I wanted to go back to work and decided I could try it that Friday afternoon. Did I mention that I missed 2 1/2 weeks of school with only 1 week until our standardized testing?! Luckily, I was not worried about my students as they were under the care of two former colleagues as subs. I'm very thankful for my amazing administrators and incredible fellow teachers who truly allowed me to not worry about what was going on while I was gone. Mrs. Cheri Velotta was with my students that day and helped them welcome me back in the sweetest of ways. I'm thankful not only for the care and thoughtfulness she showed with my kiddos, but for her daily encouragement for weeks to come. I won't ever forget it.<br />
<br />
Here is what I returned to:<br />
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I was showered with thoughtful gifts, warm hugs, and precious, precious
words. HES is truly a place filled with beautiful people, both young and
"seasoned!" <br />
<br />
Ashley Springfield, a student's mom who has become
my friend, had another surprise for me that afternoon. I met my students
in the front yard after lunch to have a balloon release in memory of
Bradford! It was beautiful to see them float to the heavens as I was
surrounded by my excited kiddos!<br />
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<br />
The days and weeks that followed
for the remainder of the school year were filled with ups and downs. It
was good to be in a routine, but it was hard without him as a part of
that routine. There literally wasn't a minute that I wasn't thinking of
him, sometimes with a smile, sometimes with a tear. ALWAYS ready to see
him again.<br />
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<br />brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-61397224244448684122014-08-10T21:10:00.000-05:002014-08-10T21:10:36.953-05:00For Better or Worse...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv0TnLuEZWeRzouVadfVpodu-Nc4CGbdjytEIm0Gcw6Am_Tz1ddwvTZLjAZrR_4GaK-RGTYpWNgPIX40n8vx8rSEtNL_IMl5E1cR6rda2uJoEFk1V-KcJuTyPT8GXBz5cNSqCi2dICgZMm/s1600/.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv0TnLuEZWeRzouVadfVpodu-Nc4CGbdjytEIm0Gcw6Am_Tz1ddwvTZLjAZrR_4GaK-RGTYpWNgPIX40n8vx8rSEtNL_IMl5E1cR6rda2uJoEFk1V-KcJuTyPT8GXBz5cNSqCi2dICgZMm/s1600/.jpg" height="189" width="320" /></a></div>
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It has been a while since I’ve written publicly about my
journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have many thoughts and
feelings I want to share, so I want to write another post or two in this “timeline”
series, remembering the weeks following my husband’s death.</div>
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I was so
anxious to be back with my in-laws on the trip back from my brother’s wedding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were countless times I hoped I was just
dreaming and that I would wake up and find him there with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember coming into the house late that
Sunday night to find a very solemn and sad group of people, some still in their
pajamas from the night before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not
judging…if it had been possible for me to do the same, I probably would
have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We sat around talking and catching
up on the events from the weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was so weird to have them in our home without him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It just didn’t seem right!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It WASN’T right!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having them there to cry and talk with was
just what I needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m thankful for the
time we were able to do just that during their time in TN.<br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It is
amazing how blurry things can become with time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There are some events I can recall so easily and others I can’t remember
at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is a major part of why I want
to document these events on this blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
won’t forget the pain that I experienced this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t forget the conversations I had
looking into the eyes of his family, OUR family, slowly realizing that this was
our new reality.</div>
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I THINK it was
Monday morning that Bradford’s supervisor from Youth Villages came over to
retrieve his documentation from work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
is always good to see and visit with Kerry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He had so many kind things to say about Bradford and his work and was
completely sincere in doing so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think
I can vouch more than anyone about how dedicated he was to his job and the hours
he put into it, but it was great to hear again and again how GOOD he was at it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
I’m pretty sure it was the next morning
that Tyler and Ryan {my brothers-in-law…you know, Muscles/Beanie Baby and
Rhino} took me around town to pay my bills.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We went to the bank, Time Warner Cable, and the Utility Dept.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember Tyler asking, “Is this how you
always pay your bills?!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No…that’s how
BRADFORD always paid our bills!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
laughed and said it suited him to be so personable :)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Soon after leaving the utility dept. I got a
message saying that someone had already taken care of my utility bill and that
they would destroy the check I just left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>WHAT?!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know who the kind
soul is who did that, but I’m amazed at the kindness and generosity shown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you’re reading this, please know how
thankful I was and am :)<br />
Dennis, Tyler, Ryan, and I went to
Trenton to meet with the Lt. to get the accident report that afternoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although still in a fog and sense of denial,
I was in a better place to have an actual conversation with him than the
previous time I saw him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He answered any
questions we had and even took us to the scene of the accident.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDZirLjGeUZZcL9bT7hnhBD4qlFraMDZHyo9SVlUR6GGcfTAJceI1ao_aNSH76CtYywInTzj4Mc-cPsvugMzrDbwUn_F-aek6P6oTLDAPWLouXhkt0Ykz8bCSKdJbsIv3_x1hIvoHIiDME/s1600/3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDZirLjGeUZZcL9bT7hnhBD4qlFraMDZHyo9SVlUR6GGcfTAJceI1ao_aNSH76CtYywInTzj4Mc-cPsvugMzrDbwUn_F-aek6P6oTLDAPWLouXhkt0Ykz8bCSKdJbsIv3_x1hIvoHIiDME/s1600/3.jpg" height="101" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What
a view! I've said so many times that this could've happened just up
the road in front of McDonald's or the dollar store, but he went in a
pretty beautiful location.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span> </span>There really aren’t words to describe how
that felt and you can’t really imagine it unless you’ve experienced something
similar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lt. Wilson explained the spray
paint on the road which depicted the site of the impact and the final location
of the vehicles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The roadside was
sprinkled with glass, plastic shards, and I even found his sunglasses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After a while of piddling around out there,
Tyler brought me something shiny and silvery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although I
received many things that were with him the night of the accident, I had not
seen this or knew anything about its whereabouts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I only assumed it had been destroyed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amidst all of the rock, grass, and rubble,
Tyler found the face of the watch I had given him when he graduated with his Master’s
degree!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here is what it looks like now:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiohVSwgxO0Jnap1u-ZrNQ5_AT7v0QRnxh978nP4rKyKP1nKg3eNzhdQuCBLYac_jF_CI6f3nQswNXqxJBVAL8cm7GccxF8bK4uxeD97J-E6XRIEwZjh_WDkbz3VRymLzRVFolKe2dSKKW1/s1600/20.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiohVSwgxO0Jnap1u-ZrNQ5_AT7v0QRnxh978nP4rKyKP1nKg3eNzhdQuCBLYac_jF_CI6f3nQswNXqxJBVAL8cm7GccxF8bK4uxeD97J-E6XRIEwZjh_WDkbz3VRymLzRVFolKe2dSKKW1/s1600/20.jpg" height="269" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I am thankful to have this gift and reminder of the vapor
that this life really is {James 4:14}</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>After we
left the site, we met the ladies in Jackson for dinner at Coyote Blues {one of
our FAVORITES!}<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bradford always tried
different things and LOVED the duck quesadillas!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were many of those ordered with blueberry/raspberry sauce that night in his
honor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember giggling with
Melissa at one point about how depressed we were and how sorry we felt for our
poor waiter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It almost seemed necessary
to say that we really are fun people!<br />
<br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Blake
Beckham, a former classmate and current employee of FHU, came to our house to
discuss the scholarship fund with us on Wednesday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We discussed the options we had and signed
papers finalizing our desire to create this in his memory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember my father-in-law getting teary
as he told how the endowed scholarship he received when he was a student there
is still being given today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
important to us to do this to let his legacy live on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Bradford J. Higgins Endowed Scholarship was
established to provide funds for graduate students pursuing careers in
counseling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bradford and I knew the
financial struggle that came with being a full-time graduate student with a
part-time job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His family and I wanted
to help ease the burden of future professionals who have a passion for the same
thing Bradford did: helping others through counseling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before the first scholarship can be given, we
must raise $30,000.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am SO thankful for
those who have already shown such generosity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you are interested in donating to this fund, please visit <a href="https://give.fhu.edu/endowedscholarships">https://give.fhu.edu/endowedscholarships</a>.
This link takes you directly to the online giving page and requires that you
type that you’d like to donate to the Bradford J. Higgins Endowed Scholarship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please let me know if you have any questions :)</div>
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Although I
knew I was exactly where I needed to be, I could not help but wonder and worry
about my precious kiddos at school and made arrangements to see them that
afternoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember being very concerned
and prayerful about how to talk with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I knew that the principal and school counselor had seen them the day
after the accident and told them the horrible news.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My principal even went to the lengths of
calling each parent to let them know!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
great friend and former teacher of mine told me about an amazing book she read
when her father passed away years ago and recommended it as one I could read to
my students.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After I read it for myself I
knew that was the best thing to do!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was pretty terrifying thinking about how extreme my emotions could have been as
I sat there before them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once I set foot
in that room every concern I had stayed in the hallway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will never forget the joy and excitement I felt
as I entered the room and laid eyes on my kids for the first time since my
world was turned upside down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to
think quickly and make sure I had them approach me in an orderly fashion, or I’m
pretty sure there would have been a stampede!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It made this girl feel pretty good :)<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As I began
reading the book, I was a little nervous that I might get emotional.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was another one of those moments that I
KNOW God helped me through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I read
each word I COULDN’T HELP but smile, dreaming of the Day that is to come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you’ve ever lost someone close to you or if
you want to read to a child who has lost someone close to them, I would highly
recommend <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Last Place</i> by Warren
Hanson. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a kid-friendly book that
uses beautiful metaphors while pondering what will be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being there with them for that short while was
JUST what I needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That afternoon I received
an encouraging text from one of my student’s mom that I won’t forget.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I just
wanted to say thank you…my child woke up on the wrong side of bed today but
when I picked him up he had the biggest smile and ray of hope in his eyes!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said, “Guess what, Mom?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ms. Brittany came to school today and read us
a book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She even gave me a hug!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you know what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She talked about Mr. Bradford without even
shedding a tear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know, I really
think she is going to be okay, Momma!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You were right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God really is
helping her.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was reminded that day
of one reason why I went into educating young children; it doesn’t have to do
with what I teach them, but what they teach me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m thankful for the power of God, even in a place He is not “allowed.”</div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Melissa
slept in bed with me every night since I returned to TN.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>{Thanks for taking the couch, Ryan!}<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember us being especially emotional that
night, crying for Jesus to come, knowing that we were 8 days closer to seeing
him again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know if any of you
out there have lost a spouse, are blind as a bat, AND slept with the sibling of
your said spouse who looks an awful lot like them when your glasses are on, and
even more so when they are off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Wow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I lost my breath more than
once that week when I rolled over and saw her.</div>
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
following morning we prepared to head to Kansas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was fortunate to be able to ride with them
there and fly back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to leave Ollie
in TN with Brittany and Sophie, but I don’t think he minded :)<br />
<br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
Since we go through Dyersburg on
the way, we stopped by Youth Villages to see Bradford’s coworkers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were so kind and compassionate as they,
once again, told us how special he was to them and his clients.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Earlier in the week they had a group session
where each of “his kids” and their foster parents came together to talk about him,
discuss their difficulties with this loss, and write letters to me stating how
he impacted them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those were such
incredible gifts to receive and I’m so grateful they took the time to do
something so meaningful for me and his family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
I remember doing a lot of sleeping on that trip and taking a
bubble bath that night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We spent
Friday preparing for the Celebration of Life we were having in Bradford’s
memory the next day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We went shopping for some of his favorite things and I was able to have my hand in doing something creative to remember
and celebrate him {Remember, I was sad that I didn't have the time or energy to devote to anything like that for his funeral?!}.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here are some
pictures from it:</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I couldn’t help but miss him even more, considering how much
he would have loved to have been there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think he would have appreciated the cool touches that were so <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">him</i>, especially the Jalapeno Cheddar
Cheetos that everyone assumed were regular.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>OOPS! ;) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was great to be able
to see so many people from Kansas who loved him and his family and wanted to
express their sorrow to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think we
all agreed that it was helpful to be able to see so many from their church
family in this setting before attending worship services the next morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was nice to meet some people that I had
heard so much about but had never had the chance to meet before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I just wish he could have been there :(</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>One of
Bradford’s recent favorite movies was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Secret Life of Walter Mitty</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
watched it at Ryan and Melissa’s house and I was reminded of why he loved it so
much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was so <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">him!</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It made me feel
strangely close to him as I remembered the two of us going to see it in theater
and listening to him go on and on about how awesome he thought it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The next
day was Easter and Tyler’s birthday!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
did not seem like much of a holiday because we were all so exhausted and
emotionally drained.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe we’ll be in
better spirits next year, Tyler.<br />
After breakfast the next morning Dennis
and Carolyn took me to the airport. That was a tough goodbye. I love
these two more than they'll ever know!<br />
<br />
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I had a lot of time to think and read on my flights. I thought a lot
about how much I missed him, what all I wanted to talk to him about,
what will never be, and Heaven. I thought a LOT about Heaven...and how
badly I want to be there {like yesterday...}.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkybESTISb86MCJMiqMxMQr9Xr8BvrY3P8SDv3sDXuZ6_z07vC75P0Nte00BjOTwofIFTd3paXmR6TD1Pd8wDyWjeR1HhqI_mY8SIfjuS_1ZQnujgsy4hVeQm5i0QRXfBSWkIAGuT87y2b/s1600/17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkybESTISb86MCJMiqMxMQr9Xr8BvrY3P8SDv3sDXuZ6_z07vC75P0Nte00BjOTwofIFTd3paXmR6TD1Pd8wDyWjeR1HhqI_mY8SIfjuS_1ZQnujgsy4hVeQm5i0QRXfBSWkIAGuT87y2b/s1600/17.jpg" height="265" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These
are 2 of the books that I read on that trip and I've found them to be
VERY helpful. Remember the time my Daddy gave me amazing advice about
the things people would tell me in the days to come?! He learned that
in a seminar given by one of these authors, Don Williams.<br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I am so thankful for the week I had
with my in-laws.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s be honest…most of
my friends would have been crazy after 2 days with their spouses’ families, but
not me!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so blessed to not only get
the best guy for me, but to get an added bonus of his incredible family!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They will ALWAYS be my family and I’m so
grateful for them and their love.<br />
<br />
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brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3899822591416897150.post-47565372402382046302014-07-10T23:30:00.004-05:002014-07-10T23:30:57.208-05:00Two are Better than One...Year After Year<br />
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXoN_4Vf9vpfGjccOvuhKCJHWxgQo6askAAfuqyWMSRUJANJwRlWX7nWf1n2uJLApRUFb6OZpN8zGPMo6ocG7xq4NzlZz0sYgbWhty9Whyphenhyphen0NRReKIti66iXO6Vq8mTulOt-54k-LmNJXKS/s1600/.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXoN_4Vf9vpfGjccOvuhKCJHWxgQo6askAAfuqyWMSRUJANJwRlWX7nWf1n2uJLApRUFb6OZpN8zGPMo6ocG7xq4NzlZz0sYgbWhty9Whyphenhyphen0NRReKIti66iXO6Vq8mTulOt-54k-LmNJXKS/s1600/.jpg" height="200" width="160" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span class="object">July 10, 2014</span>.
The day I have been dreading all summer long. Future holidays with our families
will be difficult, but this holiday was OURS! HE is the only one who could
really celebrate it with me. I don’t really have a lot to say that will
be eloquent or meaningful to anyone but myself, but I want to take some time on the
first wedding anniversary that I'll spend without him to celebrate this date in
years past.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span class="object">July 10, 2010</span>
was a day greeted with MUCH anticipation and joy! We dreamed of it and
certainly counted the days. What an amazing concept, this marriage thing. It
takes two individuals and makes them into one, for better or worse. I'm
grateful ours was for the better :) It was a hot, humid day in south
MS...but it was the perfect day. OUR perfect day. I'm grateful for every memory
associated with it.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrai-FFTx9N9ND_Ey39cBc7RQTBETLY4O4__RbXf52m3v6xg-ZzkXm9qVag3rbfnVEHRwCjb7EYwaJDFif3xXaEkIpSI3YY70tBN46qWB5-uZQ0HLlZKLn8tV1lofQiKUaRkkNISctq2ua/s1600/Higgins153.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrai-FFTx9N9ND_Ey39cBc7RQTBETLY4O4__RbXf52m3v6xg-ZzkXm9qVag3rbfnVEHRwCjb7EYwaJDFif3xXaEkIpSI3YY70tBN46qWB5-uZQ0HLlZKLn8tV1lofQiKUaRkkNISctq2ua/s1600/Higgins153.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7MJFGruEduFgwzy8CSBFEeVgVMVIkWlzAKeItIdnMwSsZUEO5LbTnc5787xrpMnTGLSoYEaa7O4mfShwFmEEXWEd6TabYa39i2Ae1n-OiHYgwBsV5BaRl8lAdERIRxHRd-m8uoNajp5jO/s1600/Higgins151.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7MJFGruEduFgwzy8CSBFEeVgVMVIkWlzAKeItIdnMwSsZUEO5LbTnc5787xrpMnTGLSoYEaa7O4mfShwFmEEXWEd6TabYa39i2Ae1n-OiHYgwBsV5BaRl8lAdERIRxHRd-m8uoNajp5jO/s1600/Higgins151.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: .5in;">
He
gave me this precious Willow Tree figurine {I collect those} and I gave him
monogrammed cuff links.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<u><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><u><b>Here
are some of my favorite pictures from my favorite day:</b></u></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">
{photos by amanda scott photography} </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMfz89i6bwO4N_0m5Tt117jqT8ptMAG8hEh93CLCg3_o5Re-ggoUKtrwfxizYXruRTm1w8qcvJTH63GbHH9clLOatqSrXmjRRu97i25NeryRdMGPrL6o0mlqqfapWArinZJvyqU47dh7I6/s1600/Higgins058.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMfz89i6bwO4N_0m5Tt117jqT8ptMAG8hEh93CLCg3_o5Re-ggoUKtrwfxizYXruRTm1w8qcvJTH63GbHH9clLOatqSrXmjRRu97i25NeryRdMGPrL6o0mlqqfapWArinZJvyqU47dh7I6/s1600/Higgins058.jpg" height="200" width="133" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK-aj3ReIQWJdjATBOWD3iFj9q0gAo8H5S9NKNrqR7i8EM4s6zaWyO6Li7HQsLXAEKv3HjugDr2JHQPNKHK7tDObXmWK5OAIwydcidj6uQLVl27059KUF8UXoYpKfxIIfV3QWqf63IitP0/s1600/Higgins081.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjK-aj3ReIQWJdjATBOWD3iFj9q0gAo8H5S9NKNrqR7i8EM4s6zaWyO6Li7HQsLXAEKv3HjugDr2JHQPNKHK7tDObXmWK5OAIwydcidj6uQLVl27059KUF8UXoYpKfxIIfV3QWqf63IitP0/s1600/Higgins081.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3899822591416897150" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7sBoRSkNYeF5fpqzCGb22hsnSj_VmlWsWj8HDSoNab7RKfg_fJ_8hxe5H8qwDYgQAdl1ZFpcGYhmxwVm8tNVEoBICgw2Q4aGnDNiHX1ZMH_SNxY92qJSlc-_VS4kisR1iG12rOHP-Mg9o/s1600/Higgins082.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7sBoRSkNYeF5fpqzCGb22hsnSj_VmlWsWj8HDSoNab7RKfg_fJ_8hxe5H8qwDYgQAdl1ZFpcGYhmxwVm8tNVEoBICgw2Q4aGnDNiHX1ZMH_SNxY92qJSlc-_VS4kisR1iG12rOHP-Mg9o/s1600/Higgins082.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidtE6ezXLoVGnUZI1jAQWAHKN2JxBgb0P3VDW4QO1YCjvTauhJUkfhI0WEK7lkNoxjnKJzqbnW5wBMkRzlQztGqYTKCvbH_xJlw3bM-18SzcHbBfnccycC2iE_DxzqzMEFSHrnTzrzrEaZ/s1600/Higgins134.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidtE6ezXLoVGnUZI1jAQWAHKN2JxBgb0P3VDW4QO1YCjvTauhJUkfhI0WEK7lkNoxjnKJzqbnW5wBMkRzlQztGqYTKCvbH_xJlw3bM-18SzcHbBfnccycC2iE_DxzqzMEFSHrnTzrzrEaZ/s1600/Higgins134.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.</i></div>
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Mark 10: 7-9</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">BEST.DAY.EVER. </span></b></div>
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<span class="object">July 10, 2011</span>
was spent on an anniversary trip to Atlanta. We stopped and spent some time in
Chattanooga on the way. We ate at Cheeburger Cheeburger, walked around town,
and went to Ruby Falls. We had a lot of fun in the ATL going to Six Flags
and the water park. Bradford had gotten some free tickets to the movies through some kind of promotion at work for selling the most shoes {or something like that}. There wasn't a Regal theater near us so we used those while we were there.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh99ZdJTQ5OQIVoc_ondEp6g_026pJHQY7a2hMkdtVgDyaEr-6h1Eqkn_5Ng_qh11Mo2GRnqHsMULJkVDz56-3qe51G5X65YbbCoyKXfRYm5FC3eXbTnLzGluqg2Q-kQl5bV52j-pY_99j/s1600/photo+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh99ZdJTQ5OQIVoc_ondEp6g_026pJHQY7a2hMkdtVgDyaEr-6h1Eqkn_5Ng_qh11Mo2GRnqHsMULJkVDz56-3qe51G5X65YbbCoyKXfRYm5FC3eXbTnLzGluqg2Q-kQl5bV52j-pY_99j/s1600/photo+1.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
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One thing I learned about Bradford on this trip was that he laughed hysterically on roller coaster rides! Me screaming + him laughing = the most fun! What a fun trip :)</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our wedding cake was REALLY good!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><u><b>Traditional gift for 1<sup>st</sup>
Anniversary: Paper</b></u></span> </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCZDi5do-xjVWFxt7aD3ZQkhLsIQV5gH8xAzMCv9a4Unbt7fvrStuOv0XeK36zKNTnXym4z8Etl3SdrDloFAgA7vAZb856OT50BeCTZdnRL-gMxxCAH0_xow-eyUyAkjRNv9-1xL7e_Hfm/s1600/21.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCZDi5do-xjVWFxt7aD3ZQkhLsIQV5gH8xAzMCv9a4Unbt7fvrStuOv0XeK36zKNTnXym4z8Etl3SdrDloFAgA7vAZb856OT50BeCTZdnRL-gMxxCAH0_xow-eyUyAkjRNv9-1xL7e_Hfm/s1600/21.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We thought our tickets to
everything we went to COULD’VE counted, but that was kind of boring, so we
decided to have a caricature drawn of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We thought it kind of fit us <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">:)</span></span></td></tr>
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We went to dinner on July 10, 2012
and decided to wait and do our trip over Labor Day weekend that year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had a WONDERFUL dinner at Ruth’s Chris.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Funny story…we were kind of wowed that they
cook your steak on your plate in the oven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We even read the caution sign on the menu.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The waiter placed my plate before me…crooked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forgetting everything we just discussed, my OCD tendencies kicked in and I attempted
to straighten it, cooking through 5 layers of skin and leaving a permanent
scar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ok, so maybe it wasn’t THAT bad,
but it hurt worse than I could let out at this fancy restaurant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>BTW, they had the best $20 side salad I’ve
ever had.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqeePHAEbmQhdqhqfsGJQ4CuE98jTRrCMqgTq2_T2LsdEDoUXan1jTk_aFQ1vjs7eak8221g1pPtWMskqtmcQj8QWjIsxLpB2R3q4YwpQvT6fSWYQNEBemb2TP6epElBN1sFuGYnn21W_h/s1600/photo+3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqeePHAEbmQhdqhqfsGJQ4CuE98jTRrCMqgTq2_T2LsdEDoUXan1jTk_aFQ1vjs7eak8221g1pPtWMskqtmcQj8QWjIsxLpB2R3q4YwpQvT6fSWYQNEBemb2TP6epElBN1sFuGYnn21W_h/s1600/photo+3.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><u><b>Traditional gift for 2<sup>nd</sup>
Anniversary: Cotton</b></u></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGOVSZWaYQ8zIE4eFDRdRuVKJslS2t3fbGBmgjuu9B8myM83uNDXNX77vzrJVpiacbSmmZcBhUMU9eUL8tK3WS0kMwtXJjd_ShJMYpdeKPfv9acPu1PF614cVJ2VDoeKIxwycn7aFHMC0I/s1600/22.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGOVSZWaYQ8zIE4eFDRdRuVKJslS2t3fbGBmgjuu9B8myM83uNDXNX77vzrJVpiacbSmmZcBhUMU9eUL8tK3WS0kMwtXJjd_ShJMYpdeKPfv9acPu1PF614cVJ2VDoeKIxwycn7aFHMC0I/s1600/22.jpg" /></a></div>
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He knew how much I loved chevron
and purses, so he got me a chevron purse!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Obviously, he had to get a Manchester United shirt <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">:)</span></span></div>
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During the summer of 2013, I spent
a month traveling around TN preparing and training teachers on the Common Core State Standards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our anniversary fell on my first week of
presenting as a Core Coach and I was out of town in Savannah, TN (about 2 hours
away).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We decided we would wait and celebrate the
following weekend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> PSHHHH</span>!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once I got back to my room for the day I called him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We decided we just couldn’t take it and HAD
to see each other!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Guess what just
happened to be {pretty close to} smack dab in the middle of us?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good ol’ Henderson, TN...the place we first laid eyes on each other at FHU. We met and had dinner at a Mexican restaurant
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was really unusual but kind of
cool to have to make plans to see him for dinner like that, knowing we would
part ways soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Absence does make the
heart grow fonder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>{Truly. I thought I understood this then.}</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCYvdSSVOvlrOVRxEJRByK_IfPrIAk1mG6W6AXcq3jUU_sKRwUGS2gldBYPVWkHtE0SHrN7Pu5hVqLeyhxlmgsZrnw8C5hjMRbvDoN1nBNUVUzwtFnMJ-iJkgE5oe43CA-wJgFIiN54-Oo/s1600/West+Chester-20130710-00800.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCYvdSSVOvlrOVRxEJRByK_IfPrIAk1mG6W6AXcq3jUU_sKRwUGS2gldBYPVWkHtE0SHrN7Pu5hVqLeyhxlmgsZrnw8C5hjMRbvDoN1nBNUVUzwtFnMJ-iJkgE5oe43CA-wJgFIiN54-Oo/s1600/West+Chester-20130710-00800.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He got me that dress for my birthday.</td></tr>
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After dinner he told me he had
another place he wanted to take me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Since we did not date when we were at Freed we never went on a “Shell
date,” so that’s exactly where we went! Baskin Robbins never tasted as good
with any other dates, anyways.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><u><b><span style="font-size: large;">Traditional gift for 3rd Anniversary: Leather</span></b></u></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI6X_UWpznO_uliLuQsvj5ngP_WnhwLIG3Davj-pCRJxCBvTz-lItEema-YG1KPS4j73ol7DI1a7POeIiQ3TKBLrcEBthTuS_Hkoo5UwsLNePV367aHLpcIOVvv8hTL1tUPG8eAu5czyDR/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI6X_UWpznO_uliLuQsvj5ngP_WnhwLIG3Davj-pCRJxCBvTz-lItEema-YG1KPS4j73ol7DI1a7POeIiQ3TKBLrcEBthTuS_Hkoo5UwsLNePV367aHLpcIOVvv8hTL1tUPG8eAu5czyDR/s1600/1.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Isn't this wallet so cute?! I kind of broke tradition and got him a revolver for his "anniversary / sorry I've gotta be out of town so much this summer" gift. I had good intentions of getting him a leather holster for it, but that seemed a little too <i>Gunsmoke</i> for me.</td></tr>
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Something that is weird but we
thought was kind of cool is that we always got a newspaper from whatever city
we were in on our anniversary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When
cleaning up the office a few months ago I decided that the front page of these
papers would probably suffice. I would never have enough room to store all of these silly newspapers over the years...</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Now, here I am…July 10, 2014.</span></div>
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I spent a lot of time trying to decide how I would spend the day today. I can't even describe the anxiety, fear, and sadness I experienced yesterday in anticipation of today. The day started by driving out to the bike memorial in Trenton, TN at sunrise.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCi0PbdqWv3tjGMTVcaEC4JThIdEOyrlv2FLdXex_a6QMGfMnWvsWaa3zPlo-unGrsZTvjDdWzv7YgUXzUxaaLBtE6QfKpcp0nqVATC3_6JQDW-aIZb4TZAAQElvGL17H4-THxAdXov2uw/s1600/3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCi0PbdqWv3tjGMTVcaEC4JThIdEOyrlv2FLdXex_a6QMGfMnWvsWaa3zPlo-unGrsZTvjDdWzv7YgUXzUxaaLBtE6QfKpcp0nqVATC3_6JQDW-aIZb4TZAAQElvGL17H4-THxAdXov2uw/s1600/3.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>And just what does the traditional 4th Anniversary gift happen to be?! </b></span></div>
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<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJErXNFYW_cL9xMp2-QOcET-LYFU01a5isknyTf0gHwjGGHRqJWnHa2ZZcgPV7590JRGWg7FD5IQ8L-T_iOXub_GkkoihwGmFxnmzMUADhAGyMyyQP5XNSFANlUkDr2iQdOYoh3nRmzgSo/s1600/2.jpg" /> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">You guessed it...FLOWERS!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijNEE3lBg0sdRGKDC0gJ8DlHO1eqylNJCp7EWNyUApMRZyAUk_4KmOEc9eFloHyDjS3qlboH0bZi3bPlDcqLfH2aOaFk9w9VSXVx3RPaOhJy99JH8gBAHK9oOu_L8exifBB9vSDz50P6IF/s1600/4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijNEE3lBg0sdRGKDC0gJ8DlHO1eqylNJCp7EWNyUApMRZyAUk_4KmOEc9eFloHyDjS3qlboH0bZi3bPlDcqLfH2aOaFk9w9VSXVx3RPaOhJy99JH8gBAHK9oOu_L8exifBB9vSDz50P6IF/s1600/4.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTizq915wLYjVUuABgzgYKXYw_N2Wi91UM6nR1z5uCg9CzBlR-G061q7JpCJI6ENIQ6EOAWBGBdmVgO-0JPeKqYKyqG9zWGp1kisrkZsG_advPX-AE0EQ_HW_V3NZWSzeKNMGoGVL8CXhJ/s1600/5.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></div>
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Ok, so I HAD to do the cheesy fake rose in the mix with a note saying that I would love him until the last flower dies. It's true :) </div>
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There was a sweet little ladybug on the bike.</div>
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Once I left the memorial, I trucked it back to Brownsville to pick up my next flower arrangement and Stacie before heading to the cemetery.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLLnAMrXKbqZnkFpE_9whYCKlPE_Ui4uymsv5cePxzpWsspUIIQ7_6jEzaXOd2GH4ZAGJeI50LZwX3vKvPGdmplyiHzIjVbv3Uq1lnFAhII0aDJR0KPvpITQz7ZAsHR-PqwOzxv6SM6Ecg/s1600/11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLLnAMrXKbqZnkFpE_9whYCKlPE_Ui4uymsv5cePxzpWsspUIIQ7_6jEzaXOd2GH4ZAGJeI50LZwX3vKvPGdmplyiHzIjVbv3Uq1lnFAhII0aDJR0KPvpITQz7ZAsHR-PqwOzxv6SM6Ecg/s1600/11.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">FYI, the vases these flowers are in are from our wedding. They lined the aisle that I walked down as a Miss and back up as a MRS.! :)</td></tr>
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Every year {excluding last year} we watched our wedding dvd on our anniversary. My Timehop from 2 years ago says <i>I love watching our wedding video...we laugh, I cry, and we laugh some more! Such fun memories!</i> I won't lie. I was nervous about this. Really. Really. Nervous. It was so emotional to watch it. There are little things that I had forgotten, and there were many more things that meant so much to me. Ralph told us that if we kept Christ as the center of our relationship and kept Him first, death is the only thing that would separate us. Wow. The looks on our faces showed that we didn't even consider that possibility. I still can't even fathom that reality. Very surreal.<br />
Another gift I gave Bradford on our wedding day was a journal that I kept since we started "talking." In it was every Facebook message and email we sent throughout our relationship, along with personal thoughts along the way. I'm thankful to have this documentation of our relationship. Reading through some of it today made me sad, but it mostly made me happy to have experienced this love. Everyone thinks THEIR love is the most unique and special. I KNOW ours was ;)<br />
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Boy, can I relate to that sentiment now.</div>
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{sorry...I can NOT get this picture to rotate!}</div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
Stacie surprised me with flowers for my anniversary yesterday. Aren't they so pretty?! Thank you for the flowers and going out there with me today, Stacie. You never know what you're gonna get with me these days, and you continue to show your bravery. It's amazing to have friends that you can totally be yourself with, constantly lift you up, and that can literally have your back as you do your thing in the cemetery. I love you! P.S. Extra thanks for getting out of bed so early, too!</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><u><b>GET ME OUT OF HERE! IT'S TIME FOR A ROAD TRIP!</b></u></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My sweet friend Taylor planned a trip to go see her dad in Georgia and invited me to come along.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH2Gk_Bd3ddj9qc8c69SwZcHctZxmwvaLARPOdjV4zxPyrbMC-vdGAG7wJdLbQGy1VFzPx3WU-hBS2RyMpsyGWT8bKugC-b6Eyy4FY8anpL1e7NmwP7qwuqwQHNBwyepy3k8_qBmB5VYxC/s1600/16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH2Gk_Bd3ddj9qc8c69SwZcHctZxmwvaLARPOdjV4zxPyrbMC-vdGAG7wJdLbQGy1VFzPx3WU-hBS2RyMpsyGWT8bKugC-b6Eyy4FY8anpL1e7NmwP7qwuqwQHNBwyepy3k8_qBmB5VYxC/s1600/16.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Taylor and my "niece," Millie :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLIS-J9FqUAJEsjz-NP0RRpRbiZduioV3C_VZajNgnGxUiD7aadvryn0WOJQMpNVUgqqG6kIRIOt7GL7_5mdTOR3k6JXK5AItaUlrKflBvizkRp9BygOoufAYYI_1hQYuQW30uDP1b6Ru5/s1600/17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLIS-J9FqUAJEsjz-NP0RRpRbiZduioV3C_VZajNgnGxUiD7aadvryn0WOJQMpNVUgqqG6kIRIOt7GL7_5mdTOR3k6JXK5AItaUlrKflBvizkRp9BygOoufAYYI_1hQYuQW30uDP1b6Ru5/s1600/17.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Of course Ollie had to come! {Bless his heart...he doesn't know WHERE his home is anymore!}</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7WSxWZePg35cnoWY7DJ9FqCJqd7wwHqOLet2lQs11fcDQySH6OLDkm8qWjaAJFo0xdLkxQU3Lb-zaWdl5r6jLnD9Kx_ja6iBS0uXU4qlQCyqFYLAI8oD5mv-yo0QZM7fkZW1Gg1vBi2QK/s1600/18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7WSxWZePg35cnoWY7DJ9FqCJqd7wwHqOLet2lQs11fcDQySH6OLDkm8qWjaAJFo0xdLkxQU3Lb-zaWdl5r6jLnD9Kx_ja6iBS0uXU4qlQCyqFYLAI8oD5mv-yo0QZM7fkZW1Gg1vBi2QK/s1600/18.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love this girl SO much!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcb65i7dKfUZzX9jJvYhssfFGz6p4ucSPcgXc-2qo4P0m47gjrCFzPrmQ0MinMOgUM4lWU1mvLpTQ6q6FFxfDkCNq5Uxg4xiwsYIsx0EDuRonG4mwYDDejPahxTLaFSACD4C0Gqu3qTE4l/s1600/20.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcb65i7dKfUZzX9jJvYhssfFGz6p4ucSPcgXc-2qo4P0m47gjrCFzPrmQ0MinMOgUM4lWU1mvLpTQ6q6FFxfDkCNq5Uxg4xiwsYIsx0EDuRonG4mwYDDejPahxTLaFSACD4C0Gqu3qTE4l/s1600/20.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ollie thinks he can just roam wherever he pleases. And he can. :)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJDJMEJLUb0XjCj0ZAZRhLK6ItbyRdjbUXrUqqp8fhRkxGle8kYxDzLeEM9b3lpWcFJDAsZAgYO-inl4e4WrPwvoMK9nv0RQ1Wwyfeamalg3qemKPE54pZVpFfkNGxQa0ioCCJMVFmKmbM/s1600/19.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJDJMEJLUb0XjCj0ZAZRhLK6ItbyRdjbUXrUqqp8fhRkxGle8kYxDzLeEM9b3lpWcFJDAsZAgYO-inl4e4WrPwvoMK9nv0RQ1Wwyfeamalg3qemKPE54pZVpFfkNGxQa0ioCCJMVFmKmbM/s1600/19.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Taylor made me an anniversary cake. We got chocolate wasted ;)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Taylor, thank you so much for everything you are for me. You hit high notes by Mariah and are always prepared with peanut butter M&Ms. You are an incredible voice of reason and provide much needed validation for me. I am truly blessed to have you in my life, today and every day. I love you! :)<br />
<br />
THANK YOU to everyone who took time out of their day to call, text, or message me today. It was a tough and emotionally draining day, but it was amazing to be reminded of the support system that I have. I am sad. I am hurting. But boy am I blessed.<br />
<br />
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<i>To everything there
is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, And a
time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; A time to
kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; A time
to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; A time to
cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to
refrain from embracing; A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And
a time to throw away; A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep
silence, And a time to speak; A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of
war, And a time of peace. </i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NKJV)</i><br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Oh yeah...did I mention that my
baby brother, Tyler, was to be <span class="object"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT59_com_zimbra_date"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT56_com_zimbra_date">wed</span></span></span> the next day?
And that Janna {his bride-to-be} and Ms. Lori {my otha motha & the caterer}
were there for the visitation <span class="object"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT60_com_zimbra_date"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT57_com_zimbra_date">Thursday</span></span></span> and the
funeral on <span class="object"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT61_com_zimbra_date"><span id="OBJ_PREFIX_DWT58_com_zimbra_date">Friday</span></span></span>?! This is a
prime example of actions speaking louder than words. I love you, Janna, and am
so thankful you were there with us.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB9OEuAqu_BVB9c7zG-8dQanVdyOVos2Jkr0DXMz5Bn2UhkxRfjEAutS8OTyAF0bOPkTR3adhcG2Co6QDxcn3GAdWOiVIpOd70BwBggZOZlgSQU7lrmbh9GZTJltx3mTmerzYZOt3NZrxo/s1600/9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB9OEuAqu_BVB9c7zG-8dQanVdyOVos2Jkr0DXMz5Bn2UhkxRfjEAutS8OTyAF0bOPkTR3adhcG2Co6QDxcn3GAdWOiVIpOd70BwBggZOZlgSQU7lrmbh9GZTJltx3mTmerzYZOt3NZrxo/s1600/9.jpg" height="198" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Stacie and I left straight
from the cemetery to head down to the rehearsal dinner. I wish so badly that I
would have been able to be in two places at once. It was incredibly special to
have so many friends and extended family in town and I would have loved more
time to catch up with them at our house. Luckily I was beyond the point of
feeling like I had to be in control of anything because I couldn't begin to
tell you who all was in our home or what happened while I was gone {except for
a minor plumbing issue that I didn't find out about until my return home ;) }
I'm thankful the Higgins were there to "entertain" our out of town
guests and were willing and able to watch Ollie while I was gone. I missed him
terribly but knew he was in good hands.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It was so strange to leave my
husband’s funeral and head to my brother’s wedding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We stopped at Popeye’s on the way {one of
Bradford’s favs}.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That may have been the
first meal I actually ate that week. The trip down was amazing in the fact that
I had 5 or so hours to just sit and breathe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If I needed to talk, cry, whatever…Stacie was just the chauffeur.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll be the first to tell you that wasn’t an
easy task!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you, Stacie, for being
whatever I needed you to be on that trip. For letting me tell you random
memories. For being my shoulder to cry on. For listening to funny voicemails
with me {“You must be planning it with Daniel.” “Please bring the hand cream
from Norwegia…my hands are super dry and I just need some kind of relief”}<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OH, how I miss that crazy guy! We OBVIOUSLY had to stop by Whataburger to get a malt and shake :)</div>
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd9q3Kxk1tF1NEAJfizoHG8IRpchwwLD0apb6nspq-SIBobqwTZGo5u1DA1vFDT1AHq8pLWwkLCbg5VPtNKq6R93qWOm3ZVCpKH-vO4_fNgyT7jw6B5PF_NdXZS1MYSxnlmus_G5cEOZeO/s1600/4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd9q3Kxk1tF1NEAJfizoHG8IRpchwwLD0apb6nspq-SIBobqwTZGo5u1DA1vFDT1AHq8pLWwkLCbg5VPtNKq6R93qWOm3ZVCpKH-vO4_fNgyT7jw6B5PF_NdXZS1MYSxnlmus_G5cEOZeO/s1600/4.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiWeTLoMW50zWAcP1zEKYeSCzmw2iV5aKY-WVypVYMngor7aNIeQh1wRi2qLtfverUJlhmN9xd1bYGAJc8ler14aP0oxEk8KUv1J-dAzFi0pRUQ0-qjwlKK18UD67pKbksezAdvAfrEZrI/s1600/5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiWeTLoMW50zWAcP1zEKYeSCzmw2iV5aKY-WVypVYMngor7aNIeQh1wRi2qLtfverUJlhmN9xd1bYGAJc8ler14aP0oxEk8KUv1J-dAzFi0pRUQ0-qjwlKK18UD67pKbksezAdvAfrEZrI/s1600/5.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></div>
We finally made it to the dinner at
Janna’s parents’ house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First of all, it
was like a fairy tale…dimly lit out under the great MS pines.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was incredible!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tyler announced how thankful they were for
everyone to be there and to be a part of their big day and passed out gifts to
their wedding party.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Receiving Bradford’s
was pretty emotional.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was probably
just the week before that Janna texted me to ask what his initials were.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhucVmaYAvjXxULV5dYT8O3dGFDaG5NaPdblFXF4oMp0g4g9D_Xw5BkTFPOmRnDLsDlpR66fqHPnnKcogRbiLvlars0zPOKBKjIbfn2VKpD6RWfDkVdEsfF_go9gVaQ5UE5tYcMsZMqjVFf/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhucVmaYAvjXxULV5dYT8O3dGFDaG5NaPdblFXF4oMp0g4g9D_Xw5BkTFPOmRnDLsDlpR66fqHPnnKcogRbiLvlars0zPOKBKjIbfn2VKpD6RWfDkVdEsfF_go9gVaQ5UE5tYcMsZMqjVFf/s1600/1.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></div>
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Tyler and
Janna came up to me and said they wanted to do something in memory of Bradford
but only if I was ok with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were
going to release lanterns!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I LOVED the
idea!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a cool thing to do…AND in
Bradford’s memory?!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Groovy!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kind of felt like I was on The Bachelorette
because it was something they did on an episode we watched.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>{Yes, he was THAT husband!}<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQoNZOY2ED9yyoCrfDSJZIIMZ0vg-ijCM36IqlZOsMJacsUd5mQ5yUhFmEhLcuo3YEaUnZD2hCBWv4aLrAP8cDZ_XqJEEOC-mcdABHn4KJpgx6KHHI-IlZliSMuWU__w44opGVtlvb8YQt/s1600/6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQoNZOY2ED9yyoCrfDSJZIIMZ0vg-ijCM36IqlZOsMJacsUd5mQ5yUhFmEhLcuo3YEaUnZD2hCBWv4aLrAP8cDZ_XqJEEOC-mcdABHn4KJpgx6KHHI-IlZliSMuWU__w44opGVtlvb8YQt/s1600/6.jpg" height="400" width="400" /> </a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The next morning Stacie and I went
to get pedicures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve had my feet
rubbed up on innumerable times…but there was NOTHING like the pedi I got that
morning!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The lavender, the paraffin wax,
ahh…it was JUST what the doctor ordered!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoc9mWcAmsFbi_uxK_GaylAofzXOXqe0eguWIV8NFoaWKJY8SUi3sQTWLErw0DnbnXNdhCFv5Xkp2fBHpmKRJC6wmw9zjJQQoAeljOkhXQWxjZ6M0Mn4fSZQJoH_RtzmIYqMD6WBLybOtM/s1600/3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoc9mWcAmsFbi_uxK_GaylAofzXOXqe0eguWIV8NFoaWKJY8SUi3sQTWLErw0DnbnXNdhCFv5Xkp2fBHpmKRJC6wmw9zjJQQoAeljOkhXQWxjZ6M0Mn4fSZQJoH_RtzmIYqMD6WBLybOtM/s1600/3.jpg" height="200" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That awkward moment when you try to sneak a pic of your foot
in wax and forget that your volume is turned up loud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>{CLICK!}</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2vndhwQKdL7WYgVARXtm2gtCLG_sG5e7sKhYmCUVFXbPsoFNvs37o10pIJecf2fRX8AUolHOR3RDTses4inpwe6a-cVNuRJ6Kmo-WNe0XBju_qAxPaLOPdub9e7kcJHEDIwZ_SjIjcpoS/s1600/7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2vndhwQKdL7WYgVARXtm2gtCLG_sG5e7sKhYmCUVFXbPsoFNvs37o10pIJecf2fRX8AUolHOR3RDTses4inpwe6a-cVNuRJ6Kmo-WNe0XBju_qAxPaLOPdub9e7kcJHEDIwZ_SjIjcpoS/s1600/7.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></div>
Before the wedding I pulled Tyler aside to give him a special gift. The first year I brought Bradford home for Christmas, Tyler's gift to him came in a McDonald's bag. A freshly wrapped cheeseburger WALLET! I thought he might need something to keep that cash in on the honeymoon :) And let me ease any inquiring minds...YES BRADFORD USED IT! Mostly around Tyler, though.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I was pretty nervous about how I would
manage during the wedding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was
obviously the first one I would attend without him, and, honestly, weddings
were always so much more emotional for me since becoming a bride myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything about their wedding was absolutely gorgeous!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The bride and groom, the attendants, the
pews, the flowers, the sunshine…everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The preacher began the ceremony by reading from Ecclesiastes 3 and
noting the tragedy of losing Bradford.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What a touching, yet surreal, moment.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dy53BtumL4RBagaBaPPAwXeiqkkWGxxkinfXB910kqTDF_oXnVOpSbUWH9VNtzVShh_zIftohFjaKwR89YDow' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I LOVED that Tyler
represented Bradford by doing his signature “nod” move!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks for that, Tyler.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You would’ve totally gotten a neck hug or
pelvis hug out of that one <span style="font-family: Wingdings;">:) </span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Here are a few
pictures from the day:</div>
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</div>
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<span id="goog_1282809368"></span><span id="goog_1282809369"></span><br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
THE POWER OF PRAYER.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Nothing short of God our Father
above got me through that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
CONFIDENT that it was the prayers of so many that helped me endure that time
without him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He helped me by giving me a
joyful occasion in which to embrace many people who might’ve otherwise crumbled
upon seeing me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He gave us a beautiful
day to witness the bond He instituted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He gave me happy memories of my own wedding day, remembering how blessed
I felt to have this man forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would
not have been there, or even off of the ground in my front yard, if it was not
for the power of prayer and the hope the Lord has given us. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The following morning we went to
church at Kensington Woods Church of Christ.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can’t BEGIN to tell you how much I miss the brethren there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This congregation helped to provide the
foundation my faith needed and continues to encourage me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will express to all of you what I shared
with the assembly that morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
experiencing such sorrow and pain and need prayers to continue in my day to day
life without him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has been and will
continue to be a very difficult road to travel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I also want my brothers and sisters to add more specifics when lifting
me up to the Father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been very
deliberate and persistent in my prayers for the past couple of years,
especially this past one, to be aware of opportunities I have to share the
gospel with others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want to be
caught up in myself, my own selfish desires or foolish ways, and miss any
chance to increase the Kingdom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I in <u>NO
WAY </u>believe that God made this accident happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He is not in the business of intentionally hurting His children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although it has been an unimaginable nightmare
I fully trust that He can use this tragedy in a number of ways to teach us
valuable lessons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>{I wish so badly that
this wouldn’t have happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is such
an overwhelmingly intense hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
just not fair <span style="font-family: Wingdings;">:( </span>}
He has shown us how quickly our lives can end…with no warning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We may not have tomorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We may not even have another breath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>WE MUST BE READY.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And as Christians, we must help others to be
ready, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although my body is
suffering from a type of exhaustion I never knew existed, my spirit has been
renewed and revitalized with greater purpose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If I’m going to be exhausted, I want to be exhausted for His cause.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to pray too much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to study too much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to dig deeply in His Word with others
too much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want too many people in the
church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to see too many people I know
and love in heaven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Death is only the beginning of
everything I’m living my life for.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
brother, Bradley, shared this verse of a song with me recently and I LOVE
IT!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It truly is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People have been there to help me in amazing
ways over these past 3 months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They have
done things that I physically have not been able to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to continue in my Christian walk by
giving back to others by sharing the hope that is in me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please know that I would love to share more
about this with you. I want to help you on your journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to spend eternity with God, Bradford,
and YOU!</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh80ZYMoFX_lo1CPxC5JJaHqKxdsR37O2Ob-k1LL28QJCinO7KqfzydeWX8j2foV7ZvraeDZgXEIZoK0qjsUyx57G2v39dmbpwhx_359PHbC_ApT6rOHcb8ff9OIULEmA4ShwJDM6FO8HPT/s1600/is+this+real+life.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh80ZYMoFX_lo1CPxC5JJaHqKxdsR37O2Ob-k1LL28QJCinO7KqfzydeWX8j2foV7ZvraeDZgXEIZoK0qjsUyx57G2v39dmbpwhx_359PHbC_ApT6rOHcb8ff9OIULEmA4ShwJDM6FO8HPT/s1600/is+this+real+life.JPG" height="178" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<i> It is God who arms me with strength, And makes my way perfect. </i>(Psalms 18:32 NKJV)<br />
<br />
The fog was
pretty thick over the next several days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Every move I made {and still make} and every conversation I had {and
still have} seemed so surreal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>{Is this
real life?!}<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember MAKING
myself breathe because it wasn’t happening very well naturally.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Moments
after I had gotten out of the shower and Stacie had gotten back to my house
there was a knock on the door—and thus began the love and encouragement from
friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jeanna {the funeral director’s
wife} and our friend Amanda came over soon after hearing the news.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jeanna was with Jody when he was told he
needed to have someone come and get Bradford.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can still see Jeanna’s face and hands as she told me how she expressed
to him that he was MY husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was thankful
to have people there with me…to experience the sadness with me…to sit in shock
and disbelief with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was also
thankful to have a couple of smiles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it seems impossible to muster up even a semblance of a grin after the night I’d
just had, you just don’t know Amanda and Jeanna. ;)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I gathered
a few things, my sweet Ollie baby, and headed to Stacie’s for the night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We got out paper and a pen and started making
a plan for what needed to be done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
needed to call so many people, but it was after 1am at this point {I think?!}.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would call them first thing in the morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I actually texted several people to call me
as soon as they got the text, no matter what time.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: yellow;">
<u><br /></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: yellow;"> <b> </b></span><b><u><span style="color: blue;">I NEED TO
TAKE A TIME-OUT</span></u></b> and say that there really needs to be a rule book with
guidelines on what needs to be done in the moments following this type of
devastation, not that I would have ever read it prior to that night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were a few things in which I didn’t
know what the protocol should be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve
already called my immediate family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I
call and wake my friends?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And cause them
not to sleep?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knowing they can’t do
anything to “fix” this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or do I let them
rest because I’m sure going to need them?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I chose the latter.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I “went to
bed” around 2:30.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember being
in that foreign, dark room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Without
him.</i></b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went from sobbing to
shock and a mixture of everything in between multiple times in the hours to
come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never slept that night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My body was totally exhausted but didn’t even
begin to try falling asleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Taylor and
Sami Jo both called me in the wee early hours of the morning and I told them
the news.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They couldn’t sleep and eventually
made it over to Stacie’s to be with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was so strange.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was at my best friend’s
house…telling my best friends from college…about my BEST friend’s death.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I drank my 1<sup>st</sup>
Diet Coke in 4 months that morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
it was so bad/good.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Natalie and
Brittany came over before the sun came up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We cried as I relived the night with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although I was in such a deep, dark place, I can
remember a moment that I looked around the room and saw my closest friends
gathered around me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Friends who have
spent countless hours laughing and rejoicing with me were now weeping with
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Words can’t express how blessed I am
to have these girls {There will be a future post on just HOW blessed I am to
have them!}.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Only one of
these ladies went to work that day {and I KNOW it’s only because she didn’t
have a choice}.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They took the day off
and we eventually went to my house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Operation Clean the Higgins’ Home was about to begin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to warn them that there was no
telling what they were about to walk into.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was the first moment of many in which I felt that I needed help with something
I could not do myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From now on when I
need to do some tidying up, I’m totally calling my “Merry Maids” friends to
help a sister out!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They got it done
quickly and with little to no verbalizing what hoarders we might or might not
have been.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">THANKS</b> for everything!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Although it
was such a sorrowful day, I don’t know how to adequately express how overwhelmingly
blessed I felt having so many friends, acquaintances, church members, and
family members in our home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were
countless tears shed, plates of food brought, paper goods used, Kleenexes
thrown away, and warm embraces shared within those 4 walls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a place of intense sadness, but it was
also a place overflowing with love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b>I am
so grateful for every act of kindness and every prayer lifted up on our
families’ behalf. THANK YOU a hundred times over!</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My parents,
brothers {Bradley and Tyler}, and Lauren {Bradley’s fiancé} arrived around
lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so grateful to have them
SAFELY there with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were so many
hugs I received that day, but there is nothing in this world like a Momma hug.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bradford’s parents, Dennis and Carolyn,
arrived a little while later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The mother
and father of the man I loved were there with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">And he wasn’t</i></b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a slap in the face from reality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I honestly think I blocked those first few
moments with them from my mind because of the intensity of the pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I needed ALL of our families there with me
from the moment I found out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We loved
and missed our families every day and were always so happy to have them with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a bitterly bittersweet encounter.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My dad
stayed at the house while the rest of our families went to the funeral home to
make arrangements.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Make
arrangements.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For my husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just so surreal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all gathered around the table and discussed
the things that would take place in the days to come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt nauseous the whole time because there
was no way this was really happening to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This only happens to other people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was easy for me to get caught up in my own sadness, but I found
myself imagining what it would be like to be in others’ shoes throughout this
visit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His poor mom and dad, burying
their only son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My parents, saying
goodbye their favorite son-in-law.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
brothers, laying their brother to rest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
poor little Lauren over there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a
horrible and terrifying experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Jody Lea is a class-act in his
profession.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t imagine a more
devastating and emotional experience, but he made it the easiest and best it
could be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It takes a special person to
be in his line of work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am grateful
for his kind and tender spirit as he listened to our wants and needs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He went above and beyond.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This conversation was really difficult, but
not as painful as it had been the night before with someone who should NOT be in this line of
work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He recommended
that we have a closed casket visitation and funeral.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How could I even bear that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seemed so wild that I would never have the
chance to see my Hun’s face again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
asked him if I could at least see his hands just so I could know it was him…
That didn’t really sound like a possibility either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There we sat…in a deeper level of disbelief.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We made our
way to the casket room {yes, there is actually a room with samples of the
options you have}.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was pretty weird
that I walked in and knew immediately which one would be his.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe the lighting in the room is set up to
draw people that way, but it just seemed like the perfect one for him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was very earthy; wooden and carved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no doubt in my mind that is the one
he would have chosen for himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m just
glad the rest of the family agreed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As if my
heart could be any more broken, his sisters arrived, shattering it into a
million more pieces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those 3 had such a
close kinship and it hurt so much to see and share their pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It really is difficult for me to remember
much else from that evening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Carolyn’s
family has several burial plots in Memphis, so she, Dennis, and I met with the
folks there Thursday morning to make arrangements for his funeral the following
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ve had a lot of great adventures
together and had plans for many more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This wasn’t exactly in those plans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In fact, when they were visiting 2 weekends before, I wondered how in
the WORLD I would be able to be there for him when his parents passed
away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t imagine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Anyways, we discussed various unreal things on the way, namely the
funeral {the who, what, where business}.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My gut still hurts even thinking about how painful that was and still
is.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Glenda went
to Trenton, cleaned out his car, and brought all of his belongings from the
police department to me that afternoon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Receiving his keys is probably the most vivid memory I have from that
dreadful day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again, I’m so grateful she
was so strong and brave to do something none of us could have done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you, Glenda and Stacie, for all you did
and for our pow wow in the bathroom {the only private place in my house}. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I won’t ever forget it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As I got
ready to go to the visitation, I noticed Ollie curled up on the couch all by
himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was the moment I knew that
he was aware of his Poppa being gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ollie waited for Bradford on the couch every single night and I totally
lost it as I told him that he wasn’t going to be coming back to our house
anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>{I am completely serious when I
say I don’t know how people explain to their children that they’ve lost their
father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t even get the words
out with a dog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A DOG!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our dog…}</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We saw Jody
by the side doors when we pulled up to go inside the funeral home. He asked me
if I knew that the casket was open.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>OPEN!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was the first I had
heard of it so I had him close it so I could come inside and talk with Bradford's parents about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The previous day we
all decided we would have his uncle to view him beforehand and let us know
whether or not it would be a good idea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
I CAN’T IMAGINE HOW I
WOULD BE COPING NOW IF I HADN’T SEEN HIM!</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
It already seems
unreal enough as it is, and I saw him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
touched him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b>Overwhelmed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amazed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Impressed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Heartbroken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thankful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Saddened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Blessed.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
There aren’t enough words to
describe what I recall about the night of the visitation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We saw SO many people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We expected many of them who came, but I was amazed
by the multitude that showed up to pay their respects and offer
condolences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was tough to see so many
that knew and loved him in such a depressing situation, but it was also amazing
to hear of the impact that he made on so many.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What a legacy he left behind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve
KNOWN my life was forever changed the moment he became a part of it, but it was
awesome to hear the same from others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was a long night, but it actually went by really quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The comparison I’m about to make is kind of strange,
but it was kind of like on our wedding day when we were only able to briefly
converse with those who were nearest and dearest to us.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My lack of
sleep was starting to take its toll on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was so exhausted, but I had so much to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was so much I wanted and needed to
do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was feeling guilty because I had
not had the time to “create” anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
did not have the time to make a cool board with pictures of him or cut out any
of his signature phrases with my Cricut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was all I could do to gather up some pictures for the slideshow and collect
various frames and memorabilia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did
not even sit down to write what I wanted to have said at his funeral until
2am!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was simply no time, and like I
said, exhaustion was setting in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have
to give a shout out to my sweet daddy who proofread it for me whenever I woke
him up upon completing it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>April 11,
2014 was a continuation of the night before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We had an hour or so of visitation before the funeral.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was ASTOUNDED by the number of people that I
saw, knowing the distance that many of them traveled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether people trekked across town or across
the nation, I was touched by each one there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We’ve been blessed with an incredible number of people who love us and
our families.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I don’t
really want to write much about his funeral other than I think it was exactly
how he would have planned it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was
formal and it was informal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was
unbearable and hysterical.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was
talk of our Savior and Manchester United. It seems ironic for me to even think
of his funeral as beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here I go
again with this beautiful ache…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I laid {who
I always referred to as} my MOST fav to rest that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t remember anything that was said at
his graveside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will never forget
seeing him lowered into the ground, leaving enough room for me to be above him
one day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will never forget seeing the
dirt being dumped into that deep, cold hole.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;"><b>I will
never forget the happiest, warmest, most amazing years of my life with Bradford
Higgins.</b></span></div>
<br />
<img align="left" src="54489-194-1D10C40B79BBBD0E93E158571BE43027" style="border: 0;" /><br />
<br />brittanyanderson5http://www.blogger.com/profile/05357128516007086773noreply@blogger.com1