One Thousand Three Hundred Sixty-Eight

3 years ago I started a blog to keep up with me running this race we call life.  About that...

A lot has happened in those 3 years.  I've experienced some of the best, most incredible moments of my life!  I've grown in my relationships with others, professionally and {most importantly} spiritually.  My sweet Bradford has been by my side through it all, being my biggest cheerleader and greatest confidant.

Recently I've endured the most horrific moments.  I'm living my worst nightmare.  I wanted to revisit this blog world and create a space where I can air out my thoughts, attempt to describe the intensity of this pain, and express the blessings that I've experienced through the tragedy of losing my husband.  I'll admit that I'm a little selfish...this blog is really for me.  If it helps someone along the way or gives someone a little insight into the world of grief, then that's great as well.  The things written or shown here may be a little much for some, and that's fine.

Before I unleash every sorrowful emotion I could've never dreamed of experiencing, I want to use this "first" post to celebrate 1,368.

1,368 is a relative number.  If it is the number of pennies you have in your piggy bank, big whoop.  Go buy yourself a pizza.  If it is the number of seconds your psycho trainer says you have to hold a plank, you probably want to find a different trainer.  If it is the number of days you are wed to the one you loved with all your heart, you prayed for ALL your life, and you miss with every fiber of your being...well, forever isn't even really long enough.

Bradford James Higgins was such a joy giver.  He could make me laugh until I cried.  If I was crying he knew just the way to make me laugh or cheer me up.  There was never a dull moment with this fella. 

 Here are a few of my favorite memories with him:

This is our first picture together!  What a memory--I made him blueberry cookies in an attempt to wow him with my homemade blueberry muffins. 

{Who knew that self-rising and all-purpose flours were really THAT different?!}

This was before our first "church date."

My students always loved when Mr. Bradford came and read to them.

 

We were dreaming of the day that he'd be the one getting paid for working in that field of service.

This was the biggest surprise EVER!  He snuck down to MS, asked my family for my hand in marriage, and drove back the next morning.  He cooked my favorite meal and had this as our special dessert.  ICE, ICE BABY! :)

We took a LOT of road trips together.  Many times on our way to Kansas we would stop in Jackson, MO at Pizza Inn.  I won't tell you how much we ate. ;)

 

Our first {rented} home!

This is one of my favorite engagement pictures.

{...and to all of the Dress Barn haters out there, that is

where my shirt came from. You know it's cute ;) }

This is one of my absolute favorite memories of my life!  It was precious to watch him and his sweet, quivering lip throughout the ceremony, but nothing tops the moment we first saw each other. :)

 

"You BET 'I do!'"

"You BET 'I do,' too!"

We're off to live our happily ever after...

We took surfing lessons on our honeymoon in Hawaii.

This is totally a "had to be there" moment, but is one that made us belly laugh every time we thought of this sweet song dedication by Lee Boy.

 

#noshame

#thatmanisMINE

We passed this sign every trip we took to Kansas.  We finally stopped and took a pic once we BOTH had Higgins as our last name. :)

We rode just over 50 miles on a tandem in Iowa.

He finally got his Masters!

He LOVED riding his bike.  This was at the Heart-O'-Dixie Triathlon.

Ernie Halter pretty much sang the soundtrack to our love story. 

This was one time we saw him in Nashville.

He loved his guns and loved that I finally had one!

 

This is our first road trip with our Ollie baby!  He wasn't really potty trained yet...and by not really I mean he wasn't at all.  We stopped pretty often to try and let him go and wasted so much time at rest stops.  BUT!  There were no accidents in the car!  Yahoo!

We KNEW Tyler and Allison were going to give us a nephew!

I think this picture pretty much explains itself! 
This was at the 1st Annual Holiday Hustle. 

:)

I was finally able to get him to Café du Monde!

I had a pretty good life.  I had a great job, awesome friends, incredible family...and then this guy happened.  He turned my world upside down in the best way imaginable.  We experienced a love I didn't think was possible.  I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to fully express the way he enriched my life and the blessings I received from being his.

Below is what I wrote to be read at his funeral:

How do I even begin to write a few of the things I loved the most about Bradford?  He was and will always be my best friend.  Falling in love and staying in love with him has been the most amazing and unexplainable blessing in my life.  It’s truly a gift from God.  One of my favorite things about him is his ability to make me laugh.  We’ve shared countless jokes, embarrassing moments, and dance moves.  His passion for people is inspiring.  He is different from anyone I’ve ever met in the way that he truly looks for and finds the good in people and genuinely wants to do what he can to better their lives.  It is especially evident by hearing him speak with me about his work at Youth Villages and hearing from many of his coworkers and foster parents.  Bradford is a special kind of guy.  He is always willing to help me do things around the house, and frankly I’m just a little bit mad because I’m not sure I will know how to make my own lunch considering he woke up just to do that for me every single day of our marriage.  Every. Single. Day.  I love the relationship I witness him experience with his sisters.  Their bonds are filled with so much laughter, love, concern, and countless crazy stories.  He adores them and knew they adored him as well.  His relationships with his brothers were no different.  In his eyes, they really hung the moon.  As a young lady I was always told to consider a man by the way he treats his mother.  Wow!  It really leaves me feeling so blessed by just watching them.  I love how he would always initiate grabbing and holding her hand…even when it was more with her than me. J I love the fun and excitement his father brought to his life.  There is truly no place he’d rather be than on a bike riding countless miles with his dad. (He always dreamed of getting a speeding ticket while riding his bike!) They have an incredible bond and he was Bradford’s best friend.

There’s no way I could ever put into words all the ways I love and care for him.  He taught me so many lessons in being selfless, living life the most fun way, and being a Christian leader in our home.  I told him countless times that I don’t say I admire too many people because it is such a heavy word for me.  He is one I truly admired from day one.  Some people thought we were crazy, but we were living proof of love at first sight.  I am forever grateful that he chose to share his life with me as my husband for almost 4 years.  I’m not sure how I got so blessed, but I am so glad that God saw fit to make me his helpmeet.
 

This is what I see when I read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:

 

Bradford suffers long and is kind; Bradford does not envy; Bradford does not parade himself. Bradford is not puffed up; Bradford does not behave rudely, does not seek his own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; Bradford does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; Bradford bears all things, Bradford believes all things, Bradford hopes all things, Bradford endures all things.  Bradford never fails.
 

What a blessed woman I am to have been Mrs. Bradford Higgins.  All 1,368 days.