He Knows

          So I’ll be the first to admit it, this is a little bit weird.  Maybe morbid is the word.  I like to think of it as interesting.  Being in a small town where everybody knows everybody else, you see each other at a lot of events, a few of those being held at Lea & Simmons, a local funeral home.  I’ve been there to offer condolences to family members of those I went to church with, spent time with family and friends during such a tragic time as we prepared to lay my sweet Bradford to rest, and most recently to meet with my sisters in Alpha Delta Kappa for our meeting.  My bunco group has even met there for our monthly games!  When someone rolls a big bunco, you get to wear something special, whether it be Mardi Gras beads, a feathery hat, a sombrero, or, you guessed it, embalming garb!  I have to admit I was a LITTLE freaked out the first time we played there.  Last November we played there again, only that time it wasn’t as freaky for me.  A few of us even chose to represent by wearing Lea & Simmons t-shirts Jeanna gave us!

I can remember wearing that shirt the last weekend my mother in law came to visit us in March and her pointing out how strange it was that I not only HAD a funeral home shirt, but that I was WEARING it! 

          This was the last bunco before I was to run the St. Jude Marathon last December.  I joked with the girls several times about how they would be seeing me back there in a month because there was no way I was going to survive the race.  It was especially validated in my mind once I went to the restroom, only to find that MARATHON was the brand of paper towels used there!  I just knew I was a goner!
          Natalie and I were WAY too interested in the whole process of everything that happens behind the scenes.  After most everyone left, we were given a personal tour of the property.  I’m not going to go into a lot of detail about what all we looked at and talked about during those hours after bunco, but trust me when I say it was thorough.  There obviously weren’t any “customers” back there, but we were given the run down on how things happen in the embalming room and even shown a few tricks of the trade.  I know…it’s so weird!  As strange as it seems to even be saying this, it was really interesting.  We were told about the differences in services and what is available.  Did you know you could have your pet cremated there?!  #yallbetterhopeOllielivesforever  Natalie and I determined we could work for them as dancers {choreographers, if you will ;)} if releasing doves just wasn’t cutting it for them. 
          After a couple of pretty intense hours of drilling Mrs. Lea about the ins and outs of the business, we were able to get into the hearse.  Again, just weird.  I was glad to know one of my bestest EVER gal pals was just as strangely interested in it all as I was.

          It was a memorable evening for a lot of reasons.  There was no way I could have known exactly what I was preparing myself for that night.  Every question I asked that night answered one that I know I would have had 5 months later.  Every vision I had of where my husband was spending the night away from me on April 8, as sickening and painful as it was to not have him with me, was secured in my mind as a safe place, cared for by friends.  It amazes me how God can use a silly girls’ night to provide much needed comfort and peace in the coming months.  Although it is such an incredibly gut-wrenching feeling imagining him being gone, it was oddly relieving to know the process.  To not have to envision scenes from scary movies.  To not have to dream up some sci-fi illusion of what may or may not be happening with him.

          This type of experience is not for everyone, and that’s okay.  For me, it was an answer to a prayer I never prayed.  Although having Bradford with me for the rest of my life is what I want and believe that I need, it's comforting to know that God will continue to care for me in the future, knowing what I need before I even ask him (Matthew 6:8).

"My Jesus knows just what I need.  He satisfies and every need supplies.  Yes, He knows just what I need."

...and thank you, Natalie, for being someone I can count on for anything.  Whether it's sizing up the boxes outside the embalming room, spewing Diet Coke out of our noses, taking selfies, or crying on the couch, you're an amazing friend who provides so much comfort, support, and encouragement.  I love you and am forever grateful for your friendship!

Be Safe!

 It’s always the same story, just a different day.  We know the routine all too well.  I usually have a time in mind I’d like to leave, knowing I will be at least an hour later before I pull away.  I pack my bags, only to hang out a little longer before loading them.  Once I’ve loaded them, I decide I’m just going to talk for a just a few more minutes before hitting the road.  We give our hugs, say our I love yous and follow it up with another round of hugs.  My mom is usually teary so I give her a good old fashioned CUT. IT. OUT. {complete with scissor hand movements!} before hopping into the car.  My mother-in-law did the same thing with her son, leaving Dennis and I standing by, awkwardly discussing the weather or traffic because she was usually pretty teary as well.

BE SAFE!

I can remember Bradford and I saying this to one another on a regular basis.  I can’t recall which one of us said it first, but we would sometimes be funny little smarty pants by saying Oh, ok!  Since you said so!  Whew, I wouldn’t have been if you hadn’t reminded me!

 I regularly worried about all the driving Bradford did with his job.  Every time I got a text message alert saying there was an accident, bad weather, or a shooting I checked to see where in west TN he was.  Oddly enough, I was hyper-sensitive to it in the weeks prior to his accident {but really!}.  We always, always told each other to be safe and that we loved each other.

 Why is it that we say this to people?  It quickly and regularly flies out of our mouths without even realizing it.  Truly.  Just pay attention.  I’ve become especially aware of it since April through all the traveling I’ve done and the comings and goings of friends and family.  Even riding to town or church seems to warrant a BE CAREFUL!

 What if we said what we really meant?  What if, instead of asking those we loved to travel safely, we told them what’s on our hearts? 

 I want you to get there alright.

I love you so much.

I need to see you again.

Your presence in my life is priceless.

YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT TO ME!

 

  As terrible as losing my husband has been and continues to be, I can’t help but see God’s helpful hand in it.  I was blessed with something not many people have before losing a loved one in an accident.  Bradford and I had one of the best, most loving conversations we ever had just the afternoon prior to his life on earth ending.  It’s kind of insane to think about the different facets of our relationship we discussed and how great of a place we were in.  If he had left this world on a day we had a fuss before I left for work, would I still know how much he loved me?  Absolutely.  Is it so much more satisfying to relive the conversation of the night prior?  Words can’t even express it…

 Are there people in your life you want to let know how important and special they are to you?  Who are you thinking of now…yes, that person?  What if you never got another opportunity to speak to them again?  Would you be filled with regret?  Would you wonder if they left knowing how truly special they were to you?  It’s not everyone’s personality to be a big sap, but it is important to show others their value to you.  I heard this song on Ernie Halter’s album High Fidelity and didn’t realize it was a James Taylor original:

 Shower the People

{#theoriginalmakeitrain}

…If it feels nice, don't think twice,
just shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.
Things are gonna work out fine if you only will do as I say, just
shower the people you love with love, show them the way you feel.
Things are gonna be much better if you only will.

You can run but you cannot hide, this is widely known.
Tell me what you plan to do with your foolish pride when you're all by yourself, alone.
Once you tell somebody the way that you feel, you can feel it beginning to ease.
I think it's true what they say about the squeaky wheel always getting the grease.
Better to shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.
Things are gonna be just fine if you only will what I'd like to do to you.
Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.
Things are gonna be much better if you only will.

            Words can go a long way in demonstrating one’s care for another, but actions speak louder than words.  I’ve discovered that THINGS can satisfy any first-world narcissist for a moment, but quality time with those we love is irreplaceable.  It can’t be put on layaway, price matched, or returned for anything of higher value.  Are you making time to SHOW those you love what their worth is to you?

 What about God?  Have you said AND done everything you need to in order to be in a right relationship with Him?  If not, why not?  If there is ANYONE we need to make sure we’re good with, it’s Him.  Mark 13:32-33 serves as an excellent reminder that we can’t be sure of when that time will be!  Those of us who have suffered a loss understand that all too well.

 

I’ve recently run across 1 John 3:18, stating, “My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in DEED and in TRUTH.”  What do you understand this to mean?  And what implications does it have for your spiritual walk?

 I hope that you are encouraged to embrace what you know to be true and have the confidence and strength to grasp it tightly.